Changes
by Saramari
Summary: The panic she felt was so overwhelming, she became completely unaware of her surroundings. The only thing she heard was the rushing sound of her own blood as it travelled through her veins at a maddening speed, driven on by her wildly thumping heart.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: This the second installment in my series that follows Elliot and Olivia through criminal cases while their personal relationship develops slowly. It would really make sense if you read Crushed first, which is part one of the series and can be found here: .net/s/6968859/1/Crushed_

_I apologize to everyone who has been waiting for this story way too long. The good news is, I have finished my thesis and will have more time to write in the future. The bad news is, I haven't written one word of story number three yet, but I've got many ideas! Plus Changes has 25 Chapters which are all written and beta-ed, so look forward to regular updates!_

_A big thank you to Mary, who agreed to beta this story for me when my original betareader had life intervene with SVU!_

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><p>They arrived at the windowless basement a little later than they would have liked to on this chilly morning in April. The place was already bustling with CSU and uniformed officers. Elliot preferred to get a look at the crime scene before it had gotten trampled on by too many feet; it tended to give him a better feel for the perpetrator's mind. But they had gotten called in late on this one, almost like an afterthought. This mid-town laundry shop mainly worked for some larger hotels in Manhattan. The massive industrial washers and dryers took up most of the wall space and the rest of the room was occupied with countless huge laundry carts labeled with the names of the hotels they came from. The whole scene was cast in a cold artificial light which gave it an almost unnatural quality.<p>

He and Olivia stepped over to where the main action seemed to take place and weeded their way through an army of techs in CSU windbreakers. They appeared to be milling about the room aimlessly rather than doing something useful. Elliot sighed, already sensing that there might be a potential problem. The crime scene resembled a beehive more than anything else and they had to sidestep way too many people to reach Dr. Melinda Warner. The coroner seemed to be the sole source of sanity in a sea of madness. She was crouching next to the face-down body of a woman.

The victim's long blonde hair lay sprawled all over the floor surrounding her head. She was naked except for a delicate silver bracelet on her right wrist and a wedding band on her finger. But the most shocking thing about her was how her skin was broken and blistered all over her back, arms and legs. Elliot had to clamp down on his gag reflex hard, he'd seen enough badly disfigured bodies in his career, but that didn't mean it was getting any easier.

"Hey Melinda." Olivia greeted the other woman with a small smile as she took another step closer, unable to draw her gaze away from the mangled body for more than a few seconds. She was suddenly glad that they had caught this case before breakfast, even before her first morning coffee. "What have you got for us?"

Warner looked up at the two detectives, returning the smile. As awful as the SVU cases usually were, she liked working with this unit a lot. They were dedicated and not as self-righteous and moody as homicide. They worked tirelessly to solve their cases and showed a lot of respect for the dead and the families and friends left behind. And despite the horrors they faced every day, they managed to shine light into the dark places of this world. Maybe it was the cruel nature of their job, but the Special Victims Unit always seemed tight like a family to her and she was proud to be part of it. It made coming back to this day after day so much easier.

She motioned towards the dead woman in front of her and started giving them the facts, refraining as usual from letting any personal comments slip so as not to bias the detectives unnecessarily. "Caucasian female, about 25 years old. She got thrown into one of the washers. Homicide was all over this but I insisted on calling you." She redirected her attention towards the body, picking up first the right and then the left hand to slip bags over them that would secure any trace evidence under her nails during the transport back to the morgue.

"You think she was raped?" Elliot inquired, squinting slightly at the M.E. as he crouched down opposite of her to get a closer look at the victim. Her body was so badly disfigured he had trouble imagining how Warner may have determined that.

"She was face down like now when she was discovered, that's why homicide got called here first," Melinda explained and lifted the body slightly to show them something. "But once I flipped her I saw the bruises on her thighs and breasts that say she at least had some rough sex. I figured that makes her one of yours. Homicide was very sorry they had to shove her into your field." There was a slight smirk on her face as she said those last words.

"I bet they were," Olivia commented sarcastically. The workload was always staggering within every unit of the NYPD; she could just picture the relief the homicide detectives must have felt at dropping the case to the panty police, as they usually referred to SVU.

They could see the woman's face now as Melinda had rolled the body on her side. She was quite beautiful in a plain and natural way. The front of her body looked slightly better than her back; the skin was mostly intact aside from a few wounds. Oddly her face was completely free of any cuts or bruises. But then, that was a good thing when it came to identification, it meant they could actually show her to a relative if the rest of her stayed covered up by a sheet.

Elliot looked at Warner with a puzzled expression, his forehead creasing as he rubbed the back of his neck. The dead woman didn't look like the usual floater. There was no reason for her to be this disfigured just from being thrown into a laundry machine. The water didn't get this hot, she shouldn't have ended up burned and blistered like that. "And he put her in there after the rape?" he asked, motioning to the washer behind him.

"Looks like it," Melinda confirmed. "By the time the first employee arrived here this morning, the machine was already done with the program and she opened it to see why there was still laundry inside. The body tumbled right out." She sighed. "What you see here are chemical burns," she explained, motioning towards the wounds on the woman. "She's got them all over her body except for her head, which according to the girl who found her was covered in a plastic bag that was taped to her neck. She said she took it off, thinking she might still be able to save her."

"How did she get chemical burns inside a washer?" Olivia asked incredulously, "From laundry detergent?"

"I suppose there are enough stronger chemicals than your garden variety laundry detergent in this shop to cause these burns. Your perp must have added a fair amount of whatever it was to the machine when he turned it on. I think it was ammonia, most likely bleach."

Olivia exhaled slowly, trying to digest all the info. "So our perp rapes her and then pulls a plastic bag over her head, tosses her into the washer and adds a lot of bleach. Then he progresses to turn on the machine, presumably to wash away all our evidence? Tell me she wasn't still alive."

"I will tell you when I have her on my table, but right now I don't see any other obvious cause of death so my money is on suffocation due to the bag over her head," Melinda replied with an apologetic look. "And her skin wouldn't have blistered as badly if she'd already been dead when she first had contact with the chemicals."

Elliot's eyes were still glued to the victim and he was way too quiet for Olivia's liking. "Why is her back worse than the front?" she asked Melinda, but kept looking at her partner.

"I believe she curled up in a fetal position once inside the washer, which is another indication that she was still alive," Melinda answered, "It would have protected her chest and belly to some extent."

"Did you find anything that could have belonged to her? Clothes, a purse, …?" Elliot asked the doc, finally drawing his gaze away from the woman's face when Melinda gently lowered her back down to the floor. He was interrupted when Olivia was suddenly jolted forward as one of the harried looking techs bumped a metal case he was carrying into her back and she could only break her fall by putting a hand on Elliot's shoulder. He reached up to steady her and she regained her equilibrium right away.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Sure," she replied and then shot a resentful look at the tech, who didn't even have the courtesy to stop and apologize.

"I don't think they found any of her personal effects," Melinda answered his earlier question and Elliot was sure he saw the hint of a smile in her eyes, but he couldn't comprehend why it would be there. "Things are a little crazy here today," Melinda added as she motioned toward the CSU team, effectively drawing Elliot's attention away from his wonderings.

"No kidding," Olivia murmured more to herself than anyone in particular. She searched the crowd, but couldn't spot a single familiar face among the techs. Neither did she see anyone who appeared to be in charge. She could already imagine the trouble it would be to sort out the traces left by the team from the real evidence later. The way they were all swarming the scene in an unorganized fashion spoke volumes. The defense would have a field day with this should the case ever go to trial.

Elliot rose from his crouch and looked around, equally trying to find someone in charge. When he couldn't he spoke up. "People!" A few heads turned, but the noise level didn't change much. "Oi! Guys! I want you to listen for a second!" His raised voice and pissed tone finally got the attention of most and activity died down slowly.

"I'd like to know why my crime scene looks like a CSU training exercise, who's heading the team?" he inquired in a not quite friendly manner that visibly intimidated most of the people in the room. Olivia shot him a look that went unnoticed. She understood why he'd be furious, but yelling at the CSU team would get them nowhere.

She looked around the room, searching the faces as did Elliot. It took a moment for a young dark haired man to step up. "I guess I am," he said timidly.

Elliot groaned. The guy looked like he had come fresh from high school. Matter of fact, the whole team did. "How old are you?" he asked skeptically.

"22, Sir," the tech replied, almost cowering in front of the much taller detective. Olivia was sure she saw him tremble.

"And who died and left you in charge?" Elliot didn't even try to keep the disdain from his voice. There was a deep furrow on his forehead and a vein pulsed in his temple, both signs Olivia knew all too well. His temper was threatening to overflow. She was tempted to step over to him and touch his arm to try and calm him down, but that would be an all too public display of the control she usually had over his flaring bouts of anger. She would not strip him of his authority like that unless it was absolutely necessary.

"There was a huge fire in Harlem last night," the young tech started to explain. "They suspect arson and it burned down nearly a whole block. Everyone else is over there." The poor guy was still flinching at every move Elliot made, clearly afraid to get hit by the towering detective.

"Oh this is just perfect," Elliot spat at no one in particular as he turned around, shaking his head and fighting for restraint.

"Okay guys," Olivia said loudly and she took a step forward, taking charge while her partner fumed. "This is how it's going to work. Half of you – OUT. There are way too many people at this scene. I want those of you with the least experience gone, you can wait outside." She motioned for the door, making her point clear and watched half of the techs pile out, muttering under their breaths.

"The remaining half will process the scene under _our_ supervision. First we will bag every piece of laundry in this room. Once Dr. Warner has removed the body, we will search for signs of sperm, blood, fibers and hair. We will need a Luma-Lite for that; I hope you've got one in your truck because I don't see it around already. Then we will print every reasonable surface down here as well as upstairs. I trust at least one of you knows what a reasonable surface might be; if that is not the case, ask us." She motioned to herself and Elliot, who had turned to face the team once more, looking a little more composed.

"And finally you will bring the whole washer our victim was found in back to the lab for a thorough search that will hopefully be conducted by someone with a little more experience than you. That means you don't have to include said machine in your search here; save it for the more controlled environment in your lab. But don't forget to wrap it in plastic before moving it; we wouldn't want any trace evidence to get lost in your truck." She looked around as she finished. The remaining techs still didn't look like they knew what to do next.

"Come on guys, bag the laundry, that is not a hard task," she exclaimed exasperatedly, rubbing a finger across her forehead just over her eyebrow in a gesture very characteristic for her. Elliot almost had to smile when he saw it. He couldn't believe it, but there he stood in the middle of one of the messiest crime scenes he'd ever encountered and he was admiring his partner's cuteness. He shook his head slightly, trying to focus once more.

A girl standing all the way in back started moving, the others followed her lead slowly and Olivia gradually turned away to get back to Melinda.

"That was fun," the coroner commented grinning and Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Siper is going to flip once she gets back to the lab and sees the mess they will have brought back for her," Olivia said with her hands on her hips as she slowly walked around the body, taking a look from every angle while she tried to block out the fact that this woman was burned with ammonia while still alive and looked the part. She had to have been in agony before she lost consciousness from oxygen deprivation.

"I'm not worried about Siper's day being ruined," Elliot muttered. "If we can't use the evidence on trial because a bunch of teenagers messed up our crime scene, I'm the one who is going to flip and let me assure you, that's not going to be pretty." His eyes darkened with the threat that wasn't really idle.

"I'll make sure to bring my camera," Olivia teased in an attempt to lighten the mood as she drew her gaze away from the body and looked over at him.

It worked, Elliot felt himself calming down a little as he lost himself in her beautiful brown eyes for a second. Amazing what an effect she could have on him. He took another deep breath as he watched one of Warner's assistants bring over a body bag. "Will you let us know as soon as you find anything?" he asked Melinda, even though he already knew she would.

"Don't I always?" she replied raising an eyebrow, but understanding that Elliot was not questioning her professionalism but rather just needed to connect with someone who knew what she was doing here.

Olivia volunteered to stay behind supervising the CSU team after Melinda had left. Partly because she was afraid Elliot would punch one of the kids if he had to stay any longer; he had that caged tiger look as he was pacing up and down in the basement. Additionally it didn't make any sense for both of them to stay behind and stall the investigation. They needed to get started on pinning a name on that poor woman so her family could be notified of her fate.

She sighed as she watched the young female tech who had been brave enough to take initiative sooner struggle with lifting a print from an uneven surface and walked over to assist before the print was messed up entirely. The techs were really all just trainees, she couldn't actually blame them for their lack of skill, they were not done learning how to do the job. The one who had become their team leader rather unwillingly was just barely finished with his training and should not work unsupervised yet, let alone head a team of people even more inexperienced than him on a real crime scene.

Elliot had every right to be pissed, if CSU messed this up their case went down the drain on trial and a rapist would go free. But blaming those kids was not the solution either; she would need to have a word with someone higher up the food chain back at the lab.

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	2. Chapter 2

_I decided to take the rating down to a T for now so this story could be found easier. But it will definitely be an M later ;-)_

_Thanks for reviewing!  
><em>

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><p><em>She sighed as she watched the young female tech who had been brave enough to take initiative sooner struggle with lifting a print from an uneven surface and walked over to assist before the print was messed up entirely. The techs were really all just trainees, she couldn't actually blame them for their lack of skill, they were not done learning how to do the job. The one who had become their team leader rather unwillingly was just barely finished with his training and should not work unsupervised yet, let alone head a team of people even more inexperienced than him on a real crime scene. <em>

_Elliot had every right to be pissed, if CSU messed this up their case went down the drain on trial and a rapist would go free. But blaming those kids was not the solution either; she would need to have a word with someone higher up the food chain back at the lab._

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Elliot drove back to the precinct and felt himself relax a little as he was methodically weaving through traffic. He couldn't get the picture of the dead woman out of his head, which startled him because usually he was able to snap out of it better. Her face haunted him and he wasn't exactly sure why. The body had looked horrible with all the burns, but it was her face that swam in front of his eyes. He had to squeeze in a bathroom stop to splash some cold water onto his cheeks and neck before he made his way to the squad room slowly. He was feeling a bit lightheaded as he got started on checking missing persons for any matches.

When returned to the crime scene two hours later to get his partner he sadly still had no clue about the woman's identity. Apparently nobody was missing her yet. Olivia was just finishing up her stint as a kindergarten teacher when he got back. There had been no traces of sperm or any other indication that the victim had been raped at the crime scene. That meant they needed to find a second crime scene, which could be anywhere in the city. A lot of leg work lay ahead of them, but for now they would start with canvassing _this_ neighborhood to find possible witnesses.

"Oh yes, the lights were on in the laundry shop last night," a little old lady living across the street told them excitedly when they had knocked on her door and introduced themselves.

Olivia noted the woman's name and apartment number while Elliot continued the interview. "And did you happen to see anything else?"

"No, dear, I'm afraid I just saw the lights," she replied regretfully. "I'm not in the habit of spying on my neighbors." And then she added in a conspiratory whisper, "But I know who does."

Elliot lifted an eyebrow. She seemed like a regular Miss Marple. "And who would that be?"

"My upstairs neighbor, Mr. Dawson, he is in 4B," she explained. "I've seen his telescope when I was in his apartment once to water his plants when he was away. First I thought he's a stargazer, you know, those people who try and spot meteors that will hit the planet and bring on the next Armageddon."

Elliot's eyebrows rose sky-high and he felt more than saw how Olivia shifted away and pressed her lips together in an effort to keep a straight face. But the little old lady seemed unperturbed.

"But then I took a peek," she admitted as she pointed a bony finger at Elliot. "You know, just to check that he didn't miss any meteors while on vacation. The telescope was pointed at the building across the street. '_Maybe he is trying to spy on the girls living there after all_,' I thought. But it's none of my business, is it?"

"No Ma'am, it isn't," Elliot confirmed as he rubbed one hand across his chin. "Thank you for your assistance," he added, concluding that there was nothing else she could tell them that would help with the actual case. '_Not spying on her neighbors my ass,_' he thought as he turned around to face his partner and heard the door snap shut behind him. Olivia was already a few steps away and burst out laughing.

"The next Armageddon?" he asked, giving her a '_seriously_' look, but couldn't help notice how adorable she looked with the laughter twinkling in her eyes.

"You should have seen your face." Olivia grinned, causing him to frown.

"Okay, little Miss Sunshine, you get to interview our peeping Tom," he said sternly and pointed a finger at her, which didn't sober her up at all. Not that he wanted her to.

The climbed the stairs slowly as Olivia was still trying to wipe that grin off her face. Elliot shook his head silently while he knocked on the next door. Apartment 4A revealed nothing new, and he took a step back as they approached 4B and motioned for her to take the lead, looking very mischievous as he did so.

"Mr. Dawson?" she asked as a small and skinny man in his fifties opened the door.

"Who wants to know?" His voice was raspy and spoke of a nasty smoking habit. He also looked quite unfriendly and had probably not bathed in a week judging by the stench he gave off.

"Detectives Benson and Stabler," she introduced them and showed him her badge while she tried to refrain from taking a step back in repulsion. "We are investigating an incident at the laundry shop across the street and were wondering if you might have seen anything last night?"

"What makes you think I saw something?" he asked suspiciously, but he opened the door a little wider. Olivia wished he hadn't, he wore nothing but briefs and she had to will herself not to close her eyes or look away. His legs were chalky white and his chest was covered in lots of graying hair, almost like a pelt.

"We're asking all your neighbors too, Sir. We didn't single you out for any reason." She tried to sound reassuring, tried to get a grip on her usual professional demeanor, but succeeded only halfway.

"So you claim," he replied as his eyes narrowed even more.

Elliot took a step closer, impatient with the guy's reluctance to cooperate. "Sir, we need you to answer our questions. We're trying to catch a criminal."

"A criminal you say?" Dawson still made no effort to be helpful and Elliot subconsciously flexed his fingers. "What happened, did they steal somebody's bed sheet?"

"We can't share that information with you, Mr. Dawson," Olivia said. She felt Elliot's temper starting to rise next to her and she wasn't willing to risk that he would lose control for the second time today after nearly eating the CSU team alive. She brushed the back of her hand against his discreetly, silently asking him to stay cool.

The surly looking man considered the two officers a few more seconds, but seemed to come to the conclusion that he would not get rid of them any time soon unless he shared what he had seen.

"Lights were on last night," he rasped, shifting his weight to just one leg and leaning against his doorframe.

"And did you see anyone inside or hanging around?" Olivia coaxed, wishing for all in the world he would just spill what he knew so they could leave already.

"There was this guy, I saw him park his car outside right before the lights came on. Didn't see him enter because the car was blocking the view, but must have been him who turned them on, right? Would be too much of a coincidence if it wasn't."

"We will figure that out," Olivia promised. "Can you describe the man?"

"I saw the guy when he got out of the car, I did. Black dude, wore a suit. I remember because I figured it was odd someone dressed so expensively would go into that shop at night, right?" He coughed and spat out a gob of slime that landed right in front of Olivia's feet.

Again it was sheer willpower that kept her from taking a step back. She balled her fists and felt her fingernails dig into her palms, welcoming the pain that helped her to keep the urge to vomit under control. "And did you happen to see if he took anything or anyone inside with him?" she asked, silently praying for patience. Questioning this man was like pulling teeth.

"I didn't see him enter because the car blocked the view, I told you that already!" he exclaimed, his voice getting louder. "So I can't tell you if he brought something with him." The disgusting little man proceeded to scratch his skinny ass.

Olivia prayed hard he would not reach down to scratch his crotch next or she was afraid she might after all be overwhelmed by the nausea that was churning in the pit of her stomach. "Can you tell me what kind of car that was?" she asked, nearly choking.

"Black," he replied and Olivia had the sudden impression that he was starting to undress her with his eyes on top of it all.

"Black. That's all you remember about it?" Usually men tended to remember cars better than the people driving them. She subconsciously drew her jacket around herself a little tighter in an attempt to ward of his stare.

"I didn't pay attention, that a crime?" he spat and she was sorely tempted to punch him as he repeated the ass scratch once more.

"So did you happen to catch what time it was when he arrived or did you see him leave?" she forced her voice to stay level and kept her eyes glued to the man's face. His watery and dull eyes were not pleasant to look at, but it was better than the alternative.

"He got here around eleven," the man reported as his hand kept wandering dangerously close to his private parts. "Saw him leave about thirty minutes later."

"Okay, if you remember anything else, will you call us?" Elliot asked, finally overcome by the need to rescue his partner from the situation when he too noticed in which direction the man's hands moved. He held out his business card and watched the door fall back into its lock. The card was still in his hand and he was about to put it back into the inside pocket of his jacket when a sharp pain hit him in his biceps. He looked over to Olivia, who had just punched him in the arm quite hard.

"Ow!" he howled indignantly, holding his arm as he followed her in the direction of the stairs. "What was that for?"

"It was either that or throwing up on your feet, I thought you might prefer the punch," she replied, pressing a hand to her turning stomach before she fled down the stairs and out of the building in need of fresh air. The awful smell of their disgusting witness seemed to follow her all the way down.

"What are you thinking?" she asked him a bit later when they were back in the car after the canvas. His hands gripped the steering wheel tightly and he gave off an intense vibe. She knew when he got like that he was taking a case very personal, but she couldn't quite figure out why it was that this one affected him more than the thousand other rape cases they had worked during their partnership.

"That I'm never going to use bleach again," he replied dryly.

"Oh, I don't know, I feel like using bleach on Mr. Dawson," she scoffed, "Imagine him on the stand, he's certainly going to cost us the case if Alex can't work a way around his testimony."

"Right now Mr. Dawson is the least of our problems when it comes to winning this one," he said sardonically. His voice was uncharacteristically glum which only served to intensify her feeling that this case didn't sit right with him at all.

"Well, before we can start worrying about the trial we need to make an arrest, so what do you think?" she repeated her question as she watched him closely, trying to get an inkling as to why this got to him so much.

Elliot kept his gaze straight and on the road, even though traffic was light and he wouldn't have needed to pay that close attention. "There's not much we know yet." He began recounting what they had found out so far. "We have a Jane Doe who was most likely raped before someone killed her and tried to destroy all our evidence in an industrial washing machine. That tells me her killer has at least some basic knowledge about forensics. He also has access to the laundry shop somehow; the owner swore he locked the door when he left last night and we found no signs of forced entry. The tentative description we got off your friend doesn't help much either. A well-dressed black guy who drives a black car, that's not going to narrow it down any."

"And no security cameras inside the shop," she added. "We can only hope CSU found something."

"A likely scenario," Elliot replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as his phone rang. He handed it over to Olivia once he saw Warner's name on the caller ID so she would take the call while he kept driving.

"Melinda?" Olivia said after picking up. If the pathologist was surprised to hear her voice instead of Elliot's she didn't let it on.

Olivia listened to her for a few seconds before she replied, "Okay, we'll be over in twenty," and hung up.

"Warner is done with the autopsy," she informed Elliot as she handed him back his phone and he turned left at the next intersection to make a stop at the morgue before they would return to the station.

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	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for reviewing! :-)) And don't forget, there'll be an all new SVU on TV not even two days from now!

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><p>"<em>Melinda?" Olivia said after picking up. If the pathologist was surprised to hear her voice instead of Elliot's she didn't let it on. <em>

_Olivia listened to her for a few seconds before she replied, "Okay, we'll be over in twenty," and hung up._

"_Warner is done with the autopsy," she informed Elliot as she handed him back his phone and he turned left at the next intersection to make a stop at the morgue before they would return to the station. _

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When they got back to the squad room later the day was already winding down. Warner had collected evidence that corroborated that the woman had suffocated due to the bag taped over her head. The bruises on her thighs and breasts suggested rape, even though she hadn't found any bruising on her vagina, which didn't necessarily mean that there had been no penetration. She'd also confirmed the chemical burns stemmed from exposure to bleach – pre-mortem.

Olivia finished and printed her report an hour later and looked over at her partner who sat motionless, staring at his screen. "You ready to head home?" she asked him softly.

He gave his head a small shake as he snapped out of his reverie. "Guess so," he replied, hitting the print button.

"What is it, El? You've been acting strange all day." Olivia got up to gather both their reports from the printer and leaned against the edge of his desk as she sorted them into a file folder for Cragen.

"I don't know," he sighed. "The case reminds me of my first ever rape homicide in the unit, I guess." He rubbed a hand across his face.

"You've had a victim in a washing machine before?" she asked full of disbelief. She was quite sure she would have heard of it if there'd been a similar incident even before her time.

"No, not that part." He shook his head vigorously. "She just looks like that woman back then a lot, it's silly. There have been so many blonde victims through the years."

"If it affects you that much it's not silly," she chided him gently and placed her hand on his shoulder in a comforting way. Had they not been at the office, she would have given him a hug or a kiss, but they made a point of keeping their slowly developing relationship out of the job. So she offered what support she could within the limits they had set for themselves. "What happened with the case back then?"

"We caught the guy, but had to let him go." He would not meet her eyes, staring at his hands instead, which were busy playing with a pen, turning it over and over between his fingers.

Olivia had to fight the urge to stop him. "Why, what happened?" she inquired. Judging by his growing agitation she was getting closer to the point.

Elliot grunted and leaned back in his chair as he threw the pen down. He looked up at her, his eyes seeking out hers and she saw a mix of disgust and defeat on his face. "Some lab tech broke chain of evidence, the judge threw out the case. Talk about déjà-vu, huh?"

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes for a second as the pieces fell into place. "That won't happen this time," she promised. "At the very least Warner collected solid evidence; we can prove she was killed and most likely raped, judging from the bruise patterns. And we've got the washer still at the lab. Siper swore she'd work it herself, whatever we get from it won't be compromised." She knew so far they hadn't really collected anything solid at all, but she had to make him believe they would be able to convict this perp if they managed to catch him. "We've even got an eyewitness that could place him at the scene," she added, suppressing a shudder as she thought back to that despicable little man.

Elliot didn't answer, but she saw his features relax as he allowed her words to reassure him. She squeezed his shoulder lightly before she got up to drop the folder on Cragen's desk. When she returned, Elliot had started to gather his stuff, ready to leave. "Dinner at my place?" he asked her with a smile.

"What are you cooking?" She raised an eyebrow at him playfully, knowing she would never turn down the offer.

"Haven't decided yet, any preferences?" He shrugged into his jacket and then helped her into hers. He was looking forward to spending the evening with her, something they had been doing regularly ever since their shared trip to the Catskills in February. He enjoyed those dinner-and-a-movie kind of dates with her; enjoyed her mere presence, the way they laughed together or talked until late at night, often getting called out on the case again before ever going to sleep.

"Not really, I'll like whatever you cook." She smiled, flirting a little as they made their way out to the elevators.

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An hour later Elliot was bustling through the kitchen, frying two steaks while simultaneously stirring in two different pots containing pasta and sauce. Olivia watched him from her usual place on a stool at his counter. He was so caught up in his cooking, adding spices to the sauce and flipping the steaks so they wouldn't burn, she had to smile to herself. She loved watching him like that. She loved him. A feeling not quite new anymore but it seemed to grow stronger with every day she acknowledged it to herself and to him. Just a few months ago she would not have thought it possible that she could feel something this intense for another person. Apparently guarding her heart so closely when it came to Elliot for years had kept her love for him from developing. Now that it was unleashed, the strength of it was physically painful. Not that she minded. On the contrary, she welcomed it. It made her feel more alive than ever.

She slipped off the stool and walked around the counter. He didn't seem to notice her because he jumped a little when she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face between his shoulder blades. His intoxicating smell assaulted her senses, a heady mix of his cologne and shower gel and just him. She drew in a deep breath, relishing in it, allowing the warmth that came with it to flood her body. It never failed to calm her down. They had not taken their relationship to the stage of being intimate with each other yet, still afraid that if they went too fast they would mess up and ruin the friendship they both treasured so much. But that only added to the sweet tension in the room when they got as physically close as they were right now. The anticipation, the wondering what it would be like; it was all she needed at the moment and all she felt ready for.

Elliot let go of the wooden spoon he had used to stir the sauce, it needed to simmer for a while anyway. Olivia's hands were joined in front of his body and he covered them with his much bigger one. He lightly stroked along the outlines of her fingers where they were intertwined. Her skin was warm and soft and not for the first time he marveled at how those delicate and feminine hands could belong to his gung-ho partner, who he had watched manhandle more perps than he cared to count with surprising strength. He felt the heat radiating off her body as she leaned lightly against his back and he slowly turned around, loosening her hold on him gently so he could.

He was met with her large brown eyes as she looked up at him and a smile spread over his face when he saw them shining with love. He still couldn't quite believe his luck - this amazing woman reciprocated his feelings, something he hadn't dared to hope for a long time. He reached behind himself to shove the pan off the stove. "Just to be safe," he grinned as he remembered their first interrupted attempt at kissing in this very same kitchen a few months ago. He moved his left hand to the small of her back, drawing her in even closer, and tilted his head down to meet her mouth. He planted tiny little kisses on her lips, teasing her.

Olivia felt his right hand stroke her side while his lips moved tenderly across her mouth. He let his fingers wander upward, across her shoulder and up her neck to tangle them in her hair while he deepened the kiss. She opened her mouth a little and started sucking on his lower lip, loving the fluttering sensation that was building up in her belly. Her knees started feeling weak and she was glad for the strong hold he had on her back as she clung to his body just a bit more.

Elliot's tongue pressed against her lips and pushed past them to plunge into her mouth, where he found her tongue ready and waiting to meet him. She tasted deliciously. Her hands were on his back, slipping under the hem of his shirt and caressing his bare skin. Then she brought them around to roam over his chest, playing with the wiry hair she found there and he felt his body starting to respond. He groaned into her mouth, eliciting what could only be a chuckle in return from her, but it was hard to tell with their lips still locked tight to each other. Her quivering body pressed up to him did nothing to ease the tension that was building up in his pants. With a sigh he disentangled his hand from her hair and gently pushed her away. After they broke apart they were lost in each other's eyes once more, panting.

"Unless you want me to forego dinner in favor of a very cold shower, you better stop what you're doing," he murmured as she was still running her fingers over his chest absentmindedly.

She smiled sheepishly but not without regret as she withdrew her hands from his body. "Sorry," she whispered.

He reached up to tuck a strand of her hair back behind her ear and let his hand linger on her cheek. She tilted her head to the side, leaning into his touch, and felt him run his thumb along her cheekbone.

"Don't be, it's not your fault that you're so wildly attractive." He smiled at her before he redirected his attention to their food, so it wouldn't burn after all. Because he was turned away from her, he missed the blush his words brought to her cheeks.

He fixed two plates for them and they sat down for dinner at the kitchen counter. Elliot's apartment was so small; it didn't have enough space for a proper dinner table. He still co-owned the house in Queens; he and Kathy had decided not to sell it so the kids wouldn't lose their home over their parent's divorce. Kathy had been unable to pay him out on her nurse's salary, which left Elliot with just enough to afford this tiny place. Manhattan rent was a bitch.

They enjoyed their food in companionable silence and cleaned up together afterwards before Elliot led her over to the couch."Movie?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Not really in the mood," she replied as she settled down, sitting sideways with her knees drawn up to her chest. Dinner had given her time to think about a few things and she felt she needed to talk to him about it or it would weigh down her heart the whole night. "Can I ask you something?"

Elliot's eyebrows rose higher. The last conversation she had started in that fashion had brought them together. Back then she'd been brooding about their relationship and something told him it was not much different now. "Of course," he said gently, studying her face closely and watching her turmoil. This was obviously not easy for her.

"About earlier. About taking cold showers." She swallowed hard. For some reason she felt projected back to high school. The only thing missing were the braces on her teeth that had usually kept her from smiling at anyone. She had her arms wrapped around her legs and was staring at her hands, not quite ready to meet his eyes.

If his hairline had not been retreating for years already, Elliot's eyebrows might have disappeared in it. He didn't say anything; he just waited for her to figure out how to best word what was on her mind.

"Does it bother you?" She finally came right out with it in a small voice and looked up at him. "That we're not having sex yet, I mean?" She tried holding his gaze, but found herself unable as embarrassment crept up her neck and threatened to redden her cheeks once more.

"No," he whispered as he tried to catch her eyes again, but she was again staring down at her fidgeting hands. He reached out to touch her chin, bringing up her face so she would look at him and see that he meant it. "It doesn't bother me," he repeated, just to make sure she would believe him. "You're a beautiful woman and I love you very much; it's only natural for me to have a … certain reaction when you get that close to me. But that doesn't mean that all I can think about is getting you laid."

He watched her draw in a ragged breath and realized she was fighting for composure. It puzzled him to see her this insecure. "Hey." His voice was soothing and warm and Olivia felt herself loose the battle against her overflowing emotions. She was looking anywhere but at him, her eyes wandering restlessly around the room. "What is this all about?" he asked.

Olivia fought for control while Elliot had covered her clasped hands with one of his own. She felt him stroke the fingers of his other hand through her hair as he tried to coax her into looking at him. It took a lot of effort, but she forced herself to meet his eyes once more. "I love what we have right now," she explained slowly, a bit distracted by his fingers that kept twirling a strand of her hair. "I love that we are so close and in tune, love that I'm allowed to touch you and kiss you and just be with you whenever I like." Her breath caught in her throat for a second and her voice sounded odd to her own ears when she continued, "I don't want to lose you, don't want to lose this." She gave an explanatory wave of her hand that included the both of them and then brought it up to wipe at her moist eyes.

Elliot watched more tears she had not succeeded holding on to make their way down her cheeks. He moved the hand that was still entangled in her hair around and wiped them away with his thumb. "Why do you think you'd lose me?"

"You know my track record with men; I'm not exactly relationship material," Olivia admitted sniffling and looked away again, trying to hide from him. She always felt like an open book around him, sometimes she wished he couldn't read her quite so easily.

"You're afraid you're doing this wrong?" he asked disbelievingly as he caught on to what she was getting at. "You're afraid if we don't hit certain bench marks in our relationship at an explicit time I might decide to find someone else?" This was so ridiculous to him he had to make an effort not to laugh out loud with relief that there was nothing more serious going on. But obviously she was genuinely distraught over this.


	4. Chapter 4

I have yet to see the season premiere, living outside the US sucks when it comes to that! But I thought I'd post a new chapter anyway :-))

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><p>"<em>You know my track record with men; I'm not exactly relationship material," Olivia admitted sniffling and looked away again, trying to hide from him. She always felt like an open book around him, sometimes she wished he couldn't read her quite so easily. <em>

"_You're afraid you're doing this wrong?" he asked disbelievingly as he caught on to what she was getting at. "You're afraid if we don't hit certain bench marks in our relationship at an explicit time I might decide to find someone else?" This was so ridiculous to him he had to make an effort not to laugh out loud with relief that there was nothing more serious going on. But obviously she was genuinely distraught over this. _

She didn't answer him, but that only served to confirm his theory and he took a moment to think about how he could best get it through to her that there was no such pressure.

"Liv, the reason why you haven't had any luck with men so far is because you never dated the right guy. It's not about you or anything you did or didn't do." He watched her as she still kept her eyes glued to the coffee table, avoiding his gaze at all costs. Elliot knew her history with her mother had left her crippled when it came to accepting her own worth and he had often caught her struggling when he said something that was intended to show her that all the bad things that happened to her were not her fault. He felt anger at Serena Benson for not loving this amazing creature as much as she deserved. As much as he could see how looking at Olivia might have been a daily painful reminder of one of the worst nights in her life, she had chosen to have this child and he felt that with that choice came the obligation to love it as much as you could.

And here she was, thinking he would not want her unless she was fully functional and working according to some crazy schedule. "I love you and I love being with you the way we are right now," he said to her and his words elicited a small sob. "I couldn't be happier." He put his hand on her arm, squeezing it to get her to lift her head and look at him. She was still hiding her pain from him, not feeling entitled to his comforting words.

Olivia knew she could trust him. Elliot wouldn't lie to her. Her heart trusted him. But her head told her differently; she had made the experience over and over that men usually dated her for the sex. That had been fine at some point in her life. She was aware of the effect she usually had on the opposite gender; she knew she was a looker and she had played with those attributes and enjoyed a good time in the past. But with Elliot everything was different. Part of her knew he was not in it just because he was physically attracted to her, but it was still hard to accept that he actually loved her for who she was.

She closed her eyes for a moment, drawing strength from his calming presence. Then she lifted her head so she could look at him and tried to regain some control over her voice. "So it doesn't bother you?" she asked softly, needing to hear him say it once more.

"I want to make love to you," he replied, smiling at her and putting all his love in that smile. "I want to make love to you until you don't know where up and down is anymore. But all in good time; not until we're both ready to take that step. I know I'm not and I don't think you are, or you wouldn't be having those thoughts, right?"

"No, I'm not," she admitted and raised their joined hands to plant a tender kiss on his. "Are you for real?" she asked with a nervous chuckle.

"I think I am." He laughed and reached up to her face and drew her closer, locking his hand behind her head, and proceeded kissing her on the forehead then on the tip of her nose and last on her lips.

Olivia opened her eyes again as she felt his lips depart from hers and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding as she shifted around so she could draw her feet under herself on the sofa. She felt a lot more relaxed now, the heavy feeling in her chest was gone and once more she wondered what she had done right to deserve this man.

"Understand you don't have to answer if you don't want to," she said, her curiosity now peaked as she felt a little safer to ask.

Elliot watched her closely, anticipating the next heavy question.

"Why do you think you're not ready? You're the one who has actually been in a committed relationship that lasted longer than a few weeks." She searched his face for any clue on whether he was planning to answer or not. In hindsight she wasn't sure she really wanted him to. But there was no taking it back.

Elliot considered for a moment to take her up on the offer of not replying to this one, but then he found himself wondering why not. She had been brave enough to bring up this whole issue before it could become a problem, the least he could do was to be honest. And it was not as if there was anything bad about his reason. "When I met Kathy, I knew I was attracted to her and I liked her a lot. She was funny, smart and pretty, the perfect package. I was only eighteen, she was barely seventeen; we were young, stupid and very horny." He chuckled at the memory.

"I snuck into her house one night and we had sex, nine months later we had Maureen," he continued to explain. "Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter very much and have never regretted that night even for a second. But Kathy and I rushed into this marriage. Not necessarily for our daughter's sake or because I wanted to make Kathy an 'honest woman', but we were truly just some wild and sex crazed teenagers who happened to end up with a baby and a lot of responsibility. Marriage seemed the obvious choice."

Olivia creased her forehead as she tried to follow his reasoning. "So what you're saying is, you don't want to sleep with me because you're afraid you might knock me up and find out later that I'm not the one after all?" She couldn't believe her own words, but that's what it had sounded like.

"No!" he exclaimed, horrified she had misunderstood him so completely.

"Rest assured, Elliot, I'm on the pill," she added with a bit of sarcasm in her voice.

"No, please, that's not what I meant at all!" He kept his eyes locked on her hers, frantically trying to make her understand.

"So what is it you were trying to say?" she asked as she tried to keep the insecurity that made its way back into her heart at bay, attempting to give him a chance to explain.

"Having Maureen … it drew us closer. Closer than we would have been if Kathy hadn't gotten pregnant. For a long time our kids were the only reason we connected and that wasn't fair to them or to either one of us," he said and paused for a moment.

"With you it's completely different, we are already so close and there is not a doubt in my mind that I'm head over heels and hopelessly in love with you." She could tell by the look in his eyes that that was absolutely true.

He loved the smile his words put on her face. "I just want to take it very slow and enjoy every part of it. I missed out on a lot the first time around, I don't want to repeat my mistakes. I want to give us time so we can fully appreciate every tiny little thing."

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They started their next day at the lab, trying to find out whether there were any forensics on the washer yet. CSU Captain Judith Siper greeted them with an exasperated sigh. She appeared to be thoroughly swamped.

"Sorry detectives, I'm afraid I haven't gotten around to taking a look at your murder weapon," she apologized before either of them could even say hello. Her gloves were black with soot and she was examining what may have been a suitcase at one point in its existence, but it was so badly burned, it was really hard to tell. The whole lab reeked of gasoline and it seemed to be coming from the pile of evidence that was still waiting for its turn on the tech's table.

"I realize the fire in Harlem was bad," Elliot exclaimed a bit impatiently. "But we've got a rape homicide and we really need some clues on where to begin looking."

"Was there anything salvageable among the stuff your selection of CSU's finest collected on scene?" Olivia asked, unable to keep from commenting on yesterday's disastrous display of crime scene investigation.

"Look," Siper said as she rose and slipped the gloves off her hands, "I'm no happier than you are about how things went down at your scene." She started walking over to a computer workstation. "By the time the call got in, nearly all of us were already in Harlem. Somebody made a poor judgment call in sending out the trainees instead of waiting a few more hours. They know the basics and they would have been able to process a scene if supervised by an experienced investigator, but there was nobody left to do that. I understand you took charge, Detective Benson?" She directed this question to Olivia who nodded in response.

"Well, thank you. It sure made my job here a lot easier, I may not have to go back and look at things myself after all." She nodded gratefully before she continued, "There were two prints they lifted that did not belong to the shop owner or either of his employees." She motioned towards the computer screen. "One came back positive for your victim; it was on the doorframe to the basement. She must have held on to it, which means she was still alive and conscious when he brought her down there. The other one was on the light switch downstairs. I think your perp wiped down everything else he touched, but forgot the switch after turning the lights off when he left."

Olivia focused on the screen that showed the digitalized image of a partial fingerprint. "So did you get any hits on it?"

"No, I'm afraid not. But once you have a suspect, we can match him to it," Siper stated the obvious and added, "The catch is, the print is not quite clean but rather smeared, so I probably won't be able to make the required ten-point match for court."

"Did it get smeared by a tech?" Elliot growled, his temper rising fast.

Siper held up a defensive hand. "I honestly have no way of telling, but seeing as it was on the light switch, it shouldn't have been difficult to lift." Olivia couldn't help but deduct from those words that Siper was quite certain that someone from her team had messed up the print.

"What I can say so far is that your perp is rather tall, the print is above average when it comes to size," Siper said, trying to give them as much info as she could.

At least it was something. "Anything else you can tell us already?" Elliot asked, trying to keep his boiling anger lidded as he reminded himself that Siper was not the one at fault.

"We collected dozens of hairs, but that's no surprise considering we are talking about a shop that does hotel laundry. There's no way to tell which came from the bed sheets and towels that were washed there and which might have been left behind by your perp. But again, once you catch him, we can try and match something to him." The tech shrugged her shoulders apologetically. She would have liked to be able to serve the detectives with something more useful, but she couldn't make evidence appear out of thin air.

Elliot scratched his chin, not satisfied with what they had learned here, but it was not as if he could do anything about it. He turned back to Olivia. "Let's get back to the house then."

She followed him out to the car and got behind the wheel, watching him a little closer than she normally would have. She was used to seeing him get angry when a case didn't flow due to some technicality or even worse – as in this case – negligence. Nevertheless the added pressure of having been through the same scenario before when this old case got thrown out and the perp went free seemed to push Elliot even closer to the edge. She hoped he would not go over. Another suspension on his record and IAB on his ass was not what he needed.

They proceeded to drive to the station in silence and were greeted by Fin, who waved a print-out from missing persons in front of their faces. "Think this might interest you," he said, handing over the piece of paper.

It showed a picture of a young blonde woman, clearly their victim. Her husband had reported her missing early this morning and Elliot picked up his phone with a sigh. Notifying the families was certainly not his favorite part of the job.

While Elliot made the call, Olivia walked over to their media room and pulled up their electronic case board to add the missing person's report on the victim's side when Cragen stepped up behind her.

"Found out who she is?" he asked.

"Looks like it," she answered and studied the picture that seemed to have been taken during the last summer and showed her wearing little to no makeup; looking relaxed and happy with a healthy tan on her face. It was always hard to connect pictures that showed the victims vibrant and active to the lifeless shells of their dead bodies. But this was clearly the same face she'd seen yesterday. "The description of the wedding band and bracelet fit and even though we of course need the husband to identify her, I'm fairly certain it's her."

"So what do we know?" Cragen inquired as he stepped up to the screen a little closer with his hands in his pockets.

"Abigail Nelson, she is 27 and from Oregon. Husband said she was due back from a business trip to New York two days ago. She was a lawyer." Olivia summed up the contents of the report.

"He just gave me the name of the law firm she had an appointment at," Elliot added, walking up from behind. "She was applying for a job there."

"Okay, let's go," Olivia said, walking back to her desk to grab her jacket again.

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	5. Chapter 5

_So, here's the next chapter. Have fun and thanks for all the reviews, alerts etc. ! :-)_

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><p>"<em>So what do we know?" Cragen inquired as he stepped up to the screen a little closer with his hands in his pockets.<em>

"_Abigail Nelson, she is 27 and from Oregon. Husband said she was due back from a business trip to New York two days ago. She was a lawyer." Olivia summed up the contents of the report._

"_He just gave me the name of the law firm she had an appointment at," Elliot added, walking up from behind. "She was applying for a job there."_

"_Okay, let's go," Olivia said, walking back to her desk to grab her jacket again. _

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The uptown law firm served a wealthy clientele; that much was obvious immediately upon their arrival. The lobby was expensively furnished and the woman sitting behind the clerk's desk looked like she did runway shows for Lagerfeld and Co. during her time off. Picturing Abigail Nelson with her simple and natural beauty in this environment was hard. She would not have fitted in here.

"Detectives Benson and Stabler from Manhattan SVU," Olivia introduced them and flashed her badge. "We need to talk to your boss, Mr. Hunter."

The secretary mustered them loftily. "Mr. Hunter is in a meeting right now. Can I ask what this is about?" Her voice was as arrogant as her stare.

"It concerns a woman he had an appointment with a few days ago, Abigail Nelson." Elliot explained with a sideways look that told Olivia just how much he disapproved of the secretary's attitude.

"I remember Mrs. Nelson, she didn't get the job. Is she filing a complaint about that?" she inquired nosily.

"No Ma'am," he replied, resting his hand on the counter. He watched with satisfaction as she wrinkled her nose at being called 'Ma'am'.

"We're investigating her death," he added. The news about another person's death seemed to affect her a lot less.

"What do you remember about her?" Elliot proceeded asking while Olivia silently made her way over to the door that was labeled with Hunter's name.

"Not much. She came recommended but Mr. Hunter decided against employing her. He certainly didn't kill her over it," she replied indignantly. Then she noticed Olivia, who already had her hand on the doorknob. "Wait! You can't just, …" She jumped from her chair and her heel's clicked hectically as she made her way over to Olivia as fast as her tight skirt would allow.

But Olivia was already opening the door. She stepped into the office and walked over to the massive oak desk in the middle of the room with purposeful strides. She barely noticed its imposing presence or the breathtaking view over Manhattan, what she did see was a tall black man swiveling around in his chair. He wore a Bluetooth headset and had apparently been talking on the phone.

"Mr. Hunter?" she addressed him, her hands clasped loosely in front of her body.

"I'm sorry, Sir," the secretary gasped as she caught up with her, "She blew right past me."

Olivia saw from the corner of her eye how the secretary tried to grab her arm, but she was a lot faster and had great reflexes, so she eluded her.

Elliot had entered the office too and saw the attempt. "Ma'am, I suggest you stop before I arrest you for assaulting an officer," he growled and stared the secretary down with his most piercing look.

She furrowed her forehead angrily and looked at her boss, but refrained from taking any further action against the two detectives' presence.

"What is going on here?" the man in the high backed leather chair asked as he pulled the headset from his ear. His voice was booming and bore the kind of authority that could immediately silence a room full of people. Olivia could see where that would come in handy in his line of work. They had never encountered him or anyone else from this firm in court before, but that was not surprising considering the high numbers of lawyers in New York.

"Are you Theodore Hunter?" Olivia asked, tilting her head to the side a little as she tried to get a better read on the man.

"Yes, and who are you?" the man replied, eyeing her carefully. He had small but keen dark eyes which were boring into Olivia's intently.

"Detective Benson, NYPD. My partner, Detective Stabler." She waved a hand in Elliot's direction. "We need to ask you as few questions about a woman you had an appointment with two days ago, Abigail Nelson."

"Why are you asking about her, she doesn't work here?" he asked as he leaned back in his chair, giving of a vibe of calm control.

"No, but she was raped and killed the same night she came here," Elliot answered. He watched as Hunter silently motioned for the secretary to leave who complied, closing the door behind her. Then he pointed to the set of chairs in front of his desk meant for visitors and the two detectives took a seat.

"She had an appointment at 2 pm, was here right on time." He started recounting what he knew. "We talked about her credentials, she came highly recommended by her previous employer and she told me she was applying for a job in New York to spread her wings and further her career. I liked her references, but I didn't like her, that's why I chose not to hire her." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Can you tell us what it was you didn't like about her?" Elliot asked, watching very closely. Here was a man who lied for a living and judging by his firm he was good at it. Elliot was determined to catch whatever hint he could to nail him on being less than truthful.

Hunter had his elbows on the arm rests of his chair and his hands in front of him, only the finger tips were touching. He looked completely relaxed and at ease. "She was a country girl and looked like one. To fit in here, she would have had to make some drastic changes to her appearance. But that wasn't the only problem; any girl can shop and go get her hair cut. She was also very determined to get this job and I got the feeling she'd do anything to make sure I'd employ her. I mean _anything_." His eyes hardened and he added, "She was a married woman, I don't approve of that sort of behavior."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Are you saying she came on to you?"

"She definitely tried," he confirmed with a nod. "But I happen to be married too and I love my wife. She absolutely chose the wrong person for her little game. I told her I didn't think she'd fit in and she left. She did seem upset as she left but I assure you she was very much alive and unharmed."

"I'm sorry we have to ask you this, but we need to know your whereabouts on Tuesday night between ten and one o'clock," Elliot said, his eyes never leaving Hunter's face as he still wasn't convinced the man wasn't lying to them. They had a suspect description for a tall black man and here was a tall black man who had had contact with the victim at the day she was murdered. That was enough for him to be on guard.

"I was at a function with my wife the whole night until 1 am; then we went home together. Our driver will confirm that, I had to call him to get us because my wife and I had both been drinking and I couldn't take the car home myself like I had planned. Plenty of people saw us at the function."

"We'll check on that, thank you Mr. Hunter," Elliot rose and Olivia followed his lead.

Hunter got up too and stretched out a hand. "If there is anything else, …" he said as he shook both detective's hands.

"We'll know where to find you." Olivia ended his sentence before they both turned and left. The secretary in the lobby sent a resentful glare at their retreating backs.

"Think he's got something to hide?" she asked Elliot back in the car with a quick glance in his direction as she turned the ignition.

"Probably, I don't know. He seemed like an honest man, but then he is a lawyer and one can never tell with these guys." He tried to make it sound like a lighthearted quip, but it came out dripping with sarcasm. "He does fit the description, so I like him for it," he added.

"Well, so do hundreds of others in Manhattan alone." Olivia felt she needed to point that out even though she knew Elliot was aware of the fact. He seemed to be jumping to conclusions, something he tended to do when he felt the urgent need to wrap up an investigation quickly to get justice for a victim. He was still mad about how the crime scene had been handled and she hoped he wouldn't turn out to be right in fearing it would compromise the trial on this case as it had all those years ago.

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They had driven over to Hunter's home and got confirmation on his alibi both from his wife and driver before they returned to the station in the evening. As good as the lawyer had looked as a suspect on the description alone he seemed not to be their rapist. They had planned on getting together with Fin and Munch, who had been off to check out their victim's hotel room for any clues, but had just talked to them on the phone to learn that they weren't back yet.

Upon entering the squad room, Olivia immediately spotted the distraught looking man in Cragen's office. It seemed the husband had gotten here already. It was well past six and she was tired and wanted to get home, but there was no question that they would drive him to the morgue right away. He needed to know for sure as much as they did.

Watching how someone had to identify a loved one lying on a cold metal slate in an autopsy room was always heartbreaking. Olivia had improved her skill on blocking it out over the years, but you could only block out so much before you started to appear cold as ice and that was certainly unhelpful when talking to the victim's family later. They would not trust you unless they could tell you felt for them, which meant you actually had to allow those feelings and allow a small piece of your heart to die with every victim. It was in each other that the partners usually sought out the strength to go through that ordeal over and over.

As she watched Adam Nelson grieve over the body of his dead wife, refusing to believe she was truly gone, Olivia was suddenly overcome by a flash to some future day when it would be her who had to identify Elliot's remains. She could see herself quite clearly, standing where he was now; Melinda's unobtrusive presence in the back of the room and Elliot's cold body on the same cold slate. Even the mingled odors of decay and disinfectant penetrated her nostrils, quite as if she was inside the autopsy room herself.

She could feel the ache in her heart so intensely it constricted her throat and threatened to suffocate her. Tears started forming in her eyes and she had to turn away with a gasp, no longer able to bear the sight. She stepped over to face the wall, one outstretched arm seeking support from it. The cool tiles to her palm helped her refocus on reality and she took a couple of deep calming breaths.

Elliot noticed her shift and looked over to see what was going on. Her back was turned to him and after a short moment of consideration he stepped up to place a hand on her shoulder. "Liv?" he asked softly.

The warmth of his voice flooded her body and soul and she felt the tense feeling in her chest disappear when his comforting hand squeezed her shoulder. He turned her around to face him and she knew he had to see the tears lingering in her eyes, waiting to be allowed to fall. She tried to hide them by not meeting his eyes, but at the same time she knew it was useless. He could see right through her. There was recognition in his face; an understanding that showed her he knew exactly what she had just seen.

"Is this what it's like for you?" she whispered, the unshed tears evident in her voice and she swallowed hard to try and dislodge the lump in her throat. "Did you ever see Kathy on that table or one of your kids?"


	6. Chapter 6

_I have to say I like the new feel of SVU in it's 13th season. Now if we could only have Elliot back, it would be perfect. Still, it's funny how the first season without Chris is shaping up to me the most E/O one yet, we haven't seen that much of the E/O connection on screen in consecutive episodes ever. I hope they keep it up...maybe Chris wants to return now that the show is refreshened somehow. Thinking mid-season would be great...or even late season, like the last episode, and then he'll be back more permanently in season 14 - which is surely coming if they keep up that awesome writing!_

_Anyway, that said, on to the story...  
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><p><em>The warmth of his voice flooded her body and soul and she felt the tense feeling in her chest disappear when his comforting hand squeezed her shoulder. He turned her around to face him and she knew he had to see the tears lingering in her eyes, waiting to be allowed to fall. She tried to hide them by not meeting his eyes, but at the same time she knew it was useless. He could see right through her. There was recognition in his face; an understanding that showed her he knew exactly what she had just seen. <em>

"_Is this what it's like for you?" she whispered, the unshed tears evident in her voice and she swallowed hard to try and dislodge the lump in her throat. "Did you ever see Kathy on that table or one of your kids?"_

"All the time," he admitted in a low voice. He knew the pain she had just experienced a taste of so well and he wanted nothing more than to assure her she would never have to experience it for real. But he couldn't make that promise. "Though for a while now it's usually been you," he added.

Olivia took another deep breath, never closing her eyes, afraid he might be gone when she opened them again. The picture of him on the autopsy table was still too fresh to push to the back of her mind. "How do you make it stop?" she asked, her eyes begging him for a simple solution.

"I can't," he replied and watched her face fall before he turned away and returned his gaze to the scene inside the autopsy room. That was not what she had wanted to hear. "When it happens I look at you and keep telling myself '_It's not real_' over and over in my head," he admitted embarrassedly.

She studied his face; even though she could only see him in profile she could still see how tense he was. "Why didn't you ever tell me?" she whispered as she got a better grip on her own overflowing emotions and reached out to touch his arm to offer some comfort in return. He snorted and refused to look at her, opting instead to keep staring at Adam Nelson who was still shedding tears over his wife.

"What would that have accomplished?" he asked. "Why would I tell you I see your dead body lying in the morgue?" Elliot shook his head slightly. "You would have thought I'm nuts."

"I'd like to think I would have thought you loved me so much you were afraid of losing me," she replied softly, wishing he wouldn't look away. "And I'd definitely not have thought you were crazy. I get that this is not an easy thing to talk about, but I want you to know that you can tell me. I'm not going to think any less of you." She rubbed her hand up and down his arm slowly, silently asking him to meet her eyes.

Elliot turned his head around and looked at her. "It was certainly not pride that kept me from it," he said.

In that moment the door opened and Dr. Warner and the husband stepped out of the autopsy suite. Olivia held Elliot's gaze a moment longer after hearing the door open behind her, but then turned around to face them. Melinda picked up on the intense atmosphere in the room and wondered what these two had been talking about; they were certainly in a serious mood. But her professionalism kept her from commenting; this was neither the time nor the place nor did she think what went on between them was any of her business.

They made their way from the morgue silently after Mr. Nelson had signed the identification papers on his wife. He was in no shape to be questioned, so Elliot and Olivia drove him to his hotel and he promised to come by the station the following morning to give his statement.

"I feel bad leaving him all alone," Olivia said as she got out of the car in front of her building.

Elliot was disentangling himself from the seatbelt to follow her upstairs. As he slammed the car door shut, he replied, "He has no friends and family in the vicinity, there wasn't much we could do." They had offered to call a grief counselor, but Nelson had refused. As sad as it was, but that was where their duty ended.

"I know," she sighed and started climbing the stairs. The elevator was still broken. "But nobody should be alone after receiving that kind of news."

And suddenly Elliot realized something and he saw right past her superficial worry for their victim's husband. "Want me to stay over tonight?" he asked gently as he watched her retrieve her key from her bag. Her hand suddenly started shaking and she tried covering it up by slipping the key into the lock, but she was trembling so badly that she missed repeatedly. "Hey," he whispered as his hand covered hers, steadying it and helping her to unlock the door. He pushed it open and led her inside, waiting in vain for the usual '_I'm fine_' line she served him whenever something like this happened. She didn't say a word, bringing home the whole magnitude of the situation for him.

In the privacy of her dark hallway he drew her into a warm embrace. He felt her whole body tremble. "This is still about earlier," he whispered into her hair, realizing that she was more shaken up about what had happened at the morgue than he had first thought. He recognized now that the reason why she had been so silent in the car was that she had been dwelling on it, replaying the scene over and over in her mind, unable to snap out of it.

Olivia sought comfort from his strong arms, but even he couldn't ward of the chill that seemed to have settled inside her after that vivid flash to his dead body. She had of course always known that in their line of work you could die any moment, but she had never allowed that possibility to slow her down. Yes, there had been numerous times when she had been desperately afraid for Elliot; he seemed to get in harm's way a lot. Getting shot or stabbed or falling off a rooftop.

Probably the closest she had come to feeling like she did right now was when he had been held at gunpoint by Gitano and she had had to make the hardest decision of their partnership, if not her life. That had been before, now everything was different. Now she was officially and irrevocably in love with Elliot and he loved her back. Now there was an actual chance that they could be happy together and she not only faced losing her partner and best friend, but also her lover and her whole world. It just added a surprisingly large amount of pain to the one that had always been present when Elliot was in danger.

She felt his breath in her hair as he whispered soothingly to her. She couldn't make out his words, too wrapped up in her fear, but she felt the trembling slowly ease up as he rocked her gently. She drew in a deep breath before she lifted her head from the crook of his neck. "I'd like for you to stay over tonight," she answered his earlier question, acknowledging her current vulnerable state, and he knew that was a big step for her.

Elliot smiled lovingly before he planted a tender kiss on her forehead. "Let's just order some takeout and turn in early," he suggested. "You're tired."

She had to admit he was right, she felt tired and drained. It was only half past nine, but going to bed sounded like a good idea. "I'm not hungry, just go ahead and order something for yourself." She turned around, freeing herself completely from his arms to take off her jacket and shoes.

"We already skipped lunch," Elliot pointed out, knowing he would probably lose this argument anyway.

"I know El," she sighed, not prepared to fight with him, "I just want to sleep." Her eyes pleaded with him to just let her handle this in her own way.

Short of force feeding her there was usually not much he could do when she got like that. It was funny, he had known Kathy to resort to comfort food whenever something was heavy on her mind and he'd watched Maureen do the same thing once or twice. Olivia was the total opposite; when she wasn't feeling well she stopped eating entirely and she had assured him if he forced her she would just start throwing up sooner or later. He wasn't going to push her that far.

"Okay." He gave in and reluctantly let her go. He watched her retreat to the bedroom; at least she didn't close the door and shut him out completely. He proceeded to the kitchen and cluttered through her cupboards for a few minutes, finally finding some cereal. He added milk from the fridge; miraculously it wasn't sour. She'd gotten better at keeping her apartment stocked with food since he came over more often. Even though he would not normally have chosen to eat cereal for dinner, it was okay and it was fast. He had no patience to wait for delivery; he wanted to go check on her. When he finished and made his way over to the bedroom, Olivia was already in bed. He switched off the light so it wouldn't disturb her, retreated to the bathroom for a quick shower and to brush his teeth, and then crawled in beside her.

She stirred when she felt the mattress shift and instinctively moved closer, allowing him to spoon up behind her. He slipped his arm around her waist and drew her tightly to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. It smelled like lavender, from her conditioner. "I love you," he whispered.

Olivia lifted her arm to grant him better access to her middle and covered his hand with her own, stroking the back of it with her thumb. "I love you too," she replied and let herself relax into his embrace.

Elliot had trouble falling asleep and lay awake for hours after he'd felt her drift off. It pained him to see her so distraught and he felt helpless for he had no idea what to do to make it stop. How could he erase that picture from her mind and make her forget the fear and pain she'd felt at seeing it? He thought back to the first time it had ever happened to him. He had had newly acquired his gold shield and worked on one of his first cases as a detective with SVU. His partner had been more experienced and had so far usually handled the notification of family members and the identification process at the morgue, but that day he had sent Elliot to do it. It hadn't helped that the victim had been a toddler that bore a striking resemblance to Kathleen.

He remembered that pain as acutely as if it had been yesterday and he also remembered struggling a lot with it, finding himself unable – once more – to talk to his wife about it. It had led him to use unrequired force when bringing in the first suspect, who had turned out not to be guilty after all. He'd nearly been put back in uniform.

He liked to think that the threat had been a bit of a wakeup call, forcing him to see how dwelling on things that may never happen turned him into this angry vigilante; out to bring in every child molester, rapist, pedophile and murderer there was. Not that that was an entirely bad thing; you needed a certain determination to get this job done and his anger made him more determined.

But in the end it had been the fact that he realized, if he was afraid to lose his family all the time, that fear would cripple him to the point where he was no longer able to enjoy being around them anymore. Knowing Olivia, she would have come to the same conclusion by morning; she was usually much faster in recognizing certain facts of life than he was. He smiled at the thought, realizing how true it was.

Through their entire partnership she had always been a voice of wisdom when he had failed to see the light at the end of the tunnel. She'd grounded him when he had threatened to lose contact with reality and she'd lifted his spirits when the depressing nature of most of their cases had left him struggling to keep going. She was truly the most amazing person he had ever met. With that thought he tightened his hold on her and closed his eyes, finally feeling his mind relax as sleep overcame him.

It was still dark when something woke him up and it took him a few seconds to figure out what it was. Olivia had somehow disentangled herself from his arms and was mumbling in her sleep as she trashed around, clearly caught up in the throes of a nightmare. He couldn't make out any of the words, but her face was screwed up in fear and desperation and he had a pretty good idea what it was that she was dreaming about.

He reached over and cradled her to his chest, holding her tight even though she was fighting him. "Sshhh, it's okay," he whispered in an attempt to calm her down. "It's okay, Liv, I'm right here." He rubbed a hand up and down her arm, trying to soothe her. It took a while and a few more murmured words of comfort, but she eventually relaxed in his arms without ever waking up.

Elliot never managed to fall asleep again, feeling an absurd obligation to watch over her, almost as if he could ward off another nightmare. And maybe he could, at least she slept peacefully through the rest of the night. He reached over to silence her alarm at 5:30, feeling her starting to stir.

Olivia tried to roll over so she could get out of bed and start her day, but somehow she couldn't. Something held her back. Someone held her back. A brief flash of panic was immediately replaced by recognition and a comfortable feeling. Elliot. She wasn't used to waking up in his arms, but it was definitely something she wanted to get used to.

"Hmm," she moaned contentedly, stretching as she slowly became more awake.

"Morning." Elliot smiled. She looked absolutely adorable with her hair all messy and tousled.

Olivia lifted her head off his chest and kissed him on his jaw. He felt scratchy. "Morning yourself."

The clock on her bedside table started beeping once again, apparently all Elliot had hit was the snooze button. She rolled over to turn it off for good and rose from the bed in the same motion. "Wanna go running with me?" she asked him, looking very much at ease and well rested.

Elliot knew she usually did five miles in the morning. She claimed it helped her wake up and get ready for work, but the way she looked right now, she didn't need any more waking up. It was probably just one more ritual that helped her through the day; he noticed it also kept her incredibly fit and in great shape. He groaned a little as he considered her offer. He was not a morning person, never had been and the fact that he had just spent almost the whole night awake didn't actually help. But maybe running would wake him up too.

"Sure," he agreed groggily, "but you have to promise to wait up when I collapse."

She laughed lightly. "Maybe I'll even buy you a subway ticket if you can't make it back," she teased.

He threw a pillow at her, receiving even more laughter in return. "Don't mock the elderly," he cautioned her, "their vengeance might be more than you can handle."

Olivia raised an eyebrow with a smirk, silently daring him to bring it on. He jumped from the bed and tackled her before he started tickling her so ruthlessly, she could hardly gasp out her plea for mercy between the giggles he elicited from her. "Oh no … stop, El … Please!" she begged, trying to wiggle from his grasp, but he was both stronger than her and had the unfair advantage that she was doubling over with fits of laughter.

He halted his actions for a moment. "Promise to wait for me," he demanded grinning widely and when she didn't answer right away, he proceeded to tickle her once more.

"Okay, okay, I promise … Just stop." She surrendered panting. Elliot was still holding on to her lightly, which was probably a good thing or she would have collapsed back on the bed. She turned to face him more fully, feeling his hands shift to the small of her back as she slowly reached up to stroke over his short-cropped hair. Her breathing had calmed down and she had stopped giggling, but instead gotten lost in the blue pools of his eyes, like she did so often these days. She raised herself up to her toes and kissed him lightly and she felt him draw her in and deepen the kiss.

When they parted, she found herself breathless once more. "I suggest you get changed if you want to come with me," she said in a low voice, smiling at him. She watched him retreat to the bathroom.

The chilly feeling inside her was gone.

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	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks for reviewing! :-)) I just love hearing from you guys.  
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><p><em>He halted his actions for a moment. "Promise to wait for me," he demanded grinning widely and when she didn't answer right away, he proceeded to tickle her once more.<em>

"_Okay, okay, I promise … Just stop." She surrendered panting. Elliot was still holding on to her lightly, which was probably a good thing or she would have collapsed back on the bed. She turned to face him more fully, feeling his hands shift to the small of her back as she slowly reached up to stroke over his short-cropped hair. Her breathing had calmed down and she had stopped giggling, but instead gotten lost in the blue pools of his eyes, like she did so often these days. She raised herself up to her toes and kissed him lightly and she felt him draw her in and deepen the kiss. _

_When they parted, she found herself breathless once more. "I suggest you get changed if you want to come with me," she said in a low voice, smiling at him. She watched him retreat to the bathroom. _

_The chilly feeling inside her was gone._

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Elliot grimaced as he got off the elevator at the precinct at a quarter to seven. Despite the long hot shower he'd taken after the morning run with Olivia he could already feel his muscles protesting against the unfamiliar strain he'd put on them. He worked out a lot, but he almost never jogged. It had always been weight lifting for him, or playing ball with his kids. He hadn't done any serious running ever since he dropped out of the Corps. He was sure Olivia noticed his discomfort, because the look on her face was decidedly mischievous. Thankfully she had the grace not to comment.

"Morning Fin," she greeted their fellow colleague instead, "got anything from the hotel room last night?"

Fin was just pouring himself a cup of coffee, having taken the chance to make some before his partner got here and brewed his own undrinkable slosh. He turned and answered, "Morning yourself. Victim's stuff was still there, no surprise. We found some pretty _interesting_ clothes in her suitcase."

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked as he walked over to get some coffee himself.

"Some of the stuff she packed spells neither 'lawyer' nor 'country girl'. Very sexy, almost to the point of being cheap," Fin explained while he headed over to his desk and sat down.

In front of him Olivia once again saw the thick file of the kindergarten teacher turned pedophile they had lost track off in Alaska a few months ago. She knew Fin kept pulling it out and going over it at least once a week. "Any new leads?" she asked, motioning towards the file.

Fin caught on to her change of topic immediately. "Not really. We had a report of a spotting two days ago – also in Alaska - but nothing came from it. If it was him, he dropped back into hiding as quickly as he came out of it." Fin took a sip from his cup and screwed up his face when the hot liquid burned his tongue. "But I'm not worried, he won't be hiding forever. Guys like him, they just have to do it again."

"Yeah, let's hope it doesn't come to that," Elliot said pointedly before setting his own coffee down on his desk.

Fin shot him a dirty look. "You know that's not what I meant," he spat with indignation.

"Guys," Olivia sighed, annoyed by their attitude and wanting to break them up before they really got at each other's throats. "No bickering before the shift even starts."

Munch chose that moment to make an appearance. He walked through the aisle between Fin's and Elliot's desks and Olivia had a sudden vision of Munch catching fire from the intense stares that passed between the two men. She gave her head a shake to get rid of that picture and exchanged a quick and knowing look with John. Watching Fin and Elliot face off when their combined testosterone levels threatened to overspill had become tedious over the years.

"John," she said in a form of greeting, "you don't look like you slept any last night."

"How very observant of you. I indeed chose to donate most of last night to a project that may further your case," he replied in his typical Munch-like fashion.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "And what project was that?" she asked curiously.

"I started out watching the surveillance tapes from the hotel Abigail Nelson was staying at. Turns out she left again around 8pm the night she was killed," Munch filled her in.

"So she might have gone out to meet her killer, but unless he picked her up at the hotel, that doesn't help us at all," Olivia said.

"He didn't," he continued, "but she left on foot, the camera pointed at the entrance caught that. So I pulled the tape from an ATM camera across the street and saw which direction she left in and it sort of turned into a wild quest pulling surveillance tapes from half of Manhattan." Munch took the half-empty coffee pot out of the machine and gave the coffee inside a sniff, trying to determine whether it was drinkable or not. He decided it smelled okay and proceeded to pour himself a cup.

"It's scary really," he continued after taking a sip and grimacing at its taste, "how the unsuspecting people inhabiting our beautiful city are constantly being watched. I pulled tapes and pictures from nine ATM's, three traffic cameras, four stores and two restaurants to track her through the city. Morales was a big help by the way, you may want to send him a gift basket."

"Where did she go, John!" Elliot exclaimed, no longer patient enough to listen to the endless tale.

Munch turned his head and gave him a look over the rims of his glasses. "Back to Hunter & Partners. Never left through the front door again."

Olivia creased her forehead. "But Hunter wasn't there that night, we verified his alibi, he was at that function with his wife from 7pm till 1am."

"Hunter is not the only one working there. Seems we need to have another chat with the secretary," Elliot said as he rose from his chair and picked up his jacket.

"Elliot, wait." Olivia looked up at him, not having moved to follow him. "The husband is coming over in an hour to give his statement."

Elliot sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'll go with John, you stay here and wait for him?" he proposed.

"Sorry, El," Munch interrupted. "I'm due in court in an hour. Better take Fin, he would be bored out of his mind back here without me anyway." He smirked at his partner, who only growled in return.

Elliot glanced over at Fin, who looked about as enticed by the prospect as he felt. Usually they got along quite well these days. Fin had forgiven Elliot for the stunt he pulled on him a while back that had nearly driven the black detective to transfer out of the unit. But there were still days when they just rubbed each other the wrong way and today seemed to be one of them. Nevertheless there were more pressing things at hand and the job needed to get done, so they made their way over to the elevators in silence and left for the law firm.

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Olivia still had an hour to catch up on paperwork and check on the progress in some of her other cases, so she got right to it after Fin and Elliot had left. She booted her computer and sifted through the message slips that had been left on her desk by the night shift. Melissa Gordon's parents had called yesterday. The girl had been freed from the old lighthouse in Long Island a little over two months ago, she had been one of the girl's Jake Donahue had held captive for years.

Her parents called every week, inquiring about the status of the investigation. So far sadly the only thing she could keep telling them was that they were looking for Donahue, but so far no trace of him. It was really frustrating and she didn't blame the parents for their increasing impatience.

The message also made her think about Amanda again. There wasn't a day that went by that she didn't think about her. That sweet and brave little girl. Amanda had been so terrified when Olivia had first met her, but she had managed to gain her trust and had been able to establish a really good connection with her. Her stunning green eyes had been windows into her tortured soul and Olivia's heart still clenched when she thought back to the pained and desperate expression in them.

She also remembered the horrible few seconds in front of the courthouse very vividly, when everything was supposed to be over and Amanda had been readying herself to get on with life. The picture of how she had tumbled down those massive stone steps still haunted Olivia to this day. It was so cruel that she'd had to die in front of the building where justice was supposed to be brought to her.

Olivia shook her head vigorously, banishing the pictures from her mind. As acute and fresh as the pain still was, she needed to let it go in order to do her job properly. She busied herself bringing the file on the Nelson case up to date and next she looked up it was 8 o'clock and she could see the victim's husband standing in the door.

She got up to greet him. "Mr. Nelson, good morning," she said with an outstretched hand that went unnoticed. She looked him over carefully; he didn't seem to be in very good shape, which wasn't all that surprising, considering the circumstances. "Come on, let's go somewhere a little more quiet," she proposed and proceeded to lead him up the stairs to the lobby.

After she had settled him on the couch with a cup of coffee, she sat down next to him, still studying him closely. He was a picture of total misery. His shoulders were hunched and he was staring into the Styrofoam cup he held in his hands. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes and Olivia wondered if he had stopped to pack at all before he had jumped onto the next flight.

"Please tell me why your wife came to New York in the first place," she asked him gently, purposely starting the interview with a question he had already answered on the phone yesterday to see if he would remember something more now that the initial shock had faded.

It didn't seem as if he had heard her and she was about to ask him once more when he finally lifted his head and started speaking.

"She had a good job back home; she wouldn't have needed to come here at all," he said with a scoff and started twirling the cup in his hands absentmindedly. "Abby wasn't content in Oregon City, she wanted to smell exhaust and other people's waste in the streets instead of freshly mown grass or the roses in our neighbor's flowerbeds. First it was Portland; she was set on moving there and working in a successful law firm." Nelson paused briefly, apparently reminiscing. "I sold my diner in Oregon City so we could move to Portland, where the only job I could find was as a driver for UPS. But I didn't mind, the team was great and there was little overtime. And Abby was happy."

He paused again, but Olivia just let the silence stretch on a little longer, waiting for him to continue his tale. And he did, his voice getting quieter by the second. "At least for a while she was. About six months ago she started getting restless again and this time she wanted to move to New York. I would have done anything to make her happy, so I said I would go with her again. She wrote a lot of applications and this was the first time she was asked to interview for a spot as a lawyer with Hunter & Partners. That's why she came here."

Olivia's heart was going out to the man next to her. He was so deeply affected by the loss of a wife who's needs he had put above his own again and again and who seemed to have repaid him by trying to trade sex for a job. Not that she was about to tell him that. "Was she planning to meet anyone else?" she asked instead.

"No," he replied in his hoarse voice that spoke of a night spent crying, "she just had this one interview. She flew here Monday night, the interview was supposed to be Tuesday and she had a flight booked back home Tuesday night. I went to pick her up, but she wasn't on it."

"Mr. Nelson, we know your wife left her hotel again Tuesday night around eight," Olivia explained, "but she didn't take her suitcase. We think that's when she met her killer." She was eyeing him closely, watching for any reaction to those words that was unusual, anything to hint that he knew something about that. But she couldn't detect the slightest clue that he was deceiving her. He was honestly just a husband mourning his wife.

Nelson swallowed hard. He had put the cup down on the floor, and was wringing his hands as he turned his head to look at the detective for the first time during the whole interview. "Why would she have stayed that long, her flight was supposed to leave 7:30?" he asked, his eyes begging her for an answer she couldn't give him.

"We don't know that yet," she replied truthfully, because unfortunately so far Abigail's motives stayed in the dark. "She didn't call or write you an email that day?"

"No." He shook his head.

Olivia decided not to comment on how odd she found it that his wife wouldn't call him about the outcome of an interview that could have been life-changing for the both of them. "Does she know anyone in the city? Anyone she could have gone to that night?" she asked, opting not to share the fact that his wife had returned to the law firm for now.

"Not that I know of," he said and paused for a few seconds, apparently working up the nerve to ask a question he wasn't sure he really wanted answered. "What happened to my wife, detective?"

Elliot and Olivia had talked this morning about how much to share with Nelson. He had only seen his wife's face yesterday, which was quite well preserved because it had been covered by the plastic bag. The rest of her body had purposely been hidden under the sheet and they didn't plan on disclose the full extent of her injuries. But he had a right to know about everything else. "Mr. Nelson, you know what unit of the NYPD we are, don't you?" she asked him gently.

He looked puzzled, obviously that was not a question he had expected. "Your partner said Special Victims Unit on the phone. To be honest, I haven't given it much thought. You're not homicide?"

"No, Mr. Nelson, we are not homicide," Olivia confirmed. "Our unit is called in for all sexually based offenses." She waited a few seconds and watched her words sink in. She could pinpoint exactly the moment when he realized what that meant.

"My wife was raped?" he gasped, his body growing tense and his eyes suddenly wide with shock.

Olivia sighed, those news were never easy to hear. "I'm sorry," she said. "Evidence on her body suggests that she was." That was as much info as she was ready to give him.

Nelson took a few ragged breaths, tears brimming in his eyes. He drew a hand through his hair before he asked "Why!" with his voice nearly breaking.

"We don't know yet," she said apologetically. "But I promise we will find out."

The interview was clearly over, she'd gotten as much from him as he could give them and he was in no shape to talk anymore. Olivia asked a couple of uniforms to take him to the hotel, hating once more that she had to send him back there all by himself. This man had obviously worshipped his wife, had given up his home and his life for her once and had been on the brink of doing it again. He had made her the center of his world and now that she was gone, he seemed totally lost.

Olivia couldn't help but think about Elliot again. She shuddered as she remembered how pale his face had been when she'd seen him dead in the morgue yesterday. Olivia hugged herself, trying to shake that image. She had decided to let it go, to newly accept the possibility that either of them could die any time. She was determined to enjoy every minute they had together, get the most out of it and live every day as if it was the last one.

Or at least that was what she had told herself this morning when she'd woken up in his arms. Now she found that it was easier said than done. She took a deep breath and shook her head, banishing all those dark thoughts from her mind as she ascended the stairs and got back to work.


	8. Chapter 8

_Wanted to add a new chapter before we get an all new SVU tomorrow :-) Keep reviewing!  
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><p><em>Olivia couldn't help but think about Elliot again. She shuddered as she remembered how pale his face had been when she'd seen him dead in the morgue yesterday. Olivia hugged herself, trying to shake that image. She had decided to let it go, to newly accept the possibility that either of them could die any time. She was determined to enjoy every minute they had together, get the most out of it and live every day as if it was the last one. <em>

_Or at least that was what she had told herself this morning when she'd woken up in his arms. Now she found that it was easier said than done. She took a deep breath and shook her head, banishing all those dark thoughts from her mind as she ascended the stairs and got back to work._

Since she didn't have any leads to follow on this case as long as Elliot and Fin didn't check back with her, she pulled up the latest missing persons files from the database. It had become a routine to check the files several times a week. She and Elliot were keeping their eyes open for any girls older than six and younger than twelve. If one disappeared under suspicious circumstances anywhere within the US, they would make a point of checking it out more closely, still on the lookout for Jake Donahue. They were convinced he would start kidnapping and abusing girls again as soon as he felt safe enough and the moment he did, they would be on to him.

Olivia felt the familiar rage boil inside her that came whenever she thought back to that case. And with it came the heartache for the loss of Amanda's life. For the second time within just a few hours she flashed back to how Amanda had fallen down the stairs and she had to close her eyes to make it stop. She wondered what was wrong with her today; she had thought she'd been dealing with this quite well until now. With a sigh she focused back on the screen, that database was done with the search according to her perimeters. There were two new girls that fit the profile.

The first one was ten and from San Francisco, the investigating detective had added a note to the file – presumed runaway. Apparently there was a history of violence in the family, ten DV calls to the family's residence in the last six months alone. Two of her classmates had hinted at the possibility that she had left after school, determined not to go back home. This didn't feel like Donahue's MO, if there really was an MO with him. The previous kidnappings had all varied so greatly that they wouldn't exclude any possible victims lightly.

Number two was a 12 year old girl in Vermont. She was a bit older than Donahue usually liked his victims, but she and Elliot had decided to set the search perimeters a little wider, just in case. However this was most likely a custody snatch by the girl's father. He was in the wind ever since his daughter went missing. So this wasn't one of Donahue's either.

She closed the database window frustratedly. As much as she hoped that no other girl would ever have to endure what Amanda and the others had gone through, for now the only way to nail Donahue seemed to include him falling back onto his old habits. He seemed to possess the unique ability to blend in with the crowd to an extent that made it impossible to trace him down any other way. Now that he was cut loose from his old life, they really had nothing to trace him by. He had no relatives, no friends, he had never used credit cards, he had left his car behind and aside from shaving his head he really didn't bear any distinctive markers. That one was shaky at best; if he was smart – which he was – he would grow out his hair and would soon become completely unrecognizable.

"Damn it," she muttered under her breath just as Elliot and Fin walked in. Fin went right to his desk without a word, but Elliot had heard her, having somehow developed a sixth sense when it came to her that was even keener now than it had been during all the previous years of their partnership. Even if he hadn't heard, she was sure he would have been able to literally smell her distress.

Elliot stepped around their joined desks and came up behind her, standing as close as possible with just the back of her chair between them. He leaned in a bit more, his eyes fixed on her computer, trying to figure out what she'd been up to, but not detecting a trace on her screen.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, hovering close enough to feel the heat coming off her body, but not close enough to touch.

"Nothing," she said, shaking her head dismissively. Elliot's close presence was making her head spin more than she liked to admit. When she turned to face him his lips were merely an inch from hers and she knew should anyone happen to look at them right now, they'd have a hard time missing the obvious. She leaned back, putting a little more distance between them. "Found anything interesting at Hunter & Partners?" she asked, directing his attention away and back to the case.

There was a hint of a smirk playing around Elliot's lips; he'd of course noticed how she had moved her head back a few inches when she found herself almost close enough to kiss him. This close he could read her even more easily than usual, she was definitely fighting the urge to lean back in. What a sweet and torturous game this was. He closed his eyes and drew in another breath, taking in her scent, before he straightened up and got back to business. "The secretary was not very forthcoming," he said.

"Why am I not surprised?" she muttered wryly as she allowed the regret at the loss of his close presence to show on her face for a tiny moment, just long enough for him to see.

"Fin charmed it out of her though, told her he'd drag her skinny frame down to the station if she wouldn't cooperate and that he'd make sure there would be plenty enough people to see."

Olivia almost snorted at the visual that formed in her head. "And what did she have to say?"

"She wasn't at the office that night, but she told us the names of the people who were clocking overtime. She also let us take the surveillance tapes, so we'll be having fun with a movie now," Elliot answered and proceeded to empty his jacket pockets, dumping his keys and his cell phone on the desk before he finally retrieved a USB drive. Then he walked over to the large screen to put it into the slot.

"And did you talk to any of the employees who stayed late that day?" she asked, as she rose from her chair to follow him to the media room.

Elliot was searching through the files on the USB drive while he answered her. "There were three. One was female and white, one was Latino and very short, but number three was tall and black."

"And?" Olivia inquired impatiently.

"He's Hunter's personal assistant, we didn't talk to him yet. He has the day off and we wanted to see what was on these tapes before we go and pick him up from his apartment," Elliot replied as he started the first video file.

Olivia sat down next to him and focused on the screen. "You could have brought some popcorn," she teased while he fast-forwarded to the proper timeframe.

Elliot chuckled lightly as he looked over to her. "You realize we're working?" he asked, the smile lighting up his eyes.

"I don't know, we're sitting in front of this ridiculously large screen and are about to be bored out of our heads watching endless surveillance tapes. I don't see why we can't at least have some comfort food," she pointed out with a sigh.

There was something about the way she said it that caught Elliot's attention. "What's up, Liv?" he asked, his tone serious but gentle.

Olivia sobered up right away when she sensed the shift in his demeanor. "Nothing," she said, once more trying to brush him off. But she was aware of his watchful stare, of how he tried to see past her exterior façade. Unfortunately he usually could, as much in tune as they were these days. "I'm just in a funny mood today, I guess," she added in an attempt to get him off her case.

Elliot could tell there was more to it, she seemed distraught and she couldn't fool him. But after all these years he knew her well enough to know when to push and when to give her some space. This was definitely not the time to push her. He returned his attention back to the screen just in time to stop the video that now showed Abigail Nelson.

The camera was pointed at the main entrance and they could clearly see their victim entering the lobby a quarter after 8 pm.

"Wow," Olivia exclaimed while Elliot simultaneously gave a low whistle. "I wonder what would happen if Alex ever came to court dressed like that," she frowned.

"Her conviction rate would skyrocket even more," Elliot replied chuckling.

"Yeah, maybe not in Petrovsky's courtroom."

"Or maybe especially in Petrovsky's courtroom," he deadpanned and laughed even more when Olivia's head shot around with a scandalous look plastered all over her face.

"You're something, you know?" she said, shaking her head, but joining into his laughter.

They were laughing so hard, they turned quite a few heads in the adjoining bullpen including Fin's. He watched them for a moment, wondering not for the first time how tight these two really were. Then again, maybe he didn't want to know or it would get them and him into trouble for sure.

Elliot and Olivia were oblivious to the attention they were drawing to themselves.

"So she walks into the lobby dressed somewhere between 'first date' and 'I'll cost you 50 bucks' and then goes past the front desk right into Hunter's office," Elliot summed up what they'd seen so far.

"Yeah, but see," Olivia pointed to the screen, "She's coming right back out, presumably because Hunter wasn't in. And then she tries the next door."

"It's the one leading to the office of Hunter's assistant, Dwayne Barry." Elliot filled in the blanks.

"Fast-forward, I want to know if they leave together."

Elliot did as she had asked and according to the digital clock at the bottom of the screen it was 15 minutes later when she exited the office again. She wasn't alone; a tall black man who could only be Barry followed her on her heels and took her elbow when they had both stepped out into the lobby. They didn't leave through the front entrance, but followed a corridor that veered off to the side.

"Do we have more footage covering that corridor?" Olivia asked when the two people had left the camera range. She had watched closely for any hint that Abigail had been forced to follow, but she had been smiling and flirting and for all Olivia could tell seemed to have been very willing to go with Barry. At this point there was no hint of a rape in her near future.

"We got a second camera overlooking the part of the parking garage reserved for the employees," Elliot replied and stopped the video to open the next file.

"Bingo," he exclaimed after a few minutes of skimming through the footage when Dwayne showed up in the video. But no Abigail.

"He's alone." Olivia creased her forehead. "Notice the time code? This is over 2 hours after they left his office." She gave him a significant look, knowing he drew the same conclusion from it as she did.

"He raped her somewhere in that building. Check this out now, he's backing the car up to the door leading to the staircases and elevators," he said as he pointed at the screen.

"Damn it," Olivia cursed quietly, "the car is blocking our view of the door, there is no way to tell what it is that he is loading into the back."

"I'll call Alex; this should be enough to get us a warrant for the car and the office space Hunter & Partners rented. Plus, we should haul Barry's ass back here as soon as possible, before he decides to skip town." Elliot rose from his chair, but was stopped in his tracks when Olivia spoke again.

"El, he could have raped her anywhere in that building. Matter of fact I doubt he did it at the office; that would have been very stupid," she said, waving her hand in an explanatory gesture.

"Think we can get a warrant for the whole building?" he asked skeptically.

"I think we should at least try. Go call Alex, I'll run a background check on Barry," she said and rose from her chair to get back to her desk and her computer.

While Elliot talked to Alex on the phone, trying to convince her to at least try and get a judge to sign the necessary paperwork, he watched Olivia's face go from puzzled to concerned to downright distraught as she scrolled through what he assumed was the available info on their suspect. Not for the first time he cursed the fact that they still hadn't gotten cordless phones for their desks; he would have liked to walk around to her side to check her screen for any clues what was going on.

"_Elliot, are you still there?"_ He heard Alex's voice on the other end of the line.

"Sorry, got distracted for a second," he apologized sheepishly. "So will you get us a warrant?"

"_I'll try, but don't get your hopes up. It would probably be better if you went door to door for the other rented out offices and asked their permission. I'll get you the warrant for Hunter & Partners and the public areas in the building as soon as possible._"

"Okay Alex. I'm on my way over to pick them up." Elliot ended the call and hung up, before making his way over to Olivia's side of the desk. She was scrolling through DMV pictures, which puzzled him, because there couldn't be that many Dwayne Barrys in New York.

"What's up?" he asked as he leaned in a bit closer.

"I got one hit for a Dwayne Barry," Olivia replied and pulled up the picture in a different window. The man in the DMV shot was the right age and race, but he was clearly not the same person as in the surveillance video they had just watched.

"That's not our guy," Elliot said, giving his head a small shake. He knew he was stating the obvious, the fact that she'd broadened the search already showed him she'd come to the same conclusion.

"Exactly; which is why I checked on variations of the name, like Berry, but no luck." Olivia leaned back in her chair, and turned her head so she could look at him. His face mirrored hers; they were both trying to figure out this mess. "I think we are dealing with a stolen identity here."

Elliot nodded his agreement slowly, mulling that thought over, but it was really the most logical explanation. "I wonder when that happened," he said. "I mean, he's been working for that firm for years, there must be something in his past he wanted to leave behind. We need to find out what that was and we need to find out what happened to the real Barry."


	9. Chapter 9

"_That's not our guy," Elliot said, giving his head a small shake. He knew he was stating the obvious, the fact that she'd broadened the search already showed him she'd come to the same conclusion._

"_Exactly; which is why I checked on variations of the name, like Berry, but no luck." Olivia leaned back in her chair, and turned her head so she could look at him. His face mirrored hers; they were both trying to figure out this mess. "I think we are dealing with a stolen identity here."_

_Elliot nodded his agreement slowly, mulling that thought over, but it was really the most logical explanation. "I wonder when that happened," he said. "I mean, he's been working for that firm for years, there must be something in his past he wanted to leave behind. We need to find out what that was and we need to find out what happened to the real Barry."_

"I'll send the surveillance video files over to TARU; Morales will be able to run some stills through the facial recognition software. If we're lucky, our guy has a rap sheet or is registered somewhere," Olivia said as her fingers started dancing rapidly across the keyboard. "Here's the address we have for Barry," she continued after a few seconds and scribbled it down on a piece of paper she then handed to Elliot. "I'll go and get the warrant from Alex and will meet a CSU team at Hunter & Partners, I suggest you take Fin and go ahead and pick up Barry, or whatever his real name is."

Elliot gave her a small smile; he loved it when she took charge like that. "Sounds like a plan," he said and straightened up to turn around. "Fin?"

Fin looked up from the file he'd been going over, his expression somewhere between exasperated and pissed. He gave Elliot his deadliest stare, going out on yet another field trip with Stabler today was really not something he wanted to do at all. But as usual, he didn't get a choice.

Elliot chose to ignore the stare and not to return it with one of his own. He was too busy thinking about the possible explanations for the identity theft to care about Fin's antics. "Come on, I'll even let you drive," he quipped as he picked up his jacket and turned to leave for the elevators.

Olivia exchanged an apologetic look with Fin. She knew today was probably not the best day to send these two out together for the second time, but it really made more sense to search for the crime scene and bring Barry in at the same time. He didn't need any more of a head start; if he had any brains at all he was already on the run. Yet the crime scene couldn't wait either. Not only was their evidence disintegrating with every passing minute, they also needed to find whatever they could to be able to indict Barry before the 24 hours of holding time were up. So far all they had was circumstantial and wouldn't be enough to hold up in court.

She made the call to CSU and was already on her way out to Alex's office when she spotted Elliot's cell still on his desk along with his house keys. She sighed, this wasn't the first time he had forgotten to take his phone. She pocketed it, deposited his keys in the top drawer of his desk and texted Fin a quick explanatory message before finally leaving the building.

"Who are you after at Hunter & Partners?" Alex asked as Olivia entered her office. She held out the blue piece of paper to her friend, the one that magically opened all doors.

"The boss's assistant. You know anyone at that firm?" Olivia inquired curiously. She pocketed the warrant and watched Alex, waiting for an answer.

"I met Hunter at a conference once, but not the assistant. Hunter doesn't usually take on cases like ours," Alex replied, rolling her eyes.

She didn't need to elaborate, Olivia knew exactly what she meant. Hunter was not the type of lawyer who'd deal with rapists and child molesters. He would go where the big bucks were.

"Let me know when you've got something for me?" Alex asked. A rhetorical question really.

"Sure," Olivia smiled and made to leave.

"Liv?" Alex's voice was lower now; she'd dropped out of her business mode.

Olivia turned around in the doorway, looking at Alex expectantly. "Yeah?"

"Wanna grab a drink tonight?" Alex asked. "We haven't done that in ages."

She was right and Olivia felt a bit bad about it. She and Alex used to get together after work on a regular basis, talking about cases or just sharing some girl time. But ever since she'd gotten involved with Elliot she had been with him nearly every evening. She hadn't realized until now that she actually missed spending time with Alex.

"Sounds great. Meet you back here around seven?"

Alex's face lit up as she smiled softly. "Looking forward to it."

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

Olivia arrived at Hunter & Partners just before lunch and she could spot the CSU truck pulling up behind her car. Burt Trevor, one of the seasoned CSU techs, exited the truck and walked up to her as she got out of her own car.

"Detective Benson," he said, greeting her.

"Hi! So, did you bring lots of Luma-Lite's?" She grinned at him, knowing the techs would just love to search every room of a 40 storey building with nothing but a fancy flashlight.

"Don't even start," he shot back good-naturedly.

Olivia got out of the car and made her way back to the CSU truck with Trevor. His team was already unloading all their stuff and they handed her a Luma-Lite. She wouldn't be left out, the more helping hands, the earlier they could find the crime scene. They would start with the office space the law firm had rented and proceed from there.

~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~

Meanwhile Elliot and Fin drove to the Upper East Side address they had gotten for Barry. The apartment building looked very luxurious and they were greeted by the doorman.

Elliot flashed his badge at the elderly and slightly squat man. "Detective Stabler, this is Detective Tutuola," he introduced them while snapping the shield back onto his belt. "We need to talk to one of your tenants, Mr. Dwayne Barry."

"Hello detectives," the doorman's interest was definitely perked. "You here on business?"

"We just need to speak with Mr. Barry," Fin insisted calmly, not disclosing the nature of their visit.

The doorman seemed to understand the hidden meaning of that and Elliot wondered if he'd been a cop himself. It wouldn't be the first time they ever encountered a retired cop in a position like his. The doorman considered them for another fraction of a second and then nodded and turned to open the door for them.

They made their way upstairs silently, the air between them was still tense and neither found any reason to talk to the other. They bumped into each other when the elevator doors opened and they had both tried to exit first, almost fleeing the confined space they had been forced to share. Fin grunted when Elliot's larger frame barreled into him, but refrained from shooting another dirty look at the other detective. It would have been entirely wasted anyway, because Elliot had already pushed past him and was approaching their suspect's apartment door.

Fin looked after Elliot resentfully, but he didn't get to sulk for long because Elliot's demeanor suddenly changed. He saw him stiffen as he closed in on the door and his eyes searched the hallway for what Elliot might have seen.

He watched as Elliot turned to the side and reached for his gun slowly. The turn enabled Fin to get a clear view of the door for the first time and he saw what had gotten Elliot's attention. The door was ajar.

Fin reached for his own gun and closed in on Elliot, who gave him a silent but meaningful look right before he slowly pushed the door open. Fin secured the hallway inside the apartment and they proceeded to move through the rooms, clearing one after another. Once they'd made sure the place was empty, Elliot allowed himself to relax considerably. He put the gun back into the holster at his belt and turned to look at Fin. Their personal problems forgotten for the moment, he gave the other detective a questioning look.

"Place looks trashed," Fin stated. His words couldn't be more true. Drawers had been pulled out and turned over, the floor was littered in clothes and papers as literally every single cupboard and shelf had been emptied. Even the kitchen paraphernalia lay strewn across the marble tiles. The place was furnished expensively to a degree that left Elliot seriously wondering how a simple assistant could afford all this. However the tasteful style that had once dominated the apartment's interior was now almost unrecognizable due to the havoc that had been caused.

"Hey Stabler, check this out," Fin called from the direction of the bedroom.

Elliot moved toward him from where he'd been trying to tiptoe through the mess least he disturb what might be important evidence. Fin was standing next to the huge double bed that occupied the center of the room. Elliot only fleetingly noticed the equally large mirror on the bedroom ceiling as his eyes were drawn to the bed itself. There was blood on it.

Fin had moved the heavy bedspread aside and uncovered the stain. It was a fair amount of blood, but not enough to deduct that the person who had lain there might have died from exsanguination.

"Looks like we have enough for a warrant," Elliot commented matter of factly. His mind was already racing, trying to make heads or tails of what they had found here. This made no sense; they had no reason to believe Barry had taken Abigail back here, so it couldn't really be her blood. And the way the apartment looked it almost seemed as if Barry had been at the receiving end of a committed crime himself. He shook his head and reached for his phone, but remembered that Olivia had texted Fin earlier that she had taken it after he'd left it on his desk.

Fin saw his move and reached for his own cell to make the call. While they waited for CSU Elliot went downstairs to interview the doorman and Fin stayed at the apartment poking around a bit more.

"So do you remember when you last saw Mr. Barry?" Elliot asked the doorman, who indeed had been a cop in a former life and had been forced to drop out when a bullet had crippled his right arm.

"Certainly, what kind of doorman would I be if I didn't?" the man asked in return, a bit offended. "He came home very early on Wednesday morning, it was still dark and my shift had barely started. Haven't seen him leave since. Feel free to ask the guy who does the night shift, but I'm pretty certain he hasn't seen him either, because he commented about it when we switched this morning."

"What did he say?" Elliot inquired curiously. He retrieved his notebook from his jacket pocket.

"Oh nothing specific, we just usually give each other a heads up about the tenants. You know, who is home, who is out, so we know for whom we need to keep an eye out," he explained. "He mentioned that he hadn't seen Mr. Barry since he came in Monday night. I saw him leave Tuesday morning at his usual time. I assume he went to the office. And then he got in Wednesday morning, so I suppose he never returned home Tuesday night."

"Was that unusual?" Elliot asked with a frown forming on his features.

"Mr. Barry often works late and it wasn't unusual for him to get in way past midnight. But for him to get home so late that I would catch him come in? Never happened before; my shift starts at six for God's sake! Also normally our tenants give notice if they won't be home for days, Mr. Barry never said he'd go on vacation," the doorman reported with a shrug. "But since we haven't seen him for a few days, he might be."

"Is there a back door or any other way to leave the building?" Elliot asked while he scribbled down what the doorman had told him about the presumed timeline.

"We don't have a backdoor, but there's a fire escape that Mr. Barry could access from his bathroom window. It leads down into the back alley, but the ladder has been stuck for a long time. I keep bugging the janitor to get it fixed, you know it's not safe that way if there ever was a fire. But that man is a lazy-assed dimwit. If Mr. Barry went down that way he would have had to make a 20 foot drop."

Elliot considered that for a moment, but it wasn't an impossible thing to pull that off and not be too severely injured to escape further. "Can you tell me whether he ever brought any women home with him or did he have a girlfriend?"

The doorman's eyebrows rose noticeably. "Girlfriend?" he scoffed and moved a bit closer as he lowered his voice, "Girls weren't his thing, if you know what I mean."

Elliot's head snapped up and he squinted at the doorman as those words sunk in. "He was gay?"

"Definitely! He brought back plenty of guys and the way they moved around each other made it quite hard to miss what they were up to. Always touching and often even kissing; right on the street." The man shook his head in obvious disapproval of such behavior.

That fact changed quite a few things. A gay rapist wasn't unheard of. After all rape wasn't about lust or passion, it was about power and the fact that he was homosexual didn't automatically exclude Barry from their very short list of suspects. Still, the majority of all rapists were straight and gay rapists were less likely to be convicted by a jury because most people found it harder to believe a homosexual man would commit a crime like that against a woman. While Elliot was still mulling that newly found fact over - trying to fit it into their tentative profile - he saw the CSU truck pull up.

"SVU is keeping us busy today!" The tech greeted him with a smile as he was disembarking the vehicle. Elliot recognized the man as Adrian Sung, an experienced member of CSU and he sent a silent thank you to whoever had assigned him this team. They really couldn't afford another messed up crime scene on this case. "Your partner has Burt searching a 40 storey building with a Luma-Lite, now I hear you've got a whole messy apartment for us to play around. Let me tell you detective," Sung said as he leveled a finger at Elliot good-naturedly, "we are not bored back at the lab, there is no need to go and find more crime scenes for us." He was still smiling brightly.

Elliot was used to the banter. He got along well with most of the guys down at the lab at One-PP. "I'm sorry I interrupted your lunch break," he grinned back, knowing full well that with the huge fire in Harlem the techs were probably all pulling overtime and wouldn't have time for lunch.

"Yeah, yeah," Sung shook his head. He felt no need to correct the detective. If he was honest, he was glad to get out and away from the piercing gasoline stench at the lab. "Listen, Siper asked me to pass word that she is done with your washer. She wants to see you if you can squeeze in a visit at the lab later."

"Oh, that's good news," Elliot commented and for the second time tried to reach for his phone to let Olivia know, only to remember that he didn't have it with him. He groaned softly, making a mental note to ask Fin to text her as soon as he was back up at the apartment.

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	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for reviewing! :-) Let me just say I liked last nights episode (Missing Pieces) a lot. The only thing I was a bit disappointed about was that the return of Calvin Benson was nothing more than a very short scene in the teaser. *sigh* But I guess it's nice to know that Olivia is keeping in touch with him._

_And secondly, Mariska twittered about the third necklace Olivia is now wearing. It's a gift from Elliot, it's his Semper Fi Marine medal. Wow. Semper Fi - Always Faithful. It doesn't get much more E/O than that, at least not on screen._

_Anyway, enjoy the new chapter!_

* * *

><p>"<em>Yeah, yeah," Sung shook his head. He felt no need to correct the detective. If he was honest, he was glad to get out and away from the piercing gasoline stench at the lab. "Listen, Siper asked me to pass word that she is done with your washer. She wants to see you if you can squeeze in a visit at the lab later."<em>

"_Oh, that's good news," Elliot commented and for the second time tried to reach for his phone to let Olivia know, only to remember that he didn't have it with him. He groaned softly, making a mental note to ask Fin to text her as soon as he was back up at the apartment. _

#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#~#

Olivia reached for her phone as it buzzed in the back pocket of her jeans. They had covered the whole office space of Hunter & Partners and hadn't found a trace of bodily fluids. Quite remarkable, considering how many employees in New York had sex at the office. Hunter seemed to run a tight ship. She was currently making her way down the stairwell that lead to the parking garage, the rest of the team was searching the elevators, hallways and storage spaces that could be publicly accessed.

The phone's display glowed in the darkened stairwell; she'd turned off the lights to be able to use the Luma-Lite properly. She smiled as she read Fin's text. Elliot wanted to meet her at the lab later and Fin wasn't exactly happy with his new assignment as their communicator. She wrote back to him, confirming she'd be there as well as offering some teasing words of comfort and then resumed sweeping the light around, checking all walls and floors.

A minute later she was distracted once more by a ringing phone, but the ringtone, though very familiar, wasn't her own. She retrieved Elliot's phone from her jacket and checked the caller ID. It was his daughter - Maureen. Olivia was torn between taking the call and just letting the phone ring, after all Elliot could easily call her back later and she really had no business answering his phone. Then again it might be important. She touched the screen, deciding to answer in case it was an emergency.

"Hey Maureen, this is Olivia," she said, smiling a little.

"_Liv? I thought I was calling Dad, did I get the numbers mixed up?_" Maureen sounded uncertain and Olivia could hear a rustling on the other end that probably meant she was rechecking the number she had dialed.

"No sweetie, your father just forgot the cell on his desk and I took it with me when I left the station," Olivia explained as she sat down on the stairs and turned off the blueish light for the moment, casting the room in almost total darkness. Only the small emergency beacon at the bottom of the stairs continued to glow. Almost like a firefly in the night.

"_Oh, so he's not with you?_" Maureen asked.

Olivia was sure she could hear the disappointment in her voice. "No, not right now, but I'll meet up with him in a bit. Want me to pass a message?" she offered.

"_Actually I was kinda hoping he might come over tonight_," Maureen said, her voice shaking almost imperceptibly.

But Olivia wouldn't be as good at her job as she was if she hadn't been able to pick up on it right away and she immediately grew concerned. "I'll let him know to give you a call so you can set something up," she replied and hesitated for a moment before she added, "Is everything alright, Maureen?" Her voice was soft.

She cared for all of Elliot's kids a lot, she always had. Yet she felt a little closer to Maureen than to her siblings; a feeling that had only intensified during their stay in the Catskills earlier this year. She closed her eyes, picturing the girl on the other end of the line. She was virtually able to see the tension she could hear in her voice mirrored in her expression.

Maureen contemplated brushing his father's friend off, this was a family thing and she really needed to talk to her Dad. On the other hand Olivia was a good friend and she knew she was very important to her father and most of all she trusted her, which was probably why she let the reason for her distress slip. "_I…_," she stammered slightly reluctant, "_I need to talk to him about Mom – and Sean_."

Olivia froze as those words hit her. They had been spoken very quietly, almost as if Maureen had hoped she wouldn't be heard at the other end of the line. She knew from an earlier conversation she'd had with Maureen about that topic that Sean wasn't an easy person to be around and that Elliot's kids all agreed on disliking him. Sadly she hadn't been able to get any specifics from Maureen then and she also knew Elliot had been trying for weeks to get more info from all of his kids about their current home situation. All they had been willing to share was that they hated Sean and that he ignored them. Not exactly grounds for an official inquiry, but that hadn't stopped Elliot from running a background check on Sean. Unfortunately it had turned up nothing, which didn't do anything to settle his nerves, because he was convinced that there was something wrong with the guy.

She sighed, wondering what might be going on and hoping that it was nothing too serious even though her gut told her otherwise. "Maureen, you know if there is anything I could do to help, all you have to do is say the word," she said, wishing she could see Maureen so she would be able to make her believe that she really meant it. She'd set the Luma-Lite down next to her and was running her free hand across her forehead before the combed her hair back as she waited intently for an answer, hoping the girl would open up more.

Maureen didn't need to see Olivia to know she was sincerely concerned and offering to help, but this was really not something that could be discussed over the phone. "_I know, Liv. Thank you. But if you could just tell Dad to call me back?_"

"I promise," Olivia answered, closing her eyes for a second when she again picked up on the desperation in Maureen's voice. She could only hope Elliot would get something out of her. She heard the line click as Maureen disconnected and slipped Elliot's phone back into her jacket with a sigh before she got up to resume her search.

Ten minutes later she gave up. She couldn't focus anymore and had been forced to go over the same patch of wall three times already, because her brain refused to function. Or at least it refused to concentrate on the task at hand. She knew she should be able to suck it up and get the job done, behave like a professional, but her mind was going a mile a minute, dwelling on all the likely and unlikely possibilities when it came to the current situation back at the Stabler residence in Queens.

She felt restless, anxious to tell Elliot about Maureen's call and at the same time dreading to do so because she knew Elliot would go out of his mind with worry before he could see his daughter tonight. Same as she was right now. Or maybe not the same, after all Maureen was not her child. Still, she couldn't imagine anyone being more worried than she felt. She had to clamp down hard on the urge to drive out to Queens herself right away and picked up her phone instead, texting Fin for what felt like the thousandth time with a message for Elliot.

She needed him to meet her at the lab now, not in two hours as they had originally planned. She needed to see him, talk to him about this or she felt she would go crazy as her mind insisted on suggesting the most horrible scenarios to her, each new one more gruesome than the last.

She didn't even wait for Fin to reply before she left the stairwell and headed back to the elevators. She pressed the button and waited for the doors to open. When they finally did after what had seemed like an eternity she saw Burt staring back at her, a questioning look on his face. The fact that she was halfway up the building and that not nearly enough time had elapsed for her to be finished told him something had come up and he didn't even bother to ask.

"Sorry, Burt." Olivia felt compelled to apologize. This was usually not her style; she didn't abandon the CSU team at a scene, especially if they hadn't even found the actual crime scene yet. She felt bad about it, but it couldn't be changed. Sometimes other things were just more pressing and she was no use to them in her current state of mind anyway.

"No problem, Detective B.," he winked at her.

Olivia gave him a small smile as she boarded the elevator to get down to her car. She handed him her Luma-Lite and disembarked as soon as the doors started opening in the downstairs lobby. She willed herself not to run from the building, it wouldn't have been of any use. Elliot was a lot further away from the lab than she was; he would need at least twice as long to make it there. She had no reason to hurry.

Nevertheless she couldn't find the restraint within her that would have been necessary to keep from walking as fast as possible without actually calling it running.

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When Elliot pulled up in front of the lab entrance to One-PP he could spot the car Olivia must have taken three slots down. Good, she was already here. Her sudden change of plans could mean a million different things, nearly all of which made him at least uncomfortable. Either she had found something disturbing at the law firm's building or something else had come up. For what felt like the fiftieth time in the short few hours since he had left the precinct with Fin at noon he cursed himself for leaving the stupid phone behind. He felt disconnected from the world, cut out of the investigation and cut off from her. He was glad he'd get it back in a few minutes.

He made his way upstairs and into the section of the lab where he knew the washer from the laundry shop had been brought two days ago. He could see Olivia through the glass doors; she was talking to Siper already. He could tell by the way her shoulders were set and how she angled her head towards Siper that she was extremely tense.

He pushed the door open, even more worried now about what was going on. Olivia had her back to him and only reacted when she noticed how the CSU Captain's attention was drawn away. When she turned to acknowledge his presence, he immediately noticed the distraught look on her face and it caused his stomach to clench. Something was wrong. The way they could read each other so clearly was usually a great source of comfort and also the reason why they worked so well together as a team. As much as it normally calmed him to be able to tell what she was thinking, it could at times also be a curse.

Now was a time like that, because he was fairly certain that this wasn't about Abigail Nelson. "Everything alright?" he asked softly, even though he knew she'd most likely block the question. She wouldn't want to discuss anything not case related in front of a third person. His eyes searched hers for any clues about what was on her mind while simultaneously offering his silent comfort.

"Yeah," she answered with a smile that didn't reach her eyes, but showed him nonetheless that she had understood him.

"Good news, we got hair from the washer." Olivia outwardly dove right into the case; it needed to be handled first so she could get to what really was on her mind as soon as possible. She could sense Elliot's worry as acutely as if it was her own and the need to talk to him became even more pressing than it had been before.

Elliot lifted an eyebrow; acknowledging her silent message. "Hair? How is that possible?" he asked, directing his attention to Siper and momentarily allowing his professional exterior to take the lead.

"I take it you never had to repair a laundry machine, detective?" Siper quipped sarcastically. "Because if you had, you'd know the first place to check when the thing stops functioning is the grid that keeps hairs and fibers from clogging up the pipes." She reached behind herself where a five by five plastic grid was lying on a lab table. She took it and held it up for him to see.

"I talked to the laundry shop owner," Siper continued explaining, "The grids are cleaned every night before he closes up, because with all that hotel laundry he gets, there is just a lot of junk that gets caught there. So that means everything in our grid will have come from your victim or your perp."

Elliot nodded, that made sense. It was also extremely lucky. He could just imagine how long it would have taken to separate relevant evidence from all the other stuff that got caught in the machine on a daily basis. Thankfully they didn't have to take that hurdle.

"I found plenty of hair from the victim," Siper said, "which is not surprising. However I also found a pubic hair that didn't belong to her. I sent it to Dr. Warner; she informed me an hour ago that she was able to get a DNA profile from it despite all that bleach in the washer. She said your perp is not in any database, but she can match a suspect to the profile."

"That's great news," Elliot said, releasing a long breath as he felt relief wash over him. Finally a truly solid piece of evidence that would hold up in court, they had needed that so desperately with this case.

"There was more to that hair actually," Siper carried on and found herself pierced by the questioning looks of the two detectives. "Warner ran some standard tests, you know, to check for genetic markers that could narrow down the suspect pool. Your perp is a black male."

Elliot turned his head to Olivia, intending to exchange a meaningful gaze with her. It became more and more likely that the man who called himself Dwayne Barry was indeed their rapist. But Olivia didn't look at him, she just nodded absentmindedly, which caused him to grow even more concerned. Normally she would be thrilled about the news, it meant they weren't barking up the wrong tree and he could feel how they were getting closer to an arrest even though there were still plenty of questions that needed answering. Yet despite the good news Olivia's mind was elsewhere and he needed to know what was going on - preferably now.

They thanked Siper and made their way out of the building. On any other day Elliot would have used the privacy of their squad car to ask her what was wrong. Not only were they safe from being overheard, she also couldn't run from his questions, which she frequently did otherwise. Unfortunately they had come here separately today.

He gently took her by the elbow and was surprised she followed him without resistance when he led her a bit further down the street, away from the prying ears of NYPD employees who entered and exited the building.

"Maureen tried to call you on your cell earlier," she blurted out before he'd even turned to look at her and started to ask what was going on. She saw the look of panic cross his eyes, and quickly reassured him with a hand to his arm. "Everyone is fine."

Elliot relaxed a little, but kept his piercing gaze trained on her eyes. She was clearly very distraught by the call so her assurance that there was no imminent danger only made him wonder even more what could possibly be going on.

Olivia knew she badly needed to tell him, but she also knew he'd spend the rest of the day worried about what might be wrong that Maureen would want to see him. Part of her wanted to spare him that agony, but there was just no way around it. That was the beauty of parenthood and for a second she sarcastically thought that this was one problem she didn't have to face in her life. Then a part of her brain suggested to her that she already _was_ out of her mind with worry and it wasn't even her child.


	11. Chapter 11

_Oh God, it took me forever to update! I'm so sorry. Typical case of sick computer in combination with not having a backup file for the story, thankfully the laptop could be revived. _

_Enjoy!  
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><p><em>Elliot relaxed a little, but kept his piercing gaze trained on her eyes. She was clearly very distraught by the call so her assurance that there was no imminent danger only made him wonder even more what could possibly be going on. <em>

_Olivia knew she badly needed to tell him, but she also knew he'd spend the rest of the day worried about what might be wrong that Maureen would want to see him. Part of her wanted to spare him that agony, but there was just no way around it. The beauty of parenthood and for a second she sarcastically thought that this was one problem she didn't have to face in her life. Then a part of her brain suggested to her that she already was out of her mind with worry and it wasn't even her child. _

"Olivia, what did she say?" Elliot asked softly, but not without impatience.

She realized that she had gotten distracted by her thoughts and quickly raised her eyes to meet his. "Sorry. I know I probably shouldn't have answered your phone, but I thought it might be an emergency," she apologized.

Elliot waved her off. "Don't worry about that, it's okay. Just tell me what she said," he requested once more.

Olivia gave her head a small shake, making herself focus as her thoughts had started drifting off again, going through all the different reasons that could be behind Maureen's call. "She wants to see you tonight, wants to talk about Kathy and Sean." Olivia watched her words sink in. She watched worry, anger, exasperation and despair play across his features and wished she could take it all away from him or at least share the burden, not realizing that she in fact already did.

"Did she say anything else?" Elliot asked after a few short moments and she could see his mind had already started going over possibilities, same as hers had when she'd taken the call.

"No, I offered that she could tell me, but she wants to talk to you in person and she asked if you could come over tonight, that was all." Olivia paused briefly before she continued in an even lower voice. "Elliot, what do you think it going on with this Sean? Do you believe he's hurting Kathy or the kids?"

"I honestly don't know," he replied, lost in thought and not meeting her concerned eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck, staring off into space before he moved to take the cell phone from her hand. "I guess there is only one way to find out."

Elliot had sensed for a long time already that there was something wrong with Kathy's boyfriend. His kids all clammed up when the topic changed to him and had so far not been forthcoming with any details about the guy. Elliot had only seen him once when he'd been at his old house in Queens to get the twins for a soccer game. As a cop he usually trusted his instincts when it came to judging people. With Sean, his skin had immediately started to crawl and it had not been something the guy had said or done. Matter of fact he had been very polite, but he still rubbed Elliot the wrong way.

At the time he had chalked that up to the fact that Sean was screwing his ex-wife. He'd been married to Kathy for over a decade, that he would be affected by her getting into a new relationship was only natural. Just because you were divorced didn't mean that you stopped caring entirely and even if he'd never loved Kathy as much as he loved Olivia now, she was not nothing to him. He didn't want her hurt and even more importantly he didn't want his kids hurt. So far they had always insisted that everything with Sean was fine, aside from the fact that he ignored them.

If he was honest, Elliot hadn't been exactly displeased by the fact that Sean showed no interest in his children. It would be so much harder for him to deal with the fact that there was another man living with his family if his kids had actually started to warm to him. As selfish as that sounded even to his own ears, but Elliot preferred for them not to get too attached to any other father figure in their lives.

He felt Olivia's hand on his arm, she hadn't removed it ever since she'd reassured him that there was no imminent danger for Maureen or anyone else. Her touch was light, but he still felt the warmth through his jacket. He slowly became more aware of his surroundings again, the traffic noises invaded his thoughts and he jumped a little when a horn blared right next to where they were standing.

Elliot pocketed his phone and looked at her. "Thanks," he said softly, knowing she would read all the rest that was going through his head loud and clear from the expression on his face. "Meet you back at the house?"

"Sure," she replied, almost in a whisper as she gave his arm one last squeeze before she turned to walk to her car.

Elliot watched her leave before he got into his own car and dialed his daughter's number.

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Olivia was on the phone with CSU when she watched Elliot enter the bullpen a little later. She tried getting a read on his mood, but her attention was drawn back to the tech she was speaking to about the crime scene that had been found in a storage room three storeys down from Hunter & Partners. She sighed, the prospect of going back did not really appeal to her. She was hungry and still worried about Maureen's earlier call. The girl had sounded so desperate and she had wanted to talk to Elliot over a late lunch, preferably without any interruptions. It didn't look as if that was going to happen now.

She momentarily turned her head away from Elliot who had been watching her intently to catch a hint on what was going on with the case. She quickly scribbled down directions to the specific storage room, the building was huge and the corridors had a labyrinthic quality. Short of leaving out bread crumbs for them to follow, CSU did it's best to describe the exact location.

She disconnected the call and straightened up, looking at her partner. "We need to go," she said to him and he stopped taking off his jacket and instead shrugged it back on all the way. He looked at her expectantly.

"CSU found the crime scene at the law firm's building, they said they found a condom and signs of struggle," she answered his unspoken question.

Elliot nodded and followed her lead as they made their way back out of the building. Olivia got behind the wheel and started the car to pull out of the parking lot. Only when she had reached the main road did she turn her head to face him.

"So did Maureen tell you anything?" she asked, no longer able to hold off the question she'd been dying to ask ever since he'd walked into the squad room earlier.

Elliot didn't lift his head when he answered. "She didn't go into any more detail. I'm meeting her tonight, I'm sorry I have to ditch you," he apologized.

"God Elliot, don't be ridiculous! This is important. I'm worried about them too," she said and reached over to give his hand a squeeze. Olivia was astounded he would even consider that the fact that he needed to talk to his daughter was worth an apology and it showed in her voice. "Besides, I kinda made plans with Alex when I got the warrant earlier," she added, feeling a bit uncertain now for not getting back to him before agreeing to go out with her friend. Then again, there was nothing wrong about her and Alex spending a few hours together.

"That's great," he smiled weakly, his mind still occupied with Maureen's call, but his words none the less honest.

Olivia had to retrieve her hand to shift gears. The loss of her immediate contact caused Elliot to withdraw himself even more. He knew he was not good company right now and he knew he was probably worrying her with his behavior. But he just couldn't pretend whatever was going on back at his old home didn't affect him and he knew she'd understand. He was so thankful for the fact that there was no need for words with her. She was there, right by his side, supporting him as good as she knew how.

That was one of the best parts of their relationship; she didn't smother him, not like Kathy had often done with her prying and snooping around to figure out what was on his mind. Olivia didn't do that, she'd never do that. She had lived all her life independently and mostly by herself, she was an expert when it came to the peace and quiet that a little solitude brought, but she also wasn't a stranger to loneliness. Somehow she knew exactly when to give him space and when to be there to keep him from getting too caught up in himself.

He loved her so much, the reality of it hit him over and over every day. He had found his soul mate in her; he'd known that for a long time. Somehow their evolved relationship had strengthened that bond even more and with his deep love for her also came the fear of losing her. At this point in his life, he couldn't imagine ever being without her. If anything ever happened to her, he would cease to exist. Merely a lifeless shell of the old Elliot Stabler would remain. He would rather die than ever having to experience life without her again.

The intensity of his feelings scared him. When they had talked about the reasons why they hadn't moved their relationship to the bedroom yet, he hadn't quite recognized the fact that this fear also played a huge part in why he wasn't ready to go there with her just now. He felt insecure, was dreadfully afraid of losing her as his partner, his friend and his lover if they messed up somewhere along the line. She was his other half; he wouldn't survive that loss and somehow the fear that she would reject him was still big enough to make him lack the bravery to conquer that part of their relationship.

Not that he would anyway as long as he got the vibe from her that she wasn't ready either. He wondered why she wasn't and why he hadn't asked her the same question in return. And then he realized he didn't have to, because he was certain that those were the exact same things that were on her mind. She was just as scared as he was of taking a false step, had admitted as much when she told him she was afraid he would dump her when she wasn't doing everything right. Her insecurities were holding her back.

He vowed to himself to make her more confident about herself and her place in their shared life. He gradually became more aware of the fact that he had to start by talking to his children and telling them about their relationship, because that would make it real and it would show her that he was in it for the long run.

He suddenly realized that his worries about the things his daughter would hopefully share with him tonight had lead him to think about his future love life with Olivia and shook his head slightly, wondering how that had happened.

Olivia noticed how he seemed to be shaking off the thoughts that had been on his mind for the last twenty minutes of their drive. She could only speculate that he'd still been going over possible scenarios of what could be wrong in the house his kids were living at, just like she had been doing herself all afternoon. She really needed it to be evening already so Elliot could be off to talk to Maureen and hopefully shed some light on the situation. She made a mental note of asking him to call or come over when he returned home tonight, she didn't think she could sleep not knowing.

The building where Hunter & Partners was at was looming in front of them and a minute later Olivia pulled over to the curb, right behind the CSU truck. She looked at Elliot, who had resumed his professional demeanor as he readied himself to get out of the car and work the crime scene like any good cop would. But underneath the exterior she could still see the turmoil of emotions in his eyes and the fact that he broke their personal protocol of keeping their relationship out of work by reaching for her hand once they were both on the sidewalk only served to solidify her impression that he was asking her for her support and comfort.

She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze before she let go of it upon entering the building. The scribbled-down directions she had taken earlier on the phone lead them to the crime scene surprisingly quick.

Burt greeted her with a smile. "Welcome back," he said before he turned to walk a little further into the room to show them their findings. There were two overturned storage racks, their contents strewn all over the floor and the CSU team had recovered a used condom, a wrapper and several hairs that seemed to belong to their victim. They were not done recovering all the evidence yet, hadn't even started to dust for prints.

Olivia and Elliot walked through the small room slowly, taking in as many details as they could and trying to come up with a possible scenario. Reconstructing the crime's exact development and setting was something CSU would later do for them, once they had all the evidence back at the lab. Since in this case it was still unclear if the victim had been a willing participant in the sexual encounter, it was crucial that they knew exactly what had happened, so they would be able to tell whether she had been raped or had just had sex with the man who later killed her.

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	12. Chapter 12

_One review for chapter 10 and NO review for chapter 11 - do you even want me to continue? :-(  
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><p><em>Olivia and Elliot walked through the small room slowly, taking in as many details as they could and trying to come up with a possible scenario. Reconstructing the crime's exact development and setting was something CSU would later do for them, once they had all the evidence back at the lab. Since in this case it was still unclear if the victim had been a willing participant in the sexual encounter, it was crucial that they knew exactly what had happened, so they would be able to tell whether she had been raped or had just had sex with the man who later killed her. <em>

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Once Elliot, Fin and Olivia had finished up on both crime scenes and filled each other in on all the gathered facts, they decided to call it a day. With Dwayne Barry missing in action, his fate yet unknown, all they could do was wait for CSU to get results on the blood in his bed. If it was his, he'd either been abducted or left it there, laying out a false trail. If it was someone else's, they couldn't help but suspect him of another crime. In that case they needed to find the second victim.

They also needed CSU to reconstruct the crime scene at the law firm; they couldn't collar a suspect for rape with just a few bruises on their victim's body to prove it. Bottom line, they would have to wait for the techs to do their job and hope they'd do it quickly.

Right on time at 7 pm Olivia arrived at Alex's office downtown to meet her and found her friend already packing up.

Alex watched Olivia as she walked in, she was wearing a tightly fitting pair of black slacks and a low cut red shirt that hugged her perfect figure. Alex couldn't help but notice how Olivia looked more relaxed and at ease than she had seen her in a very long time. She was almost glowing. Alex subconsciously wetted her parched lips before she returned her attention to the files she was shoving into her bag to take home.

"Ready to leave?" Olivia asked.

Alex gave her an affirmative nod and a smile. "Very much, where do you want to go?" She grabbed her bag and started walking towards the door, where Olivia was leaning leisurely against the frame.

"Somewhere where they serve food, I'm starving." Olivia sighed with an eye roll. Her stomach had been growling for hours.

"Skipped lunch?" Alex inquired with a raised eyebrow. She knew how hard the detectives at SVU worked and she was also well aware of how things went during an active investigation. Personal needs had to come second to the officers' duties. Still, usually they managed to grab a bite while running around all over the city, hunting down the perps.

"I went to look at overturned shelves and a used condom instead," Olivia quipped with a sarcastic grin. "That was so much more fun."

"Yeah, I can believe that," Alex commented dryly and they walked out of the building in stride.

They decided on a small restaurant right around the corner, an Italian place. They had been here before and knew it was good so it didn't take them long to pick a plate and order. While they waited, Alex noted once more how her friend seemed different. It was just a slight and subtle change in her features, in her posture, the way she carried herself. Most people probably wouldn't have picked up on it, but Alex tended to be very observant, a skill you learned in court – if you were any good. It helped to get into the heads of witnesses and defendants on the stand and she repeatedly caught herself using that very same skill in her private life too.

With Olivia tonight it seemed to her as if she had found some peace, as if a burden that had been weighing her down for a long time had been lifted and she wondered what it was that had happened to her friend. "You look good," she said with a genuine smile.

Olivia smiled back shyly. "Thank you. I could say the same about you."

Alex chuckled softly. "Yeah, but you look different somehow. What's going on?" She watched Olivia closely, trying to catch a glimpse of any emotion that crossed her face. However Olivia was always guarding herself so well, it had become a second nature and Alex found it difficult to read her.

It didn't look as if she was going to get a straight answer so Alex decided to make a guess. "You're seeing someone." The look in Olivia's eyes gave her away, they glazed over for a second, presumable as she thought about the new person in her life.

"Gotcha," Alex said softly as she saw Olivia blush a little. The reddish glow on her cheeks only added to her radiant beauty. "Who is it?"

Olivia fidgeted with her hands, trying to find a way around answering that question, but knowing at the same time that she wouldn't manage to do so. Alex had her hands folded in front of her on the table and stared at her unrelentingly, much as if she would stare down an uncooperative witness on the stand. It wouldn't take long for her to cave, she knew that from experience. If Alex wanted an answer, she'd get one. "We're sort of keeping it secret for now," she replied slowly.

"Oh come on, spill it!" Alex prodded, knowing full well she'd get it out of her friend. She enjoyed watching her squirm in her seat a little and an eager grin started spreading over her face when she saw Olivia give in.

"It's Elliot." The statement hung in the air for an agonizingly long moment and despite the fact that she had spoken it very quietly, it seemed to Olivia as if the whole restaurant had heard and was holding its breath to hear more details. She grasped her hands tightly to stop the fidgeting and took care to look anywhere but at the woman sitting across the table. Her heart beat up to her throat and her stomach clenched with nervousness. As much as she dreaded Alex's reaction, she wished her friend would say something already.

Olivia asked herself why she was so damn nervous, why she needed Alex to approve. And then she realized that with every previous relationship she had shared with Alex she had known beforehand that it wouldn't last. They weren't meaningless to her, but still lacked importance in her life. With Elliot it was completely different. Elliot was _the one_. The man she planned on spending the rest of her life with, the man she had loved for years and the one she couldn't bear losing – ever. This was _it_ and Alex had to realize that.

Alex found herself at a loss of words; she was sure her mouth was gaping open, which probably made her look very stupid, but she didn't find she cared right now. "I…," she stuttered, "Wow, I didn't expect that." She gave her head a small shake, trying to clear it.

Olivia felt the blush on her face deepen. She didn't know what to make of Alex's reaction; she seemed shocked at the news. Well, maybe it _was_ shocking. She wouldn't have believed it possible herself just a few months ago. Yet now life without Elliot was the thing that seemed impossible.

"Wow," Alex repeated her statement. "I mean that's great." Her ears were still ringing for a reason she couldn't make out.

She seemed flustered to Olivia, who could still not place where that reaction was coming from. Was it disapproval? Did Alex think they didn't fit well together? Was she jealous of her? No, there was something different going on, but she couldn't for the life of her guess what it was.

Alex realized she was probably making Olivia uncomfortable, but she was still not quite ready to go on and process that new piece of information. Her mouth opened and a question popped out she would have normally never asked, but her disconcerted mind did nothing to stop it. "Is he any good? I mean, he looks like he'd be good." Her eyes widened and she looked away mortified as she realized what she had asked. As a friend, wasn't she supposed to be happy for Olivia and congratulate her? Why would the first thing out of her mouth be something like that? She had no interest in Elliot's bedroom performance.

Olivia was taken aback and suddenly felt very self-conscious. This was not something she and Alex usually discussed and she stuttered a bit as she answered. "Um, we haven't actually…not yet," she said trailing off while she nervously tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. Her breathing had quickened when the topic had suddenly turned to something so profoundly personal. She was not in the habit of discussing anything about her private life at all and most certainly not her love life. But the way Alex had popped that question at her, she had been overwhelmed enough to actually answer.

"Oh," was all Alex could answer to that, not quite sure what to make of it. At least she felt herself relax a little and finally got a grip on herself again. She was still horrified she had even asked Olivia that and felt compelled to apologize. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business and I didn't mean to pry. Can we start this conversation over?"

Olivia laughed still a bit tense, but shook her head to get rid of the conflicting emotions Alex's reaction had evoked in her. "I suppose that would be a good idea."

"I'm sorry, really," Alex apologized once more. "So, you and Elliot." She took a deep breath. "I never would have guessed, when did this start?" She lifted her wine glass to her mouth and took a few sips, trying to hide how embarrassed she still felt.

"A couple of months ago," Olivia confessed, feeling a little more at ease. They were momentarily interrupted by the arrival of their food and a few minutes of silence passed as they each dug in with a healthy appetite.

"Can I ask how? I mean, you guys have been working together for years and Elliot has been divorced for a while. Why now?" The brief silence had given Alex enough time to think about the news and the implications that came with it. She found herself stricken with intense curiosity and she knew she was prying again, but she just felt she would explode if she didn't ask.

Olivia searched Alex's face more closely, still wondering where all of this was coming from. She and Alex had discussed relationships in the past, but she had never gotten such an extreme reaction from her. "We were working the Donahue case, you remember it?"

"Of course I do," Alex confirmed sympathetically as she watched Olivia's expression darken, "That was a tough one." She still remembered very vividly how Olivia had sat on that bench in front of the court room, pale and shaken by Amanda's sudden death. And how she had insisted on continuing with the unrelated trial she had come to testify for, not willing to let her grief jeopardize the conviction of a rapist. Alex had admired her for her bravery that day.

"It still _is_ a tough one," Olivia corrected gently. "We never caught Donahue, Elliot and I are still keeping our eyes open for any abduction that fits his MO."

Alex watched her friend as for a brief moment, the grief over the child's death played on her features, immediately followed by the rage at her unjust fate.

"So, do you love him?" Alex asked softly as she reached out across the table to cover Olivia's hand for a second, offering some comfort while at the same time taking her mind off those dark thoughts. She watched a smile spread over Olivia's face, it reached her eyes and lightened up her whole complexion. She was glowing again. "Okay, forget I asked, I can see it written all over your face," Alex chuckled lightly, but closed her eyes for a moment as the truth of her own words hit her.

Olivia looked away shyly. "Am I that obvious?"

"Right now, you are," Alex confirmed with a nod. "Do Fin and Munch know? Or Cragen?"

"No." Olivia shook her head. "No, you're actually the first to find out. We didn't want to go public yet. You know, strictly speaking we are not supposed to be in a relationship, we're partners. There are rules."

"Screw the rules," Alex exclaimed fervently, waving her off. "You know as well as I do that rules can be bent and have been bent in the past. It's more like a guideline than actual law."

Olivia looked over at her friend, she so wanted to believe her, wanted to believe that it wouldn't cost her the one thing she had treasured most during the whole time she had worked at SVU – her partnership with Elliot. She really couldn't imagine working with anyone else; she needed him to get her through the day. He was her savior, her rock, the one person she trusted with her life. To give that up was one of the hardest parts about their decision to enter into a personal relationship in the first place.

"I suggest you tell Cragen before you start popping out babies, though," Alex added as another mischievous smirk split her face.

Olivia shook her head exasperatedly. "Did I not just tell you we're not sleeping together?" she said, not believing that the topic had turned into that direction again.

"Ahh, you did," Alex replied, "But I believe there was a big _'yet'_ at the end of that statement."

"Okay," Olivia said in a demanding tone as she wagged a finger at Alex, who lifted her hands defensively, "Enough about my love life. We will tell Cragen eventually of course. For now we are just making a point of keeping it out of the office."

"Yeah, I suppose that's wise," Alex admitted with a frown. "And you're doing good at it. I never suspected a thing." Alex paused for a moment as she tried to remember anything at all that might have tipped her off had she been paying closer attention, but couldn't come up with a single move or look that appeared different from how they had interacted all those years.

"Tell me about your case," she said, directing the conversation in somewhat safer waters.

Olivia spent ten minutes filling Alex in on their current progress, how they had a strong suspect who had turned out to be gay, but didn't seem any less guilty for it.

Alex couldn't shake the impression that Olivia's head was not quite as much in the game as it usually was. She reported all the details as if on autopilot, but she lacked the usual passion with which she tackled a case. Alex watched her closely for a while, trying to gauge where this new development was coming from. Now that the topic wasn't her relationship with Elliot anymore, she appeared to be distracted.

"Am I keeping you from an evening with Elliot?" she blurted out when she couldn't take it anymore.

Olivia's eyes widened as she was taken off guard by that sudden question. Something Alex seemed to be doing a lot to her tonight. "No, not at all. He had some stuff to take care off anyway."

"Is that _stuff_ what's on your mind?" Alex asked promptly.

Her questions were firing at Olivia in a fashion that once again reminded her of the fact that her friend was a prosecutor and a good one. She bought time by putting her fork down onto the now empty plate and reached for her napkin to wipe her fingers. She wasn't exactly sure if she wanted to answer this, it wasn't her personal life she would be sharing details of, it was Elliot's. Somehow she felt as if she was betraying his right to privacy.

"Liv?" Alex said gently, "What's going on?" She reached out once more to touch Olivia's hand, offering support for whatever it was that was weighing so heavily on her mind.

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><p><strong>Okay, there is one line in this chapter I shamelessly stole from a different show just because I loved it in the original show and I loved how it fit in here. Spot it, leave me a review about it and I'll post a new chapter right away (well, as soon as I'm back online, which is usually in the evenings (Central European Time)! :-)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you for reviewing! I guess there are a few of you out there who still read after all :-) I'm glad!

I guess nobody was able to spot the stolen piece of dialogue...oh well, it was Alex's first question upon hearing that Liv and El are together.

"Is he any good? I mean, he looks like he'd be good."

It's a line I stole from Grey's Anatomy, the one and only Christina asked Meredith the same thing in the first ever episode, when Meredith told her that she'd slept with Derek :-) I love Christina, she's hilarious!

But now on to the next chapter:_  
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><p><em>Her questions were firing at Olivia in a fashion that once again reminded her of the fact that her friend was a prosecutor and a good one. She bought time by putting her fork down onto the now empty plate and reached for her napkin to wipe her fingers. She wasn't exactly sure if she wanted to answer this, it wasn't her personal life she would be sharing details of, it was Elliot's. Somehow she felt as if she was betraying his right to privacy.<em>

"_Liv?" Alex said gently, "What's going on?" She reached out once more to touch Olivia's hand, offering support for whatever it was that was weighing so heavily on her mind._

Olivia didn't know if it was the consolation she could detect in Alex's voice or the caring she could see in her eyes. She had very few friends, Alex was one them and she felt she needed to talk or the worry that had her heart in a twist would consume her before she could get back to Elliot and hopefully find out more about what was going on.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, briefly drawing strength from the warm hand that gently covered hers. "You know Kathy, Elliot's ex?"

"Uh-Oh," Alex replied and raised an eyebrow.

"No, no, that's not it," Olivia quickly deflected Alex's line of thought. "Kathy has a boyfriend who moved in with her and the kids. Elliot and I – we've been getting a vibe from his children that there is something wrong about the guy, but whenever we asked them about it they would just shoot us down. And then today his oldest – Maureen – called and wanted to talk about it. Elliot is over there right now." She blurted out all the facts quickly, afraid she would change her mind halfway through sharing them with Alex if she didn't.

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand as she could clearly see how much her friend was concerned, even distressed by the situation.

Olivia shook her head slightly, looking away. She was staring at the empty plate in front of her and when she opened her mouth again, her voice was hoarse and really nothing but a whisper. "I shouldn't be this upset, right? I'm overreacting. They are not my children and it's really none of my business who Kathy chooses to be with."

"Liv?" Alex prompted gently, but she couldn't get Olivia to meet her gaze. "You know that's nonsense, right? Why shouldn't you be worried? You care about them; that's not illegal." Her voice was reassuring and soothing and was supposed to put Olivia more at ease. It didn't really work.

Olivia scoffed silently. "It's not my place, Alex," she said. "I have no right to intrude into their lives, least of all into Kathy's."

"You have every right, Liv," Alex stated passionately and that caused Olivia to look up again. It broke Alex's heart when she could see tears brimming in her eyes. "Just because you didn't give birth to them doesn't mean you are not entitled to care about them, to love them. Elliot is their father, so by extension they are your family. And whatever Kathy does becomes your business as soon as it affects your family." Alex's thumb subconsciously rubbed small circles across the back of Olivia's hand, a gesture meant to calm her. But that didn't really work either.

Olivia felt herself shudder and let out a ragged breath as she desperately tried to keep her composure. This was a decidedly too public place for a break-down, but ever since she had allowed herself to fall for Elliot she seemed to be wearing her heart on her sleeve. He'd brought out a side in her she had kept carefully locked away for a long time, if not all her life.

Alex noticed it too, she had never seen Olivia like this and it both scared her and warmed her heart that her friend would trust her enough to let her see her pain. "I think we should call it a night, you're probably dying to get home," she offered kindly.

Olivia glanced at her watch. Elliot wouldn't be home yet, but Alex was still right. She had been growing restless for a while already and as if on cue the waiter appeared and took their plates. They asked for the bill and left a few minutes later.

Outside of the restaurant Alex drew Olivia in for a hug, rubbing a comforting hand up and down her back. She felt Olivia quiver as she was pressed against her, fighting to stay in control of her raging emotions. This close she could smell Olivia's perfume, a subtle hint of vanilla and orchid, not too sweet but still very feminine. She made a mental note to ask her next time what it was before she let go and said goodbye to her with a smile. She watched her walk away and flag down a cab home and clamped down hard on the urge to ask her to stay a little longer. She always enjoyed those outings with Olivia, her company was never dull. Tonight she needed to let her go.

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Olivia asked the cabby to let her get off as soon as the southwest corner of Central Park came into view. She wanted to walk home the rest of the way, wanted to have some time to clear her head. Alex's words were still ringing in her ears; she'd said Elliot's kids were her family.

Then why didn't it feel right? She realized strictly speaking she was probably going to become their step-mom at one point. Step-mom to four children - the thought alone was enough to make her feel faint. But what was even more prominently on her mind was the fact that she didn't know the first thing about being a mom.

It was not as if she'd had a great role model growing up. If anything, Serena Benson had taught her how to warm up yesterday's take-out. She had loved her mother, but the relationship had never been easy. Resentment had characterized her childhood and youth, she liked to tell herself that she was long over that and had made peace with her past. But she knew part of that was nothing but an illusion, she carried those ghosts with her everywhere she went. Mostly they stayed hidden, but they had reared their ugly heads a few times on the job and she was dead-certain that they would hold her back when it came to being a good mom herself.

She couldn't be a mom, as much as that realization broke her heart because there were very very few things in the world she wanted more than to have a child. Still it wouldn't be fair to the kid, she just didn't know how and it was not a skill you could learn from a book.

What scared her was that Alex was right. She cared for Elliot's kids, cared for them so deeply that Maureen's call had kept her on edge the whole day, cared so deeply that the only thing she wanted to do tonight was find out what Elliot had gotten from talking to his daughter. She shouldn't be caring this much, it wasn't fair to them and besides they already had a mother who so far had been doing a good job with them. They didn't need her and they certainly didn't want her in their lives as anything but a family friend. Katie had been so clear about that.

Nevertheless she also remembered what else Alex had said. '_Just because you didn't give birth to them doesn't mean you are not entitled to care about them, to love them_.' She did love them – all four of them and she would fight for them with a fierce heart and die to protect them should it ever be necessary. That was not a feeling you could just turn off because it would be better for the other person. It hadn't worked with Elliot either.

Granted, as long as she wasn't married to Elliot, she was strictly speaking not their step-mother. Plus it was not as if they would be getting married any time soon, since as much as she wanted to believe that they could stay partners for now, as soon as there was a ring on her finger it had to end. There was no explaining that fact away, introductions alone would be awkward. '_Hi, I'm Detective Stabler and this is Detective Stabler._' That wasn't going to happen.

So where did that leave her with his kids? Was she like an _almost step-mom_? She couldn't even begin to grasp that concept and she still didn't feel like she deserved to even think about it. She found herself at a total loss at the prospect of tackling this new challenge. She most definitely wouldn't force herself into the lives of Elliot's children, but she realized that they absolutely needed to tell them about their relationship. They had every right to know.

She and Elliot had lived in a bubble during the last few months, enjoying their new found love and giving in to the illusion that life was perfect. Now it was time to start facing reality again. She felt as if she'd taken the first step tonight, taken it by talking to Alex. It was no longer their tiny little secret anymore, the world knew. Well, Alex knew.

However that was nothing more than a start. Talking to Elliot's kids couldn't be put off any longer and she was well aware of the fact that it would turn into an uphill battle from there. Maureen knew, and she pretended to be fine with it. Maybe she was; Olivia didn't know for certain. What she was certain about was that Kathleen would feel completely different about it; she'd made that very clear.

And the twins – well, there was no telling; they were only ten after all. They were already struggling with their parents' divorce and Olivia knew for a fact that Kathy's relationship with Sean was not an easy thing to deal with for them. Why would it be any different when they learned about their father's new girlfriend?

The thought of Sean caused her mind to take off into a different direction, one in which it had been veering off to all day. Her pace quickened slightly, even though logically she knew Elliot probably wasn't home, it was not even 10 pm.

As predicted, Elliot wasn't back yet when she arrived at her place. Too nervous and worked up to sit still and itching for some physical activity she busied herself with odd cleaning jobs; dusting shelves, fluffing up sofa pillows, and rearranging a series of pictures on the wall above her dining table. The newest addition was one Lizzie had taken back in February, it showed Elliot and her skating on the lake. The sun was shining brightly, as it had done the whole week and they were both laughing and looking very happy. The picture had captured a perfect moment and whenever she looked at it, she felt a smile spreading across her face at the fond memory.

An hour later she was running out of things to do and just paced around her apartment aimlessly, counting her steps to keep her mind occupied. She regretted not having gone for a run after all; she'd have had enough time, but she had been afraid to miss Elliot when he finally returned.

"Come on, El," she muttered under her breath. A picture suddenly popped into her mind, one she'd seen in a comic book when she was still a child. Donald Duck, wearing a knee-deep furrow into his living room floor just from pacing for hours. She wondered what her super would have to say about it if she wore one like that into her floor. A strange sound came from her mouth, it could only have been a laugh, but it was humorless and tense and didn't feel like a laugh at all.

At last she heard the relieving sound of his key entering the lock and she quickly stepped over to the sofa and sat down in an attempt to hide the fact that she had been pacing so nervously. She watched Elliot enter the apartment, shrug out of his jacket and take off his shoes at an agonizingly slow speed. It was sheer determination that kept her from jumping up and firing questions at him right away. Determination to offer whatever he needed at the moment - a sounding board, or someone to vent off to, or someone to comfort him. He had to set the tone.

Elliot stepped over to the sofa. He had been able to sense her tension the moment he had stepped through the door and he was willing to bet his life that she had not been sitting still like that until she heard him come home. He plopped down next to her and felt her eyes boring into the side of his face before he turned his head to meet her gaze. "She didn't tell me much," he answered the question they both knew was hanging in the room.

Olivia didn't say anything, opting instead to let him tell her about the evening unprompted. He seemed lost somehow, as if he was faced with a situation he could do nothing about and that was what she had been afraid of the most.

"Maureen doesn't know anything for certain, but she has been getting suspicious about Sean. You know she has an antenna for that sort of thing, she's like you when it comes to that," Elliot said with a small smile.


	14. Chapter 14

**Just to give an advanced warning - a few more chapters and I will need to change the rating of this story to M. That means you won't be finding it on the main search page anymore, you'll either have to change the ratings tab or you can just put it on your alert list or if you don't have an account simply bookmark the last chapter you have read and check back regularly for updates :-))_  
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><p><em>Olivia didn't say anything, opting instead to let him tell her about the evening unprompted. He seemed lost somehow, as if he was faced with a situation he could do nothing about and that was what she had been afraid of the most. <em>

"_Maureen doesn't know anything for certain, but she has been getting suspicious about Sean. You know she has an antenna for that sort of thing, she's like you when it comes to that," Elliot said with a small smile. _

"What did she pick up on?" Olivia asked quietly as she reached out to squeeze his arm lightly.

Elliot felt her warm voice wash over him, comforting him. The effect she had on him never ceased to amaze him. "She thinks Sean is putting things into Kathy's head," he answered, as the picture of his daughter's helpless expression earlier that night swam in front of his eyes. "She's never heard him say anything to manifest that, but Kathy apparently started to change. Maureen told me about a few incidents where she has been saying things to the kids I wouldn't have expected to ever leave Kathy's mouth."

"Like what?" Olivia closed her eyes briefly, trying to control the anger she felt at the news for his sake. He needed her to be calm or she knew he would flip himself. Injustice always made him mad and if it was directed at his own children, his wrath would be tremendous.

"Mean stuff, really," Elliot replied, his voice giving away how tense he was. "It's not like her, Kathy was always the calm one around the kids, the one who took their tempers in stride and who – unlike me - was patient enough to deal with their crap without getting angry."

He scoffed, again lost in another memory from earlier that night. "Maureen told me that last week Lizzie had asked her for help on a school project, designing a poster with the solar system on it. Kathy told her to just use Kathleen's old poster, because Lizzie could never reach that level of detail and skill anyway. I mean, what kind of mother does that?" He shook his head in disbelief. "We all know Katie's the artist in the family, but why would she basically tell Lizzie she was no good anyway?"

"I don't know, El," Olivia whispered, at a loss of words. That was not the Kathy she had gotten to know over the years and she wondered what it was that Sean was doing to her to prompt that drastic change. "Did you talk to Lizzie about this?" she asked, worried about how those words were bound to have affected Elliot's youngest daughter, who was already convinced she would never be as good as her sisters without having her mother tell her so on top of that.

"I did," he confirmed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I talked to all four of them, that's why it took me so long. Lizzie was still heartbroken, you know how she's already getting compared to her sisters way too much and feels she always falls short of them. At least Katie was kind enough to help her with the project, it turned out really good; I saw it." Elliot looked up to meet her eyes.

Olivia saw a gleam of fatherly pride in his eyes. She knew his daughters – teenagers as they all were – did not always get along very well and in that light it was remarkable that they would help each other out like that. Maybe dealing with their difficult home situation would pull the siblings tighter together.

"Katie told me Kathy had accused her of stealing a blouse from her closet," Elliot continued a short while later. "Katie swore she didn't and I believe her. I mean, the girl is 13, she doesn't have the same taste in clothes let alone the same size as her mother. Kathy is being ridiculous," he exclaimed exasperatedly.

Olivia raised an eyebrow as she saw the vein in his temple begin to throb, a sign that he was slowly losing control over his anger. "And what did Kathy have to say about all of this?" she asked.

"Nothing." Elliot sighed with frustration. "She was out with Sean. Maureen was 'babysitting'," he said as he raised two fingers to make quotation marks. "I suppose that's okay, she said Kathy would be home by midnight and there's no school tomorrow. I told her to call if something comes up."

Olivia nodded absentmindedly. Of course it was Friday and she had been babysitting the neighbor's kids at 15 too, to get a little pocket money. "So you didn't get to talk to her," she said. "You know you have to, El. You need to figure out what's going on in that house." Her voice was still gentle, but it also held a firm edge. It was so frustrating to be unable to do something herself, she needed him to take action soon because all her alarm bells were going off at once. This was serious and something needed to be done.

"I know that!" His return was harsh and the moment it had left his mouth he regretted his tone. She wasn't the one at fault here; she was only trying to help. Elliot took a deep breath to calm down a bit before he continued. "I'll talk to Kathy over the weekend. The kids will be here on Sunday, so I'll meet Kathy anyway when I get and return them."

"Okay." Olivia nodded even though in her mind she wished things could be cleared up sooner than that. "What do you think is happening there?"

Elliot had been asking himself the same question the whole way home. "Could be she is so love-blinded, she doesn't even realize anymore what it does to the children," he replied with a shrug. "However I suppose it could also be possible that Sean is putting things into her head. Kathy loves the kids, there is not a doubt in my mind that she does. But I know for a fact that some part of her always regretted that she was unable to really enjoy her youth, you know?"

Olivia nodded again; she could imagine that very well. Elliot and Kathy had both been so young when they had started a family, it was only natural that being forced to grow up so fast would make them long for things they had never been able to experience.

"If Sean played on that, he might have triggered some resentment directed at the kids. I just hate that I will have to be the one that gets her head back on straight. You know, I thought I was done fighting with Kathy when we got divorced," he said, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

"It'll be fine," Olivia whispered as she wrapped her hands around one of his and leaned over to plant a small kiss on the side of his face before she let her head drop to his shoulder. She felt him shift so his arm was wrapped around her and his chin rested on top of her head. She closed her eyes, for the moment only concentrating on the subtle rising and falling of his chest, allowing it to calm her. She'd been so worked up all day, but she didn't actually realize how much until she felt herself relax in his presence.

Elliot focused on taking deep and even breaths as her warm body was pressed to his side. The subtle scent of her perfume invaded his senses, and he started to trace the fingers of his free hand lightly up and down her arm. She shuddered at his touch and exhaled audibly as she snuggled deeper into the crook of his neck. "How was your evening with Alex?" he asked after a long while.

"It was good," she replied softly. "I told her … you know, about us. She dragged it out of me." Olivia held her breath, waiting for his reaction.

"It's okay," he said, sensing her apprehension. "It couldn't stay a secret forever. I'm glad actually, at least one person around whom we don't need to pretend any longer."

"We need to talk to Cragen eventually," Olivia stated, but not without reluctance. Even though Alex had reassured her a bit that it wouldn't mean the automatic end to their partnership at work, the risk was still pretty high.

"I know." Elliot replied with a sigh. He too wasn't particularly looking forward to that conversation. His only hope was that Cragen would loathe to split up his top team as much as they were dreading it.

Olivia yawned widely and rather audibly. The day had been long and they'd been running back and forth so much, she was exhausted - physically as well as emotionally.

"Come on," Elliot said, "You're done in, so am I. We need to get some shut-eye, tomorrow is going to be another busy day."

She didn't answer; she just nodded into his chest, already getting too drowsy and comfortable in his arms to speak. She felt Elliot shake her gently, trying to get her to move, but she couldn't muster the energy.

"Liv, come on," Elliot whispered before he blew lightly into her hair.

It was a strange sensation, but not in a bad way – almost like warm water running down her head. She shuddered and sighed contently, but then Elliot shifted and his arm wrapped tighter around her. A low grumble escaped her mouth when she realized he was getting up and dragging her along with him. "No, let's just stay right here," she protested.

"We're going to be so sore in the morning," he pointed out and kept on trying to get her to move, but she remained unresponsive.

"I don't care," she mumbled.

Elliot looked down at her, she was nearly asleep and he didn't think he was patient enough to wait for her to mobilize some last reserves to get into bed. He scooped her up into his arms and had to snicker at the surprised whopping sound that action elicited from her. By the time they reached the bedroom, Olivia was awake enough to get herself ready for bed and they snuggled in together, both falling asleep before they hit the pillows.

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"Liv, check this out," Elliot said as they both sat at their desks the next morning, going through the usual morning routine of catching up on messages and emails that came in during the night with a freshly brewed cup of coffee to get them going. They had started the morning with another run; Elliot had figured the best cure for his aching muscles would be more exercise. Unfortunately so far it hadn't worked out that way and he was stretching his calves under the desk to get rid of the lingering twinges.

Not totally oblivious to his discomfort Olivia got up and walked around their joined desks with a slight swagger in her steps. When she reached his side she saw that his inbox was open and he had pulled up a picture that had been emailed to him. The sender's address told her it was from Morales.

"You know we sent him the video footage yesterday, so he could run it through the facial recognition program," Elliot explained while his eyes remained fixed on the screen. "He emailed me with the results. The program came up with a match for an old mug shot that is no longer in the official database, but made it into the crime archives. Seems our suspect was on trial for rape as a juvenile but never got convicted. His records were expunged because he was under age, that's why we didn't get a match on the print."

Olivia nodded slowly as she read over the information in the email. Aside from the old mug shot that stated their perp's name as Adam Carmichael there was another picture included in the email. "So who's the other guy?" she asked, as he had not scrolled down far enough for her to read on.

"Meet the real Dwayne Barry," Elliot replied as he pointed at the second picture with the pen he had picked up to roll around between his fingers. "The real Dwayne Barry who conveniently seems to have dropped off the face of the planet a few years back. Or rather Carmichael disappeared from the records and became Barry. He changed all photo documents like the driver's license and passport to show his own picture, nobody ever noticed because they are roughly the same age and size and obviously they are both black. It's scary really how easy it is to become someone else." Elliot shrugged and then resumed playing with the pen. He had a hard time believing that a man could just change so many major documents without anybody noticing. But apparently that was exactly what had happened here.

"And do we know whatever became of Mr. Barry?" Olivia inquired curiously as she reached over to cover his hand on the computer mouse with her own to scroll down a bit further.

Elliot felt her soft skin on his much rougher one and it immediately put a smile on his face. "We don't, at least not yet," he answered and tilted his head to look at her.

Olivia saw the most genuine and wide smile plastered all over his face and couldn't help but return it. Seeing him smile was always contagious to her. She reached over and pulled up another window with an internal database that archived old driver's licenses and entered Dwayne Barry into the search, reaching over to his keyboard with the hand that had previously covered his on the mouse. A few older versions of the document showed up and the most recent one depicting the real Dwayne Barry gave his last address when he was still 'himself'.

Olivia shifted so she could reach around Elliot's large frame with one arm left and right of him to be able to type more easily with both hands. A few keystrokes later she had pulled up the property information on the old brownstone. It used to belong to Barry but had been sold at roughly the same time as the identity shift must have happened. And it so happened that it was on the market again right now and currently vacant.

Elliot caught on to her line of thinking, even though he struggled with keeping his focus with her standing so close to him, essentially wrapped around him. He smelled her perfume again, a scent he didn't think he'd ever get tired of. Her hair tickled the side of his face as she leaned in a bit more to be able to reach the keys furthest away on the keyboard. He shook his head slightly to get his mind to work on the case again, but the only thing it accomplished was more hair brushing across his face.

The effect she had on him wasn't lost on Olivia and she had to admit she liked playing that game even thought it might not be quite fair to him. With a barely audible sigh she straightened up, removing herself from his personal space and therefore stopping to distract him so much.

Elliot's brain started working again after a short moment and he could continue focusing on the case at hand.

So now they had the address of that old brownstone and since Carmichael and Barry seemed to be tied to each other somehow, Barry's old house was as good a place as any to begin their search for Carmichael.

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><p><strong>So, remember to put the story on your alert list or bookmark it :-))<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**I hate it when they throw random insignificant holidays at us and we get no new episodes because of that...thanksgiving? Seriously?**

**Remember, the rating will change soon, you will no longer be able to find the story on the main page without changing the ratings drop-down to M.**** Bookmark or put up an alert on the story so you can easily find it again :-)**_  
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><p><em>The effect she had on him wasn't lost on Olivia and she had to admit she liked playing that game even though it might not be quite fair to him. With a barely audible sigh she straightened up, removing herself from his personal space and therefore stopping to distract him so much. <em>

_Elliot's brain started working again after a short moment and he could continue focusing on the case at hand. _

_So now they had the address of that old brownstone and since Carmichael and Barry seemed to be tied to each other somehow, Barry's old house was as good a place as any to begin their search for Carmichael._

They drove the short distance to the Upper West Side brownstone and got out of the car a bit further up the street to attract less attention in case their suspect was really inside the house. The house had four storeys and while it was not actually run down it looked in need of some renovations. Olivia wondered for a second what a place like that would cost on the market these days with the current economy, but banished those thoughts from her mind immediately. Her head needed to be in the game now or the situation could turn life-threatening pretty easily.

As they approached the building, Olivia noticed a curtain shift in an upstairs room. She touched Elliot's arm lightly, but he had seen it himself. They approached the house casually, pretending to be interested in it as potential buyers and studying the realtor's sign intently to appear less suspicious.

"Will you go out on a date with me tonight?" Elliot asked as he stared up at the sign, the words rushing out of his mouth because he had been trying to ask that question for ages already. He couldn't help but feel a nervous jiggle in his stomach.

Olivia whipped her head around at the question and felt her neck crick. Wincing slightly, she stopped dead in her tracks. That proposal was so unexpected and out of the blue, she found that her mouth was gaping open for a second before she made a conscious effort to close it. She searched Elliot's face; his eyes were darting left and right. He was too nervous to hold her gaze and fidgeted with his hands. "Why are you even asking?" she inquired finally as she regained the use of her voice. "I was under the impression that we've been dating for a while now."

"I mean on a real date," Elliot clarified, his voice breaking a little. "You know, we dress nicely, I bring you flowers, we go to a fancy restaurant,…" He didn't know why he felt so damn nervous about this, it wasn't a big deal really. But it would be their first outing in public as a couple. Somehow that changed a lot of things, it made their relationship even more real. Unable to look at her outright he chose to study the cars parked in the street, but he never quite let her out of his sight as he tried to get a read on her body language.

Olivia felt a gentle smile spreading across her face and saw how Elliot's gaze fixed on her out of the corner of his eyes. She lifted her hand to touch his arm and when he turned his head towards her at last, she said softly "I'd love to go out with you on a date."

Their eyes connected and Elliot felt a surge of joy in his heart, almost like a butterfly fluttering inside his chest. Rationally he had known she would agree, but he still felt positively giddy at hearing her actually say the words out loud.

"Well," Olivia said as she slowly started walking towards the house in question again, "now that we've cleared that up, can we get back to work?" Her tone was light and teasing, but she already felt the familiar surge of adrenaline return that usually accompanied situations like the one they were about to face.

Elliot wiped the silly grin off his face and switched back to business mode in the fraction of a second. He gave an affirmative nod in her direction, letting her know his focus was back on the case and their suspect.

"How do you wanna play this?" Olivia asked in a low voice.

"I don't think knocking and asking about the house would make much sense. He is not supposed to be in there, he probably won't open the door for us," Elliot replied while he studied the house as if he was checking out its real estate qualities. "I say we bust down the door, we need a unit at the backdoor though."

Olivia nodded and watched Elliot dig out his phone from his jacket pocket. He kept looking up at the sign, making it appear like he was dialing the realtor's number. It didn't take long until they got confirmation that backup had arrived and was keeping an eye on the door leading into the backyard.

With a last look at each other Elliot and Olivia quickly moved up the steps to the main entrance. The street noise disappeared into the background as they concentrated on what they were about to do. Olivia noticed that the paint was peeling off the door and it had started rotting away at the edges. It only took one good kick from Elliot and it flew open. Olivia had her gun pointed on the now gaping dark hole that led into the house.

They moved stealthily through the rooms on the ground floor, securing all corners and niches where a person could possibly hide and all the while keeping their ears trained to pick up any sort of movement from upstairs. The house remained eerily quiet. But they were certain Carmichael was here.

The interior of the brownstone was equally in need of fresh paint and the floors looked like they could use some polishing. There was no furniture, not even a kitchen, but aside from its not really habitable appearance the house was actually quite beautiful. The rooms were surprisingly large and flooded with light. However neither detective noticed any of those facts, they were too focused on the search.

When the ground level had been covered, Olivia started moving up the stairs to the first floor, closely followed by Elliot. They proceeded in equal fashion, securing all rooms, still finding no trace of their suspect. Again the whole floor was devoid of any furniture, except for the large room facing the garden. A beautiful grand piano stood in the center of it, perfectly backlit by the sun streaming through the big French doors that led out onto a balcony. The piano was dusty, but other than that it looked to be in perfect condition, as if you could just sit down and play a tune on it.

Olivia's breath caught in her throat as she was mesmerized by the sheer mysterious beauty and majestic presence of the lone instrument in the deserted house.

They slowly backed out of the room and as Elliot closed the door, somehow putting an end to the magic spell, Olivia squeezed her eyes shut for a second to get her focus back. Once more they turned towards the ascending stairs and moved up to the next floor. There was a small door just at the top of the stairs. It looked more like the door to a broom cupboard than to an actual room. Also the layout of the house didn't allow for much space behind it. What caught Olivia's attention as she first reached the landing on the second floor was that this door's knob was clean and not dusty like most of the others.

As usual she and Elliot communicated silently and he motioned for her to move a little further onto the landing and train her gun on the door. It opened towards the stairs and when Olivia was in position, Elliot started reaching for the doorknob. His finger's had almost made contact, but all of a sudden the door flew open forcefully and first connected with his outstretched fingers and then with the left side of his torso, throwing him off balance.

Olivia was as much startled by the abrupt opening of the door as Elliot, but her professionalism and training kept her from freezing up. Everything happened as if in slow motion and she had that over-awareness of her surroundings and everything happening there that usually accompanied a sudden rush of adrenaline through her body. She stared past the barrel of the gun she held in both of her hands right in front of her as her eyes fixed on the interior of the broom cupboard.

"Police, don't move!" she yelled at the tall black man standing just inside the small storage area. He had attempted to make a run for it, but stopped dead when faced with the business end of her Glock. From the corner of her eye Olivia caught Elliot still trying to regain his balance and at the same time starting to draw his left hand to his chest. While her eyes remained fixed on Carmichael, in her peripheral vision she saw Elliot's expression change from stunned surprise to pain. If the grimace on his face was any indication, the door had banged up his fingers quite a bit.

She saw him take a step backward, still trying to regain his equilibrium and she was about to cry out a word of warning, because he was standing with his back to the staircase. However in that exact moment Elliot's expression changed back to surprise and then to shock, when his foot hit empty air and Olivia – to her utmost horror – saw him falling ever so slowly but unstoppably. No sound escaped her parted lips, the warning she had meant to cry out never left her mouth.

Her throat constricted with panic, making it hard to breathe, as her mind immediately flashed to Amanda falling down the steps in from of the courthouse just a few months ago. She had a very vivid and powerful flashback to the events of that morning and fear settled deep within her sending shudders through her body as she turned her head towards Elliot more fully. She wanted to cry out his name, but her lips refused to move, her vocal cords didn't cooperate. She turned cold as she motionlessly watched Elliot disappear from sight, but whatever sensory input was taken from her when she could no longer see him was made up by what she could hear. The crashing and plonking while he tumbled down the stairs spoke loud and clear. Once the noises had stopped, marking the end of his fall, Elliot groaned, which sent a surge of relief through Olivia. Groaning meant he was at least still alive.

Carmichael sensed her distraction even though it had only lasted for a second or two and tried to make a run for it once more, but Olivia caught his movement from the corner of her eye and her training kicked in again. Her gun was still pointed at him and as her head quickly snapped back around she growled, "Move and I swear I'll shoot you!" Her tone was threatening; somehow her voice didn't shake and neither did her hands holding the gun and the man seemed to take her seriously for he froze again. "Turn around, hands above your head!" she barked, but Carmichael didn't make any move to obey.

"I said turn around and raise your hands above your head!" Olivia demanded a second time, speaking slow and deliberate. Her eyes met Carmichael's, his were black and sparkled with cold determination. They chilled her to the bone. Her own eyes were wide open and she wished she felt as calm as her unwavering gaze must make her appear. The man studied her for another fraction of a second and Olivia was about to utter another threat when she spotted a shift in his body language.

Even though she anticipated his last attempt at fleeing, Olivia was startled for a tiny moment when Carmichael leapt forward trying to tackle her. She'd expected him to make a dash for the staircase, not try to overpower her. She couldn't get her gun between them as they both went crashing to the floor, but she also had decent enough training in hand to hand combat. Carmichael was tall but not broad; he was actually quite lanky and even a bit clumsy in his movements. This gave her an advantage over him and she managed to flip them over and end up sitting across the small of his back, effectively pinning him to the ground face down.

A bit out of breath Olivia quickly holstered her gun, unclasping a set of cuffs from her belt in the same motion and snapped one on the man's right wrist; then she pulled him up and shoved him forward, back into the broom cupboard. There she clicked the other cuff shut around a sturdy looking pipe and closed the door behind him wordlessly. He could rot in the dark forever for all she cared.

She quickly closed the gap to the top stair, fear and apprehension rising within her. Part of her was so desperately afraid of what she might find, it refused to even go near the stairs, but it was overruled by the much more powerful need to help Elliot, no matter in what state he currently was. When she saw him lying very still she grabbed the radio from her belt and pushed the transmission button down hard. "SVU portable to central, requesting medical assistance, officer down. I repeat, officer down!" she yelled into the speaker with panic in her voice while she leaped down the stairs, almost falling over her own feet in her haste to get to Elliot. "Put a rush on the bus!" she added needlessly. An injured police officer always took automatic priority over most other emergencies.

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><p><strong>Review! :-))<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks fpr all the reviews, you are awesome!**

**Remember, a change of rating to M is coming up, you won't find the story on the main page anymore.**

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><p><em>She quickly closed the gap to the top stair, fear and apprehension rising within her. Part of her was so desperately afraid of what she might find, it refused to even go near the stairs, but it was overruled by the much more powerful need to help Elliot, no matter in what state he currently was. When she saw him lying very still she grabbed the radio from her belt and pushed the transmission button down hard. "SVU portable to central, requesting medical assistance, officer down. I repeat, officer down!" she yelled into the speaker with panic in her voice while she leaped down the stairs, almost falling over her own feet in her haste to get to Elliot. "Put a rush on the bus!" she added needlessly. An injured police officer always took automatic priority over most other emergencies.<em>

The radio fell from her hand as she reached the first floor landing and fell to her knees next to his unmoving form. She could see no obvious signs of injury, but he was unconscious. Or at least she hoped he was unconscious and not dead. The panic she felt was so overwhelming, she became completely unaware of her surroundings. The only thing she heard was the rushing sound of her own blood as it travelled through her veins at a maddening speed, driven on by her wildly thumping heart.

She was thrown back to that fateful morning when she had been kneeling in almost the same position next to Amanda's quiet form. She saw the girl's dead body lying in front of her, saw her own finger's touch the fair skin at her neck. There had been no pulse and the realization that Amanda – that sweet and brave little girl – had died right in front of her, had hit her harder than she had let on at that moment.

She had barely allowed herself to grieve, had pushed the pain to the back of her mind, but now it returned full force as she stared at Elliot's similarly lifeless body. As much as she needed to know that he was still alive, still breathing, still with her – her violently trembling hand refused to move. She couldn't make herself touch him to check for a pulse, she couldn't face the possibility that she might not find one after all. She longed to see his deep blue eyes, longed to see them twinkle with laughter or shine with love. But his lids stayed shut tightly. Probably that was a good thing; she didn't think she could bear the sight of his eyes if they were indeed lifeless.

Then another vision appeared on front of her eyes, an even more grueling one. Elliot lying on the cold slab at the morgue. Melinda's voice explaining to her how he had died - skull fracture. Just like Amanda. His dead eyes were staring at her and Olivia started gasping for air, panicking even more when she felt she couldn't breathe. She desperately tried to suck air into her lungs, but they just wouldn't inflate, she felt like she was suffocating and her stunted breaths came shorter and faster. Her chest began to hurt like hell as she started hyperventilating and the picture of Elliot's dead body began swimming in front of her eyes as she grew dizzier by the second.

She was shivering as flashes of heat alternated with icy chills and soon her body was covered in a thin layer of cold sweat. She felt a hand touch her shoulder and shrank away from the sudden contact, because she had not noticed the two officers that had guarded the back door earlier approach. Her vision was blurring more and more and she could feel herself sway as the vertigo increased.

The older one of the two uniformed officers knelt in front of her and tried to catch her eyes, but they remained glued to the still form of her partner. He knew he needed to get her breathing to slow down or she would pass out soon. He carefully reached out for her again, mindful of her earlier reaction. His soothing words didn't seem to reach her ears at first, but he kept talking to her, telling her it was all okay and that she needed to calm down. Eventually it worked and her breathing became just a little less frantic.

Olivia was not consciously aware of the officer's presence; all she could concentrate on was Elliot. Elliot lying at the bottom of the stairs. Elliot dead. But on some level she must have registered the other man's presence, because eventually the high pitched ringing in her ears got quieter and she squeezed her eyes shut when the dizziness slowly receded.

The overwhelming fear was still settled deep within her and she hadn't stopped shaking when the EMT's found their way into the building and to her partner's side.

They quickly assessed his condition, slapped a neck brace on him and transferred him carefully to a stretcher, all the while eyeing the woman kneeling next to him, who was obviously in shock.

"Detective?" asked the officer who'd tried to get her to calm down earlier. "I think you should ride along to the hospital," he said as he tightened his grip around her arm. One of the EMT's nodded his agreement; he wouldn't have left without her anyway.

Olivia let the two men help her up, feeling numb and unable to make any conscious decision by herself. She was so cold and wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she swallowed hard. Some part of her mind registered that the EMT's had put an oxygen mask over Elliot's mouth and nose and were strapping him to the stretcher with a blanket covering his body, but not his head. All actions they wouldn't take if he wasn't still alive.

He was alive.

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All she could later remember of the ride to the hospital was the monotonous beeping of the monitor that indicated Elliot's heart was still beating. It was all she could focus on, all that really mattered.

They wheeled him into a trauma room at the ER and she followed, brushing off the nurse who tried to lead her to a chair in the waiting room. She watched the doctors work on Elliot, shining a penlight into his eyes, checking his reflexes, hooking him up to more monitors and an IV, drawing blood. The atmosphere in the room was calmer than she would have expected and she felt the adrenaline slowly leave her body as she continued to take comfort in the steady beating of his heart. It didn't settle her nerves nearly enough, neither did it help against her desperate fear of losing him like this one day, but it meant that for now he was alive and she clung to that small fact with everything she still had in her.

Olivia leaned heavily against the doorframe, her body signaling her that the last half hour had taken quite a toll. She felt weak and nausea twisted her stomach, also the bone-deep chill that had overcome her back at the brownstone seemed only to intensify. She drew the blanket that had been draped around her shoulders a bit closer, for the first time now really becoming aware of it. She noted the NYPD print on it; obviously she'd received it from one of the officers back at the scene.

"Detective?" a nurse addressed her and she was startled by the voice as she had not seen her standing so close. Olivia couldn't tear her eyes away from Elliot's pale complexion long enough to take a good look at her though and neither did she acknowledge that she had heard her.

"Detective, I think you need to come with me to get checked out," the nurse said, more insistently now.

Olivia felt a hand touch her arm and once more shrank away from it. "I'm his partner, I need to be here," she replied in a hoarse whisper. She desperately tried to steady her trembling hands to appear more in control of her own body, but she failed miserably.

The nurse looked at the ashen face and shaking form of the woman in front of her and considered the options for a moment. In the end she decided she could understand her need to stay here and changed tactics. "At least sit down," she requested quietly and motioned towards a chair in the corner of the room.

Olivia's eyes flicked into the direction that had been indicated and after concluding that it was close enough to Elliot, she pushed her weary body off the doorframe and walked over to sit down. The nurse followed her and crouched down next to the chair, but Olivia didn't really notice or care. Neither did she react when she felt two fingers taking a pulse on her wrist.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" the nurse asked gently as she once more tried to make eye contact with Olivia. She still had no luck with it and didn't receive an answer either. "Detective?" she addressed her once again, taking one of the trembling hands into her own firm ones in an attempt to elicit some form of response. "Detective, are you hurt?" she repeated her earlier question.

Olivia heard her, she even understood her words, but she just couldn't find the strength within herself to even care about the answer. Her sole focus was Elliot and it was really all her shocked and barely functioning mind could deal with at the moment. She felt the nurse's eyes boring into her as she kept a close watch over her, but gratefully she stopped asking questions.

Olivia kept watching the two doctors and two nurses who continued checking Elliot over very thoroughly until one of them loosened the brakes on the gurney they had him on and started wheeling him from the room. That instantly brought her to her feet and she pushed through the bout of faintness to follow the small procession from the room. Nobody talked to her, which left her in a state somewhere between annoyed, desperate and helpless.

Her hand was surprisingly steady and strong as she reached out for the younger doctor's sleeve just as he was about to round the corner. Her brown eyes met his green ones and judging from his unfriendly stare he seemed bothered by the hold up. Another thing she didn't care about. "Where are you taking him?" she inquired in a manner more demanding than she had thought possible in her current state. But her voice showed just how shaken up by all of this she was, it cracked and the words tumbled out in a rasping croak.

"We're going to get some x-rays. Please, you need to let us do our job, Detective," he brushed her hand off and turned around to resume following the gurney.

Olivia didn't have the strength to hold him back, to press him for any more answers. All that was left for her to do was watch the hurried doctor's blonde head disappear after Elliot into a restricted section of the hospital. She had no access here and one look at the security guard told her that even her badge wouldn't get her past the doors.

The nurse from earlier was back at her side and with Elliot gone she looked at her for the first time. She was quite pretty, a blonde girl with huge brown eyes that sparkled friendlily.

"Come on," the nurse said and reached out for Olivia's arm to get her to follow her.

Olivia turned, but shifted away from the other woman's touch. It was just not something she thought she could bear at the moment. She feared she would lose whatever little hold it was that she had left on her composure if she allowed that woman or anyone else to comfort her. The nurse thankfully took the clue and contended herself with having Olivia follow her willingly.

They ended up in an exam room, where the nurse told her to sit on the gurney. Olivia looked at her strangely. "I'm not hurt," she whispered, leaning back against a cabinet filled with medical equipment for support.

"I'm glad to hear that," the nurse replied with a smile. "Now sit, you're pretty shaken up and exhausted and I don't want you to collapse on my floor." There was a sternness in her voice that told Olivia that there was no arguing here.

After she'd slowly moved over to the gurney and sat down on it, she sought out the nurse's eyes. "How is my partner?" she asked, both needing and dreading the answer to the question. Her hands clung to the gurney's metal rail as she waited the seemingly endless second it took the nurse to formulate a response. She felt heat rising across her back and enveloping her, immediately followed by cold chills that made her shiver again and she swallowed hard against the threatening bile in her throat as she watched the nurse's face for any indication on Elliot's condition.

"He's okay so far," the nurse replied, holding Olivia's gaze as she worriedly watched the detective in front of her grow even more ashen.

"What do you mean '_so far_'?" Olivia asked with a frantic edge in her voice. "What aren't you telling me?" She swayed a little when dizziness threatened to overwhelm her even sitting down and closed her eyes for a moment to take a few deep breaths.

"The doctors think he knocked his head pretty good, but there are no indications of any lasting damage. He is a bit bruised and banged up and most likely he broke a few fingers, which is why they took him for an x-ray. The EMT's said he has been in and out of consciousness during the ride here, the doctor's expect him to fully come around very soon. So please don't worry too much about him, he's doing good."


	17. Chapter 17

**I'm having a few days off from work, which means I get to write more (but as you all know, this story is finished, I'm writing on the next one). The next installment has 15.000 words already and the story has only just begun *faints* But I'm excited about it, even though it will take me a while to finish and post.**

**Luckily for you ;-) I can continued posting _Changes_ in the meantime...**

**I got some awesome reviews and PM's for the last few chapters and I'm glad you like them! I have to admit they are a few of my favorites too! So keep reviewing :-) I know the story is a little dark right now, but there needs to be darkness for us to appreciate the light more...now didn't that sound old and wise? ;-)  
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><p>"<em>The doctors think he knocked his head pretty good, but there are no indications of any lasting damage. He is a bit bruised and banged up and most likely he broke a few fingers, which is why they took him for an x-ray. The EMT's said he has been in and out of consciousness during the ride here, the doctor's expect him to fully come around very soon. So please don't worry too much about him, he's doing good." <em>

Olivia let the words wash over her and she felt the lump in her throat dislodge, allowing her to breathe more easily. _Elliot is going to be fine._ She repeated those words over and over in her head. She couldn't remember him being conscious at any point during the ambulance ride, but then she had barely been able to focus on the heart monitor's beeping. Still, she couldn't believe she'd missed that.

"I'll be back as soon as there is anything else," the nurse promised and gave Olivia one last long look before she left the room, satisfied that her patient would not pass out after all as she had seen her regain a little more color at the good news.

Finally alone, Olivia allowed herself to give into the raging storm of emotions inside her a little more. She rubbed an unsteady hand across her forehead, trying to dispel the building headache unsuccessfully before she felt herself starting to shake even more violently. She clutched the hand to her mouth, but eventually lost the fight against the rapidly approaching nausea. She slipped off the gurney and fell to her knees in the room's corner just in time to empty her stomach into the waste bin.

All the fight had left her body when the vomiting finally stopped and she simply let herself fall back to sit on the floor and lean against the cabinet, unable to muster the strength to get back on the gurney. She closed her eyes and rested her head on her knees, which she had drawn up to her chest, concentrating on nothing but breathing to settle her churning stomach. That was how the nurse found her when she returned an hour later.

"Detective?" she addressed Olivia gently, crouching down in front of her. "Come on, your partner is ready to see you."

Those words penetrated Olivia's mind and she lifted her head to look at the nurse. "How is he?" she croaked before clearing her voice. Her throat felt raw and parched.

"Awake and up, planning to go home AMA," the nurse replied with a smile and an eye roll. She'd yet to meet a single police officer who opted to stay in the hospital if the injuries weren't severe enough to exclude any chance of going home. "He said he would stay with you, because the doctor refused to let him go unless he had someone to keep an eye on him for the next 24 hours, but right now I'm not so sure about letting you go either," she added with a frown.

"I'm good," Olivia reassured her quickly as she started to rise. Her stiffened muscles protested against the shift and she had to steady herself with one hand on the cabinet for a few seconds after getting up as her vision started to turn black, but she refused to close her eyes or give any other indication that she was not up to the task of going home and taking care of Elliot. "Is it really safe for him to leave?" she asked, needing to make absolutely sure of that. "He was out for a pretty long time."

"He was, but it's just a concussion. He needs plenty of rest and he needs to be back for a check-up on Monday unless his condition changes for the worse of course," the nurse said. "He will also need a little help with everyday tasks for a while, because he broke three fingers of his left hand and has to wear a splint for a few weeks. But the fractures are set and don't require surgery, he will be as good as new in a couple of months."

Olivia nodded quietly, taking in all the information. Elliot was really going to be fine. The heavy weight that had settled in her chest seemed to get just a little lighter.

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Two hours later Olivia had Elliot safely back at her apartment and settled in bed. "Anything you need?" she asked, "Something to drink?"

Elliot watched her carefully as he lightly shook his head. The action caused him to feel a little faint, but he ignored it. Olivia had been silent the whole time since the hospital and there was a look on her face he couldn't quite place. She hadn't met his eyes once during the whole time and their conversation had been limited to her making sure he was alright. He could only assume it had to do with what had happened back at the brownstone.

He longed for her to reach out for him, to touch him, to reassure him they were fine. Yet all she did was turn around and head for the living room. He knew he'd let her down, he knew he'd been stupid to try and open a door with his back to the stairs, he knew he'd put them both in danger. It seemed as if she blamed him too, she was disappointed in him; that was the only explanation for her behavior. And now he had additionally burdened her with the task of keeping an eye on him. He'd not even thought twice about it back at the hospital, it seemed to be the most natural thing in the world to him. He hadn't considered her side of the bargain; he had just automatically assumed she would be fine with this arrangement. Obviously she wasn't.

Elliot sighed and closed his eyes after Olivia had left the bedroom, leaving the door ajar to be able to hear him while giving him some peace and quiet. However rest was not something that would come easily to him after today's events. Despite the mad pounding in his head, he couldn't stop replaying the earlier scene, couldn't help seeing over and over how they approached the door quietly and how it had suddenly been thrown open. His brain suggested what felt like a hundred different scenarios for this arrest. He could clearly picture the second floor landing; he thought it would be forever burned into his mind. He could see so many other ways they could have done this, so many options that wouldn't have put both of them in danger.

He had been so stupid. How could he have been so stupid? He'd risked her life and had anything happened to her, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself – ever. That thought seemed to stick inside his head like glue. Then he realized he had no idea what had actually happened after he'd fallen down the staircase. Had she arrested Carmichael? Had she been hurt in the process? She had looked fine at the hospital, aside from the unnatural pallor of her beautiful features, but he knew Olivia and he knew she was good at hiding her pain. He had perfected the art of seeing through her façade on any given day, but today he had been so caught up in himself, he wasn't sure if he would have picked up on any distress from her.

Was that it? Had she gotten hurt because of his stupidity and was she blaming him for that now? He hoped to God it wasn't so. Elliot felt the sudden need to see her, to make sure she was alright. For a moment forgetting about his condition, he swiftly threw back the covers, swung his legs over the edge, and rose from the bed to make his way back to the living room to ask her. He had not even risen to his full height however when an intense wave of dizziness hit him and caused the floor to twist and buck beneath him. With a sounding crash he landed on his good hand and knees on the floor, wincing at the impact.

Meanwhile Olivia had been sitting on the sofa in the living room, going over the day's events just like Elliot did. She still couldn't believe how she had frozen up, how she had been unable to even touch him back at the brownstone. What if he had been injured more seriously? What if he had needed first aid right on the scene? She wouldn't have been able to provide that for him and it made her sick with herself. She couldn't even look at him, she was so ashamed.

Also the magnitude of her reaction scared the hell out of her. The moments when part of her had thought Elliot might have died, when the visions of Amanda's fall and Elliot's dead body at the morgue had been swimming in front of her eyes, were the most painful and excruciating experience she'd ever gone through. She loved him so much and the mere thought of losing him turned her cold again and the shaking returned. She had never felt like this before, not even her mother's death had affected her like this. Sure, she had been upset, but somehow her mom's death hadn't really come as a surprise and the relationship had forever been clouded by the history of Olivia's conception.

With Elliot it was different. With Elliot everything was different. Her chest still hurt with heartache and she wasn't sure if she could bear it any longer. Was all that pain really worth it?Was she able to deal with more pain, when life threw her the next curveball?She didn't know the answer to any of those questions and her primal instinct was to run, to leave the apartment, to go outside and get some fresh air to clear her head. Run from this place, run from their relationship, run from the pain it caused her tonight. Yet she couldn't leave, Elliot was in the next room with a head injury and he depended on her to watch over him.

So if she couldn't leave, that meant she needed to find another way to clear her head. She got up and started pacing in circles around the sofa. Tears were threatening to fall when she realized that she would have never frozen up like this had she not allowed herself to fall hopelessly and irrevocably in love with her partner. She angrily wiped her eyes, refusing to give into the raging storm of emotions inside her. It had all been fine as long as she and Elliot had left this '_thing_' between them unacknowledged. She knew she'd been in love with him since forever, but in the past she'd always been able to half-way control her panic whenever Elliot had been hurt.

Not this time. This time it had all come together - the trauma of watching Amanda fall, the grief over her that she had so far refused to give in to. It was still as fresh as on the day the girl had died. Combined with the way she had reacted to seeing Mr. Nelson cry over his dead wife - the vision of a dead Elliot at the morgue. Then seeing him tumble down the stairs, just like Amanda. It had all added up and enhanced her reaction to a point where she had stopped functioning. That couldn't happen again; in their line of work it was just too dangerous.

Unfortunately the only solution she could come up with to solve that problem was also the only one she knew wouldn't work. She couldn't end her relationship with Elliot, because even if she did, she wouldn't feel any differently about him and the effect it had on her wouldn't change one bit. She had allowed her heart to become dependent on him, had allowed herself to fall for him to the point of no return. You couldn't fall out of love with someone, not if you had come as far as she and Elliot had.

She sank back on the sofa and buried her head in her hands when that realization hit her fully. What was she supposed to do now?

Olivia had been sitting like that for a few minutes when she heard a noise and quickly got up. She rushed back to the bedroom, momentarily panicking when she found the bed empty, and racing around to the far side when she saw Elliot starting to right himself from where he was kneeling on the floor.

"Elliot," she gasped, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good," he confirmed with a small groan while he let her help him lie back down on the bed.

Olivia checked him over carefully before she was satisfied that he looked no worse than before. She wanted to ask him why he hadn't called for her help, wanted to chide him for attempting to get out of bed by himself, but she was still too ashamed to even meet his eyes and was about to turn around and leave the room again when she felt his right hand close around her wrist. She stopped in her tracks, but refused look up, choosing to study the floor instead and finding a gap between the floor boards that was just a little wider than it should be and focusing on that.

Elliot wished he could touch her cheek, tilt her head towards him, but he was certain that if he let go of her wrist, she'd be dashing from the room before he even got a chance to ask her what he needed to know. So he resigned himself to being unable to look into her eyes when he inquired, "Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

His voice was soft and had Olivia been able to look at him, she'd have seen concern written all over his features. She wondered briefly why he would even ask her that, why he wasn't mad at her for being unable to help him, when she realized he probably didn't even know. He had been unconscious and he may not have been told at the hospital. Somehow that made her feel a lot sicker and she turned even paler, which belied her words. "I'm okay, Elliot," she said quietly and tried to divert his attention away from herself. "Try not to get up by yourself next time."

With that she detangled herself from his grip and left the room, afraid that if she stayed she would no longer be able to control herself yet again. Two public breakdowns in one day, that's got to be a personal record of sorts. She couldn't fight back the tears anymore once she had reached the solitary of the living room and she retreated back into the kitchen, as far away from the bedroom door as she could without actually leaving the apartment. There she sank down to the floor and sobbed quietly, lest he would overhear her.

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	18. Chapter 18

**Again your responses to the last chapter have been amazing. Thank you so much for reading and letting me know how you liked it!_  
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><p><em>His voice was soft and had Olivia been able to look at him, she'd have seen concern written all over his features. She wondered briefly why he would even ask her that, why he wasn't mad at her for being unable to help him, when she realized he probably didn't even know. He had been unconscious and he may not have been told at the hospital. Somehow that made her feel a lot sicker and she turned even paler, which belied her words. "I'm okay, Elliot," she said quietly and tried to divert his attention away from herself. "Try not to get up by yourself next time."<em>

_With that she detangled herself from his grip and left the room, afraid that if she stayed she would no longer be able to control herself yet again. Two public breakdowns in one day, that's got to be a personal record of sorts. She couldn't fight back the tears anymore once she had reached the solitary of the living room and she retreated back into the kitchen, as far away from the bedroom door as she could without actually leaving the apartment. There she sank down to the floor and sobbed quietly, lest he would overhear her._

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It was dark when Elliot next opened his eyes. A glance at the glowing display of Olivia's alarm clock told him at was past 10 pm and he wondered if he had slept the whole time. Then he remembered being woken up in between, at least two or three times. Of course, Olivia had to make sure he was really just sleeping and had not lost consciousness due to some more serious head injury.

He lay in the darkness for a while, listening to the sounds of the apartment. The gurgling of a shower somewhere upstairs, footsteps in the room right above Olivia's bedroom, and a muffled voice. Olivia's voice, outside in the living room.

Olivia.

The woman he loved with all his heart and also the woman he had let down today. He needed to talk to her about what had happened; needed to find out if she would forgive him for endangering their lives. He needed to see her, make her look at him. It really killed him that she wouldn't even meet his eyes, it felt as if she'd shoved a red-hot blade right into his heart.

Carefully he started to move to get out of bed. His earlier almost-collapse still very prominent on his mind he took care to move slower and kept a hand on the wall for extra support as he slowly shuffled towards the door. It wasn't quite closed, Olivia had apparently wanted to be able to hear him should he fall from the bed again or call for her help. He thought that was a good sign, at least she wasn't mad enough at him to leave him to fend for himself.

He squinted as he entered the living room, which seemed unnaturally bright after the soothing darkness of the bedroom. She'd only lit a small lamp that stood on an end table next to her sofa, but it still illuminated the room with enough light to hurt his sensitive eyes. He waited for a second until the worst had passed and continued moving carefully towards her. She had her cell phone pressed to her ear and was talking in a low voice, but the apartment was quiet enough for him to be able to understand every word, now that the barrier of the bedroom door no longer separated them.

"He did what?" she hissed, sounding incredulous, and then listened intently to what the person on the other end told her. He could only see the back of her head, but he knew her so well, he could picture exactly what her face looked like right now. The look of surprise as she took in every word, the way she chewed her lower lip when receiving and processing unexpected news and yes, here was the characteristic way in which she tucked an errand strand of hair back behind her ear. He slowly approached the sofa, letting go of the wall and mastering the last few steps without support.

Olivia sensed Elliot's presence more than she heard him. It was part of the connection they shared, she could always tell when he was close and so she knew he was there even before she could smell the mixture of his cologne and hospital disinfectant that announced he was standing right behind her. She suppressed an exasperated sigh. He shouldn't be out of bed by himself; he could have fallen again. However she didn't feel like she was in any position to call him on the stupidity of that move. She had no right, she had let him down.

"Listen Fin, I need to go check on Elliot, I think I hear him moving around," she said, not bothering to keep her voice down any longer as Elliot was clearly not asleep anymore.

Elliot had reached the sofa and walked around the armrest to stand beside her. He watched a small smile play around her lips for a second as she said goodbye to Fin before she gingerly placed the phone on the end table. The smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared and it seemed to Elliot as if it had grown a little darker in the room when it did.

"You shouldn't be up by yourself," Olivia stated matter of factly, keeping her eyes trained on her hands, which she had clasped tightly together to hide the tremors.

Elliot was crushed to find she was still giving him the cold shoulder. He didn't think he could endure it another minute, the pain it caused in his chest was at least a hundred times worse than the throbbing of his head and fingers combined. He swallowed hard before he moved around her and let himself plop down on the sofa, keeping a distance to her that he felt wouldn't crowd her but didn't put him quite at the opposite end either.

He leaned back exhaustedly, the walk from the bedroom had taken more out of him than he would have liked to admit and he briefly closed his eyes, waiting for the headache to dull. It took a few minutes, but when he felt marginally better, he opened his eyes once more and found she hadn't moved one inch.

"Liv?" he addressed her gently, studying the side of her face for any inkling that would tip him off on what to expect from her. But her face was like a mask, it didn't give anything away.

Olivia felt his voice penetrate her soul. It sounded so warm and caring; she had no right to receive anything like that from him. She was dying of shame and she couldn't allow him to be nice to her. "Are you hungry?" she asked in an attempt to distract him. "I can get you something, I ordered Chinese earlier and there is plenty left." In truth she hadn't eaten a single bite herself, certain she would not be able to keep it down. Her voice sounded numb and detached as she unclasped her hands to push herself off the sofa and make her way over to the kitchen, but she was stopped by Elliot's right hand on her wrist. Déjà-vu - just like in the bedroom a few hours ago.

"Please, Liv. I'm not hungry," Elliot whispered. She stopped moving and sunk back into the cushions, but that was all the reaction he got from her. "Liv, will you look at me?" he requested softly. "I just need to talk to you."

Olivia couldn't believe how desperate he sounded. Was he really that eager to confront her about what had happened? She felt the bone-deep chill return to her body and couldn't suppress the shivers that came along with it. She didn't want to do this, not in front of him; she didn't need him to witness her weakness first hand when it could have cost him his life. Once again she wanted to get out of the apartment and run as fast and as far as she could. Yet there was Elliot's hand wrapped around her wrist. His grip wasn't tight, she could have shaken him off easily and he certainly was in no shape to follow her, but somehow the touch of his hand burned hot on her skin and kept her nailed to the spot, unable to move one muscle.

Elliot noticed her shaking and concluded that she was after all angrier at him than he had first thought. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the onslaught of her wrath. "Liv, I need you to look at me, so I can apologize. I messed up," he said tentatively, awaiting her reaction with great anxiety.

A gasp escaped from Olivia's lips as his words sunk in. _He was apologizing? What the hell for?_ He was not the one who had messed up.

"Please, Liv. I'm so sorry," Elliot pleaded once more, his voice breaking. He felt her trembling increase and just when he was about to beg her forgiveness a third time, she shook her head slightly before glueing her gaze to the floor yet again.

"I froze," Olivia whispered and Elliot almost missed her words, because they were so quiet. Her voice was so pained and he realized that she was not shaking because she was mad at him. There was something entirely different going on here. His grip on her hand was unwavering and he waited for her to explain further. The silence drew out agonizingly long, but finally Olivia spoke again.

"You were lying at the bottom of the stairs, not moving, and I froze," she said and leaned back while she drew her knees up to her chest and claimed her hand back at the same time. "I couldn't even touch you, couldn't check if you were still breathing. I'm the one who messed up, El."

With her last word she finally turned her head towards him and while her face was still the carefully set mask she had put up for his benefit, her eyes spoke volumes. There was so much pain in them; it took Elliot's breath away. He slowly reached out to cup her face, stroking her cheekbone tenderly while he considered what to say to her that would make her feel better. "Tell me what happened," he requested after a while, never letting go of her lest she decided to break eye contact again, something he didn't feel he could bear just yet.

Olivia blinked when she heard his words. She didn't particularly want to relive those moments of her life again. If she could help it, she would never think about them ever again, but her mind already wouldn't let her have that peace as it was replaying the scene over and over in her head. "You fell," she said softly, squeezing her eyes shut. "The door hit you and I watched you fall."

That was when it clicked for Elliot. He had fallen down the stairs. The last person Olivia had watched fall down some stairs was Amanda. His eyes widened in horror as he realized what she must have gone through. He reached out for her with both of his hands, not caring about his fractured fingers at the moment but needing to feel her close to him.

As she allowed Elliot to wrap his arms around her, Olivia gave into his warm embrace and let herself fall sideways while Elliot edged closer on the sofa so he could hold her even tighter. She melted into the side of his body and all apprehensiveness and guilt seemed to lose importance as she allowed Elliot to momentarily share her burden. "I'm so sorry," she whispered into his chest over and over again. "So sorry…I'm sorry."

Elliot had an iron grip on her and started rocking her gently when he heard her whispered apologies. She was really blaming herself, feeling ashamed for her reaction and that was not something he felt he could accept. "Liv stop," he demanded. "I'm not letting you do that, you have nothing to apologize for."

"You don't understand, El," she whispered.

Elliot could hear the tears in her voice and hugged her closer if that was at all possible. He rubbed up and down her arm with his good hand, trying very much to offer some form of comfort to her, but it seemed a lost cause. Her skin was cold and clammy and she was still shaking, so he awkwardly reached for the fluffy blanket at her end of the sofa and tried draping it around her without letting her go even for a second. "I think I do understand. You saw me fall and it brought back a whole lot of bad memories. I don't blame you for your reaction so there is no reason you should either."

Olivia shook her head where it was resting in the crook of his neck. "You could have been more seriously hurt and I couldn't have helped you, El. I froze, I was literally a mess and it could have cost you your life," she said hoarsely.

Elliot's hand went up to her face and he cradled her closer to him as he put a tender kiss on the top of her head. "Nothing happened. I'm okay and my life was never in any danger," he said soothingly. "I was stupid, I took an unnecessary risk by standing that close to the stairs and it might have cost us the arrest or you might have been hurt by that guy because I wasn't there to have your back. That's what I'm sorry for."

"We both should have known better," Olivia replied. "But I'm the one who failed."

Elliot had about enough of that. He shifted her around in his arms so she ended up in his lap. He made her look at him for his next words, because he felt she needed to see that he really meant them. Her eyes were red with tears she tried not to let fall and her whole expression was so heartbreaking, it made him all the more desperate to talk some sense into her. "What did you do after the door knocked me off my feet?" he asked.

"I arrested Carmichael," Olivia replied quietly. "He tried to tackle me, but I overpowered him and cuffed him to a pipe in the broom cupboard."

"So you arrested the perp after you'd seen me fall, that means you're a good cop and you can maintain a clear head. Not that I didn't know that already," he added with a smile. "What happened next?"

"I went back to the stairs and saw you lying at the bottom." Olivia shuddered at the picture that came back to her very vividly.

"And?" Elliot prompted gently, kneading her shoulder with the hand that was resting there.

"I called for a bus and raced down the stairs, but I couldn't help you."

Olivia was about to turn her head away, too ashamed to meet his eyes, but her would have none of that and reached for her chin to tilt her head back to him. Tears were rolling down her pale cheeks. "So when you discovered I was hurt, you called for help; that means you're a good partner. I knew that too," he said softly. "You did not fail, you did your job, you got the perp and you saw to it that I got help. You did good."


	19. Chapter 19

**So, it's SVU night tomorrow, I thought I would honor that occasion with an update :-) **

**Well, actually I'm trying to distract myself a little from writing (the third fic in the series start off pretty dark and it's quite draining to write, but I hope it will make for a good read!), but I guess you won't really care whatever the true reason for this update is, as long as I post it :-)**

**Please keep up with the great reviews!**

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><p>"<em>I called for a bus and raced down the stairs, but I couldn't help you." <em>

_Olivia was about to turn her head away, too ashamed to meet his eyes, but her would have none of that and reached for her chin to tilt her head back to him. Tears were rolling down her pale cheeks. "So when you discovered I was hurt, you called for help; that means you're a good partner. I knew that too," he said softly. "You did not fail, you did your job, you got the perp and you saw to it that I got help. You did good."_

Olivia suppressed a sob and shook her head as well as she could with his hand holding tight to her chin. She couldn't accept his logic, it wasn't sound. "But…" she started to protest.

"No but!" Elliot replied sternly. "Liv, you've been riding this emotional roller coaster ever since the Donahue case and I have not been able to help you through it. You're a human being; you're allowed to react to a traumatic situation. Yes, we are cops and we are trained to function in critical situations. And you did, you did everything by the book up to the point when the imminent danger was taken care of and when you knew help was on the way. There will be no more buts, okay?"

Olivia searched his face carefully, but all she could find was his determination to make her believe she hadn't messed up. She wordlessly buried her head in his chest once more, breathing in his scent, allowing it to calm her down.

Elliot was satisfied to find she had finally stopped fighting him on this and contended himself with just holding her, comforting her. After a while he noted how she stopped trembling and when they had sat intertwined with each other for a while curiosity got the better of him. "What were you talking to Fin about earlier?"

"He and Munch interrogated Carmichael," Olivia replied, never moving from the coziness of his arms and therefore sounding a bit muffled. "He confessed."

"Really? That was easy. What did he have to say?" Elliot inquired, his interest definitely peaked.

"He said Abigail Nelson came on to him back at the office, apparently she tried bribing him with sex so he would put in a good word for her with his boss. His juvi record states that he came from an abusive home and had probably been molested as a child. When he was accused of rape before, there was never enough evidence against him, but he as much as confessed to those two crimes now with Fin and Munch. Of course the statute of limitations is up on those and double jeopardy applies so there really was no risk for him in coming forward." Olivia explained.

"He claims he hasn't touched another woman ever since, but when Abigail came on to him, it triggered something and he tried to overpower her. Only she kept playing along and he couldn't gain control over her, so in the end he was unable to perform. He says he didn't rape her."

Elliot raised his eyebrows, something that was lost on Olivia, but she sensed his incredulous disbelief. She'd felt the same when Fin had first told her. "Sounds unbelievable, doesn't it?" she asked.

"A bit," Elliot admitted. "But I have yet to meet a man who claims he couldn't get one up when that wasn't true. It's not something we like to parade around even if it is."

"I guess so," Olivia replied non-committantly. "Anyway, when it didn't '_happen_' he said he knocked her out and put her into his car, brought her to the laundry shop, by which time she had woken up again. He picked the lock on the door, apparently a hobby of his. He'd originally only planned on just leaving her there, but she fought him and he claims she made fun of him for his lacking sexual qualities. That's why he pulled the bag over her head, to shut her up and when she didn't, he threw her into the washer and turned it on."

"Pretty crazy story, huh?" Elliot absentmindedly played with a lock of her hair. He loved the soft texture between his fingers, it felt like silk. "And did they figure out the whole stolen identity thing too?" he asked after a while.

"They did. Barry and Carmichael used to be an item. They lived together in the brownstone where we found him today. Barry was a legal aide, but had lost his job when the firm he worked for went bankrupt. Carmichael is actually a bus driver. He said he came home one day to find his lover dead in a pool of blood. He concluded that he had tripped and hit his head on the corner of the glass table in the dining room because that table was cracked. He lost consciousness and bled to death. Or at least that's what Carmichael thinks happened. He was scared that with his criminal record the police would assume he'd killed Barry. So he went into the garden the following night, dug a hole and buried him.

The next day he quit his job with the bus company and started applying for jobs as legal aide with Barry's curriculum and letters of recommendation. Apparently it worked and he just slipped into that way more comfortable life, nobody ever noticed."

"Amazing really. You'd think that from time to time he'd meet people Barry had worked with or socialized with and they would start asking questions," Elliot shook his head in astonishment.

"Seems he was very careful." Olivia shrugged, she didn't really care how Carmichael had pulled off that little stunt, she was just glad everything had turned out alright in the end and he would be tried for murdering Abigail Nelson. She wouldn't have wanted to have to explain to her husband how they could not convict his wife's killer.

"What about the blood Fin and I found at the apartment?" Elliot asked.

"It's Carmichael's, he planted it to make it look like he had been killed. He'd planned on fleeing the state as soon as he could figure out where, until then he wanted to hide out at the old brownstone."

Olivia lifted her head from his chest and gave him a considerate look. "Come on, El, let's get you back to bed. I promised the doctor you would get plenty of rest," she said, as she disentangled herself from his embrace and got up, trying to make him follow her.

"Only if you're coming," Elliot replied with a smirk, but his eyes showed how serious he was. He knew perfectly well that if she stayed out here, she would start blaming herself again and he wouldn't let that happen. Elliot realized that she had not even started working through the grief over Amanda and that was at least part of the reason why she was in such a state now. He also realized that he had not been helping her at all. He had known deep down that something wasn't quite right with her and had done nothing about it.

Elliot's expectant and concerned look was not lost on Olivia. This was wrong, he was the one hurt and yet he was also the one worrying about her instead of the other way round. She knew he wouldn't let this go unless she followed him and to be honest there was nothing she wanted to do more at the moment than lie in his arms and listen to his breathing. She nodded her agreement and Elliot allowed her to help him up.

Olivia led him back to the bedroom and settled him down before getting herself ready for bed and snuggling up to his side. Her wristwatch was set to go off ever other hour so she could keep checking on him through the night to make sure he remained okay. Her eyes closed and she sighed deeply into the t-shirt he was wearing for bed while she drew lazy circles on his chest with one finger. It effectively lulled Elliot to sleep and she followed him soon after.

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Elliot awoke the next morning with Olivia's head still resting on his shoulder. Her breathing told him she was still sleeping and he didn't want to wake her if he could help it. He loved watching her sleep, she looked so serene. Elliot studied her curved eyelashes; they were long and black and perfectly framed the beautiful eyes he knew were hidden beneath her lids. His eyes wandered to the arch of her eyebrows. They were dark brown like her hair and very distinctive. He knew there was a scar crossing the right one and zig-zagging up her forehead even though he couldn't see it right now because she was lying on her right side. He wondered why he had never asked her where she'd gotten it; she'd had it as long as he could remember.

Her cheeks looked rosier than last night and he remembered how she had been shaking when she'd first allowed him to hold her. She didn't feel as cold and clammy anymore, matter of fact her body emanated a comforting warmth where it was pressed against his side. He was glad she was feeling better, it had nearly ripped his heart out when he had realized how petrified she must have been upon finding his lifeless form at the bottom of the stairs. He took a deep breath, not wanting to go back to yesterday's events. The case was wrapped up, all they needed to do was file some last paper work and it could go to trial.

He remembered it was Sunday today, the day his children would come visit. He glanced over at the clock, it was nearly eight and Kathy had wanted drop them off around ten after they'd eaten breakfast at home. That left a little more time for him to enjoy a quiet morning with Olivia. His head felt better, but when he moved on the pillow, the large bump on the back of it still reminded him to take it easy. His mind wandered to the conversation he had planned to be having with his kids today. He wanted to talk to them about his relationship with Olivia and he only wished he would be up to it, because pushing it back even another week seemed like too much. He needed them to know, needed to make this whole thing more real, now more than ever.

He also needed to talk to Kathy and he wasn't looking forward to that conversation at all. He had no intention of getting mixed up in her personal business, but since this whole Sean situation started to affect his kids, he felt he had no choice anymore.

Then he remembered something else. He'd wanted to take Olivia out for a real and proper date last night. Instead he'd scared her half to death and she'd ended up taking care of him. There was definitely some rescheduling in order, barring any further catastrophes he would take her out tonight instead, after dropping the kids off in Queens again. He smiled at the thought and focused back on the woman in his arms. She was really the most remarkable and beautiful person he had ever met.

The sunlight streaming in through the window reflected off her hair that lay sprawled across his chest. He could faintly smell her shampoo and something else he thought had to be body lotion or shower gel. He lightly traced his thumb – one of the two working fingers on his left hand – up and down her arm, marveling at how smooth her skin felt.

Olivia stirred in response to his touch, taking a deeper breath and snuggling even closer to him before her breathing evened out again, telling Elliot that she had not woken up after all. He was glad, that way he would get the chance to enjoy the view a little longer. Her lips moved a little, they looked full and soft and he was overcome by the wish to kiss her, but he couldn't without shifting her so much that he would surely wake her. He would wait until she woke up. Until then he resumed stroking her arm with his left thumb while he moved his right hand to cover her hand that was resting on his belly.

It was another half hour before Olivia finally started waking up. The first thing she became aware off was Elliot's warm body next to her and the beating of his heart, right beneath her ear. It was an immensely comforting sound, especially after being so scared for his life yesterday. She kept her eyes closed, just listening for a while, until she noticed he was caressing her arm and a smile started spreading across her features. Elliot was awake.

"Morning beautiful," he said when he spotted the smile on her face.

Olivia lifted her head and put her chin on his chest, looking into his eyes. "Morning to you too," she replied before pushing herself up a little further and capturing his lips in a tender kiss.

When they broke apart, Elliot's face was occupied by a similar smile. "Been wanting to do that for a while already," he confessed.

"What held you back?" she asked, her voice still raspy so soon after waking up. It was sexy.

"I didn't want to wake you," he answered before pressing another kiss to the tip of her nose.

"I wouldn't have minded to be kissed awake." Olivia's eyes shone with her love for him, all the horrors and demons of last night momentarily forgotten. She stretched gracefully before trying to roll over to get out of bed.

"Stay," Elliot said and tightened his grip around her. "We have a little more time before we meet the kids at my place." He felt her relax and settle back down beside him wordlessly. After a few moments she started tracing circles around his exposed belly button where his shirt had worked his way up his body. Somehow she was extremely fascinated by that tiny little part of his physique. The circles grew bigger and bigger and soon her fingers got dangerously close to the waistband of his boxer shorts. Elliot gasped at the sensation and closed his eyes, feeling his body starting to respond. It felt wonderful and while he didn't want her to stop, he knew she needed to if they were going to end this while it was still innocent.

With a disappointed sigh he reached for her hand and stopped her movements. "Don't start anything you don't intend to finish," he whispered into her hair.

"What if I do?" she whispered back without hesitation.

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><p><strong>Coming up next - you guessed it - the long awaited M Chapter! So make sure you've got this story bookmarked or added to your alert list because once I change the rating, you will not find it on the main search oage without changing the ratings drop down :-)<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**So, was I the only one who laughed out loud when Jake Stanton was on the stand and kept swearing that he "didn't have sex with that woman" and he kept looking at Olivia? :-) What a wonderful episode it was.**

**It's not even been two days and I'm updating again *lol* But the reviews have been great and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting any longer. This story is officially rated M now, you have been warned :-)  
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><p><em>With a disappointed sigh he reached for her hand and stopped her movements. "Don't start anything you don't intend to finish," he whispered into her hair.<em>

"_What if I do?" she whispered back without hesitation._

Elliot was silent for a moment, unable to come up with a response so quickly. He remembered the conversation they'd had just a few days ago, about not being ready to take that step. When he thought about it now, he no longer felt that way. "Are you sure?" he asked her gently, not wanting to push her into anything she would later regret.

Olivia turned her head to face him and found him watching her intently with a slight frown on his face. "I'm sure," she replied. "After everything that happened yesterday I'm absolutely sure."

Elliot wondered for a moment what she meant, how what had happened could have changed her mind. Was falling down a set of stairs what it took to make her want to make love to him? Then he remembered his earlier realization. She'd not felt like taking that step before because she'd not been certain they could make this work. She obviously was now, after they'd conquered yesterday's crisis.

"Are _you_ sure?" she asked him in return, still mindful of his concussion and of the doctor's orders to take it easy.

"I'd like nothing more than to make love to you," Elliot whispered while he closed the gap between them and kissed her once more. The kiss deepened fast, his tongue was pushing into her mouth and traced her teeth. Olivia instinctively closed her eyes, meeting his every move. She resumed stroking his abdomen just above his boxers and she could feel his breath quickening as his hand wandered up her back and tangled in her hair.

When they finally broke apart, Olivia started tracing small kisses along the line of his jaw, feeling his one day stubble scratch her lips. Elliot let his right hand travel down her body and slipped it under the oversized NYPD shirt she was wearing. He marveled at the warmth and softness of her skin as he gently stroked up and down her back, it felt like silk. He was brushing lightly against the side of her breast as he slowly but purposefully edged closer to her front. Olivia's tender lips were still showering him in kisses and he felt his skin tingle wherever she had touched him this way.

Olivia's hand on his abdomen wandered lower and lower; finally slipping under the waistband of his boxers, but avoiding his manhood for now as she reached around to his backside. Elliot rolled over slightly, granting her better access, and she kneaded the firm muscles of his ass. She felt his fingers on her breast, he cupped it and gently weighed it in his hand, caressing and stroking, but he left out her nipple. Then she felt him shift around a little more and she opened her eyes and stopped her line of kisses, curious what he was up to.

Elliot momentarily let go of her breast, he wanted to see her, not just feel her and he started tugging at the hem of her shirt. She understood and allowed him to pull it up, lifting herself off the bed a bit so he could slip it over her head. Elliot took a moment just to study her. Her body was perfect, the soft and round curves of her breasts, her taut abdomen, and slender waist. Her skin was of a caramel coloring and glowed lightly in the morning sunlight. He could not take his eyes off of her, she was so beautiful.

The way his eyes roamed over every inch of her body made Olivia more than a little self-conscious, but she could clearly see arousal and desire in his darkened orbs. She smiled at him when it became clear to her that he was unable to look away. "See something you like?" she whispered seductively.

"Definitely!" he answered with a grin. "You're gorgeous." He was lying sideways, his body propped up on his left elbow and he reached out for her again with his right hand, brushing the tip of his thumbs lightly against her nipple. It peaked immediately and Olivia shivered at the sensation of his gentle touch. She felt an ache building in her groin and it became so intense so quickly, it nearly overwhelmed her. She reached out for his shirt, started to tug at the hem of it to equally undress him.

Elliot covered her hand with his and assisted her in her quest. When his shirt was gone, he felt Olivia's eyes on his chest. She was literally burning him with her looks. He felt his member starting to strain against the boxer shorts he was still wearing and moaned a little when the tip brushed against the fabric as he shifted around, trying to get more comfortable. The grin on Olivia's face did nothing to make him feel better.

"Want me to take them off too?" she asked innocently. She could see the obvious tenting of his boxers and marveled at the outline. He had to be huge underneath. She felt a sudden rush of wetness pool between her legs at the anticipation and instinctively rotated her hips, an action that wasn't missed by Elliot.

"I could ask you the same thing," he shot back, flicking his eyes down to the plain panties she had chosen to wear to bed last night. The smile in her eyes told him he had been granted permission and he lifted himself off the bed a little more and rolled her over onto her back with a hand on her hip.

Olivia let him take the lead willingly. He was hovering over her and while his hand started playing with her underwear, his lips covered hers, captivating them in a passionate kiss. She found it hard to focus with what he was doing to her, but she registered how his hand slipped into her panties, teasing her flesh, before he proceeded to pull them down and she lifted her hips off the bed to make it easier for him.

Her hands were on his back and he felt her stroke up and down a few times before she hooked her thumbs into the waistband of his boxers and carefully slipped them down over his hips, freeing his erection. He gasped into her mouth when the cool air hit his manhood and they broke off the kiss. Elliot reached down, undressing himself completely before he proceeded to slip her panties all the way down and off her long legs, caressing and kneading her muscles on the way down and then up again. His fingers brushed against the insides of her thighs and he heard her moan with pleasure.

Olivia watched him while she tried not to lose focus with the sensation his hand was causing, her gaze was magically drawn to his manhood. He really was big. He moved over her again, supporting most of his weight with his left elbow while his eyes searched hers. They were darker than usual and her pupils had widened with arousal.

Olivia expected him to push into her quickly, his need was evident on his face and neither could she deny the ever growing ache between her legs, but instead he smiled at her wickedly and started kissing along her collarbone while his free hand gently brushed down her side and around her hip, caressing her ass. Her eyes closed and her head rolled back on the pillow, the combined assault nearly enough to send her over the edge. She opened her legs a little wider and attempted to get him in between, wrapping one around his waist as she tried to urge him closer. She could feel him chuckle into her chest.

"Impatient, are we?" he asked playfully, but Olivia couldn't answer with anything but another groan as his hand left her backside and moved around to the front, carefully parting her lips and dipping into her wet center while his mouth latched onto one nipple, sucking at it.

Elliot moaned a little himself when he felt how wet and hot she already was. His member gave a particularly large throb when his index finger sought out her entrance and slipped into her core. She was so deliciously tight and soft inside, he couldn't wait to feel her surround him. He carefully added a second finger, pushing a little harder into her to make it fit. God, she was tight.

Olivia felt a burning sensation with his fingers inside her, but he was hitting a spot very close to her entrance that made her head spin. Her hips were bucking off the bed, pushing up against his hand, aching for closer and deeper contact. He started twisting his fingers inside her and she realized he was stretching her, preparing her for him, and it nearly made her cry. No man had ever been this considerate. She felt tension building inside her, but she didn't want to come without him so she opened her eyes and reached for his hand, pulling at it.

Elliot stopped his movements and looked up at her questioningly.

"I want you inside me, now," she whispered, her voice throaty and extremely sexy.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely, El. Now."

He saw her eyes shine with love even through the more prominent desire in them and knew she was telling him the truth. She was ready for this to happen and so was he. Elliot withdrew his fingers, eliciting a whimper from her at the loss off contact, before he placed himself more comfortably between her legs and cupped her ass as she slung her second leg around his waist too. Lining his member up with her entrance, he reached down between them, guiding himself into her while his lips captured hers once again, simultaneously entering her mouth with his tongue.

He felt her gasp into his mouth when he had pushed the tip of his penis into her. He could tell she was trying to relax around him, willing her body not to fight his invasion, and he slowed down even more. He wanted to give her time to get comfortable, but she hugged him so tightly, it nearly drove him over the edge so that he had to break off their kiss, gritting his teeth. "You feel incredible," he whispered into her ear and he felt her shudder at the combined sensation of his words and his breath on her skin.

Olivia forced her eyes open when she felt Elliot's lips depart from hers. His hand was moving from her ass to her thigh, opening her legs just a little more before he continued pushing into her. His manhood filled her to the max and then some, but it felt simply amazing. He rubbed against the sweet spot right by her entrance and the friction was enough to make her moan. She clung to his shoulders, feeling that she needed something to hold on to to keep her grounded or she would leave this world and never be able to find her way back.

After an agonizingly long minute, Elliot had seated himself as deeply inside her as he could, their bodies were flush against each other and she found him looking at her intently, searching her face for any indication on how she felt.

"Are you okay?" he asked, when he couldn't quite discern the emotions playing on her features.

"Perfect. Just give me a minute," she requested with a small smile while her hands rubbed up and down his muscular arms. "It's been a while," she added shyly.

To Elliot it sounded almost like an apology and he would have none of that. "Shh, don't apologize," he chided her gently before he tilted his head down to catch her lips for another kiss. After a short while he felt her rock her pelvis up against him and he took it as a sign to start moving again. He slowly drew back out of her almost completely with just the tip of his member remaining in her deliciously hot center before he pushed back into her, going a little faster than the first time. He was afraid he'd lose consciousness, it felt that good.

Olivia's eyes rolled back into her head and she closed them, giving herself over to him completely.

"Baby, look at me," Elliot requested when he noticed in between kisses, he wanted to see her breathtakingly beautiful eyes while he showed her just how much he loved her and she complied after a moment.

Olivia's heart warmed at the endearment he had used. Nobody had ever called her 'baby' in bed and it made her feel both more vulnerable and oddly comforted. One of her hands was stroking over his short-cropped hair as she kept his head close, so she could plant more kisses on his mouth while the other one was roaming over his back, feeling his strong muscles work beneath his sweat-slicked skin.

They soon established a slow but steady rhythm and Olivia felt the familiar but all too long absent rolling sensation in her belly that told her she was becoming more and more aroused. He breathing picked up and soon both their bodies were covered by a thin layer of sweat that glistened in the sunlight streaming through the window. The grip she had around his waist with her legs tightened and she felt him reach deeper inside her with every single push.

His member twitched and throbbed repeatedly and each time it did it seemed to grow a little more in length and girth, which made her moan with pleasure as intense as she had never known it. Elliot shifted a little, trying to support more of his weight with his left arm, which was a little difficult with his cast, but he didn't want to crush her. That slight change of posture caused him to hit into her at a different angle and he was now pushing directly against a very tender spot buried so deep within her, Olivia had never known it was there. She squirmed with the pleasure it caused and her pelvis came off the bed higher with ever stroke.

"God, El," she gasped. "Don't stop, that feels so good." She tried to get him to move faster, changing the rhythm. As much as she never wanted this to end, she also yearned to reach the oblivion she knew would come with her orgasm.

Elliot felt her walls starting to clench tighter around him and knew she was close. He picked up his pace at her urging, pressing harder and faster into her and he watched her mouth mimic a sucking motion which drove him wild as he envisioned those same voluptuous lips closing around his member to suck him.

"Harder, El," she urged him on. "Oh yes, please right there."

He buried his face in the crook of her neck, drawing in her unique scent before he started suckling at the tender skin of her neck, marking her as his. Olivia's hand at the back of his head held him there while her pelvis pushed up with growing need, setting an even faster pace.

"God, Liv, I can't hold on much longer, Baby," Elliot groaned against her neck. "You're so tight."

Those words were all it took to bring on her orgasm and she collapsed around him, overwhelmed by the spasms. Two more strokes through her tightened channel and he buried himself as deeply inside her as he could before spilling his seed.

Olivia could feel the heat of his fluids as he filled her and her body milked him for all he could give her. Elliot reached down with his good hand, finding her clit blindly and he started to gently brush his thumb over the sensitive bundle of nerves, drawing her climax out for her. It left her gasping for air and to her great surprise she felt a second orgasm rolling right through her.

Elliot noticed how her spasms picked up again and couldn't help but grin as he rocked his pelvis against her, pushing just a little deeper inside her.

When they were both slowly descending from their heights, breathless and content, he hooked his arm around her back and rolled them over so that she was laying sprawled on top of him, their bodies still intimately connected. His hand remained resting on her back, his thumb lazily following the outline of her shoulder blade while he tried to catch his breath. Olivia's head was resting on his chest and her hair was sprawled out across it, he could feel it tickle his skin.

"That was amazing," he whispered as soon as he was able to get his mind back into working order enough to formulate a whole sentence.


	21. Chapter 21

**Keep the reviews coming :-)**_  
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><p><em>When they were both slowly descending from their heights, breathless and content, he hooked his arm around her back and rolled them over so that she was laying sprawled on top of him, their bodies still intimately connected. His hand remained resting on her back, his thumb lazily following the outline of her shoulder blade while he tried to catch his breath. Olivia's head was resting on his chest and her hair was sprawled out across it, he could feel it tickle his skin. <em>

"_That was amazing," he whispered as soon as he was able to get his mind back into working order enough to formulate a whole sentence._

"_Stellar_ is the word I would use," Olivia replied after a short moment, not moving even for an inch as she felt utterly spent.

Ten minutes later Olivia turned her head and propped her chin up on her hand that rested on his chest. She took in the expression on Elliot's face and couldn't help but smile. He looked so relaxed and happy, it was almost goofy. She hated that this moment had to end. "We need to get up, El. Your kids will be at your place in under an hour."

"I know," he replied, regret evident in his voice. His arm was still securing her against his chest, unwilling to let her go ever again.

Olivia felt him starting to shift, rocking his hips up against her in the process and he tightened his grip around her as he started to rise from the bed and swung his legs over the edge, taking her right along with him so she ended up straddling his lap. The fact that he was once more growing hard inside her became impossible to miss. "El, what…?" she began to ask but was interrupted when he pressed his lips to hers, plunging his tongue into her mouth. He rose to stand up and she was trying to get her legs down so she could stand too, but he was having none of that and kept her locked in his arms. Olivia chuckled into his mouth before she broke the kiss. "What are you doing?" This time her question was not interrupted.

"Taking you for a shower," Elliot replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Olivia's face split in a wicked grin. "And why do I get the feeling that we won't be just showering?" Her eyes were locked with his and she teasingly rocked her hips forward, eliciting a groan from him.

"I don't know where you get those ideas," he said innocently and proceeded to carry her to the bathroom.

He was about to step into the shower when Olivia stopped him. "El, wait. Your splint can't get wet," she pointed out and he changed directions and aimed for the sink instead. He sat her down on the edge, still holding her securely to his body while she grabbed the plastic bag they'd put there last night just for that purpose and slipped it over his left hand, taping it shut around his wrist. "All set, Mr. Plastic," she said when she was done and he lifted her up again.

They entered the shower and Olivia turned on the water before she wrapped both her arms around his neck to support some of her own weight. Elliot rested her back against the wall and kissed her. She felt more that heard him groan into her mouth when his member gave a throb and he started pushing in and out of her, picking up the pace very quickly. Something told her they both wouldn't last long, the way he soon drove into her at a maddening speed made that very clear.

When Olivia felt herself getting close, she rested her head on his shoulder, moaning softly with every one of his strokes. The water pelting down their bodies was hot which only added another notch to the pleasure they caused each other.

Elliot let go of any last remnant of control he still possessed and let his body dictate his actions. She felt so wonderful around his manhood, her insides hugged him so unyieldingly causing an unbelievable amount of friction that soon brought him close to the edge. He felt her starting to clench around him, clamping down hard on his member and nearly pushing him out of her. Olivia gave a sound somewhere between a scream and a yelp before he became aware of her teeth, buried into the flesh of his shoulder. The pain was exquisite and he felt his release rush down his penis as he spilled deep inside her once again.

When her orgasm ebbed off slowly, Olivia carefully unclenched her jaw from his shoulder, kissing the mark she had left there and then blowing on it to take the sting. "Sorry," she whispered, noticing that his eyes were still closed as he was trying to catch his breath.

"You bit me," Elliot stated matter of factly and then sniggered before planting a tender kiss on her forehead. He let go of her legs so she could stand on her own feet.

Olivia let her legs glide down the sides of his body gingerly and hissed softly both at the stiffness in her muscles and at the slightly painful sensation when he slipped out of her.

"Are you okay?" Elliot asked worriedly, cupping her cheek with his right hand.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, "just a little sore, but it was worth it."

The smile on her face was wide and open and he couldn't help but return it. "It definitely was," he confirmed, his thumbs tracing her cheekbone before he kissed her gently. "Soap me up?" he asked and wiggled his eyebrows. "After all, I'm an invalid. Doctor said I would need some help for a while."

"Did he now?" Olivia bantered back. "I can't recall him saying anything about showers and soap."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure he mentioned it while giving you instructions for my care," he insisted.

"I guess I have no choice then." Olivia gave a mock sigh before she grabbed the shower sponge and gel, rubbing copious amounts of soap first all over him and then herself before washing it off again.

Twenty minutes later found them walking purposely to his apartment, they were cutting it close for the arrival of his kids. Sure enough when they rounded the corner of his building, Kathy was already waiting outside, leaning against the minivan with an impatient expression on her face. Elliot dropped Olivia's hand and even though she understood, she couldn't help but feel a sting in her heart at the gesture. It manifested once more how badly they needed to start being open about their relationship.

Whatever flippant remark Kathy had intended to throw at him, it died on her lips when she spotted the splint and bandage on Elliot's hand. "What happened?" she asked, the question almost a routine after having shared Elliot's dangerous life for so many years.

"Oh, that's nothing," Elliot replied, brushing it off, "Just broke a few fingers trying to open a door."

Kathy searched his eyes for a moment, convinced that he wasn't telling her everything. Then her gaze wandered to Olivia's face, trying to detect any hint on what had really happened, but it revealed nothing. She shook her head frustratedly. These two were unbelievable, like Chip and Chap, always sticking up for each other. She reminded herself that it was no longer any of her concern and straightened up to open the backdoor of the car.

"Okay guys, your father finally made it home. Get moving."

Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie and Dickie all filed from the backseats and hugged their father one after another. Olivia got a hug from Maureen and Lizzie and a handshake from Dickie. Kathleen barely nodded at her. This was already shaping up to be a great day.

"Go ahead, Olivia will take you upstairs, I need to talk to your mom for a minute," Elliot said to his kids, before turning to Olivia, connecting with her eyes for a second. She gave him an almost imperceptible nod, offering her support for what she knew was a conversation he was not looking forward to at all.

It was another ten minutes before he joined the rest of the group again at the apartment, and as soon as he walked through the door Lizzie could no longer reign in her curiosity. "What are we doing today, Dad?" He huge blue eyes stared up at Elliot inquisitively.

"Well, since the weather is so wonderful outside today and I'm not really supposed to be doing much because I had a little accident yesterday, I thought we could all go to Central Park and have a nice little picnic. Maybe you guys want to play some ball?" he proposed, looking at all four of his children.

Maureen was the first to answer. "Sounds great, Dad!"

"Yes, Daddy! I want to play ball," Dickie chimed in and his twin sister nodded her consent eagerly.

"Katie?" Elliot asked his middle child gently, knowing that she would be hardest to convince.

"I guess," was the only reply he could elicit from her, her eyes wouldn't meet his and the expression on her face was a definite pout. Elliot sighed quietly; this was not going to be easy. He felt Olivia's eyes studying him ever since he had entered the apartment. He knew she was trying to catch a glimpse at how his little chat with Kathy had turned out, but he didn't want to discuss any of that in front of the children and he knew she understood that. It didn't stop her from trying to figure it out for herself though and their eyes connected for a long moment once the kids were occupied with preparations. A look in which he tried to convey so much, but he wasn't sure if she could read him as easily now. It would have to wait till later.

Maureen helped Olivia pack up everything they needed while Elliot listened intently to Dickie's report about his last school project. When everything was set, they walked the few blocks to Central Park and soon found a sunny spot for their blanket.

Twenty minutes later nearly all food had been consumed and the twins were impatiently bobbing up and down, wanting to take off with their ball.

"Hold on, guys," Elliot requested and four sets of curious eyes were trained on him right away. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Maureen took one look from her father's nervous expression to Olivia's downcast eyes, an unsuccessful effort to hide her apprehension. "Yes!" the girl muttered under her breath before a huge smile spread over her face.

Kathleen, sitting next to her older sister, had heard her exclamation and turned her head to look at her questioningly, when she caught Maureen's beaming. Her face fell. "No, no, no, no, Dad. You can't!" Kathleen cried out as it immediately became clear to her what was going to happen. She pushed herself up and bolted from the blanket, taking off at a run.

Elliot closed his eyes briefly, he had been worried that was going to happen. "Maureen, will you go after your sister?" he asked, looking at his eldest with a serious expression. Maureen nodded, the smile gone from her face. "See that she doesn't run off too far and tell her I'll come talk to her in a minute."

"Okay, Dad," Maureen said before she too got up and hurried after her sister.

Only Elliot, Olivia and the twins were left and Olivia wished she hadn't eaten because now she felt like throwing up. They had both anticipated that Kathleen wouldn't be happy to hear the news, but they had hoped she would at least allow her father to finish before making it clear what her stance on the matter was.

"What's wrong with Katie, Daddy?" Dickie asked innocently, drawing both adults back out of their thoughts.

"Katie already guessed what I wanted to tell you and she's not happy about it," Elliot replied truthfully.

"And what was that?" Lizzie inquired, her face uncharacteristically somber.

"I wanted to tell you guys that Olivia and I are together," Elliot said, rushing the words out a little for fear of never getting to say them if he didn't do it fast. He reached for Olivia's hand, seeking out her support.

"What do you mean?" Dickie asked, a puzzled expression on his face.

His twin sister shook her head exasperatedly. "He means they are boyfriend and girlfriend, dumbass."

"Language, young lady!" Elliot admonished with a finger pointed at his youngest. "Though you are quite right of course, it means Olivia and I love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together."

Both twins were silent for a long while, each one visible trying to work out the greater meaning for all of them.

It was Dickie who found his voice back first. "You mean like Mom and Sean?"

"I suppose so," Elliot replied, a little reluctant at the comparison because he had no idea what the true nature of that relationship really was.

"But Sean isn't a nice guy and Olivia is wonderful," Lizzie pointed out, her keen mind immediately spotting the difference.

That simple statement was enough for Olivia's stomach to unclench a little and she found she could breathe more easily as a small smile found its way back onto her face.

Dickie studied the blanket so intently; Elliot actually anticipated a hole being burned into it. "I'm not calling her 'Mom'," he stated with a pout.

Olivia felt it was her turn to address this one and she raised a hand to Elliot's arm when she saw him opening his mouth to reprimand his son for his tactless words. "You don't have to," she reassured the boy. "You already have a mom and I'm not trying to take her place, okay?"

Dickie's eyes searched hers carefully for a second before he decided that was good enough for him.

"What about Mom?" came Lizzie's small voice from next to her brother.

"What about Mom?" Elliot repeated his daughter's question, unable to make heads or tails of it.

"What happens with her and Sean?" Lizzie clarified her question.

"Sweetie, your Mom has to make her own choices. Sean is her boyfriend and she picked him. There is nothing I can do about that," Elliot explained softly.

"But we don't like him!" Dickie exclaimed harshly.


	22. Chapter 22

So I was thinking "Wow, I didn't get an update alert for any of the stories I subscribed to in ages, people just don't update..." and then I realized I didn't update either *lol* So here is the next chapter, thanks for reading!

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><p>"<em>What happens with her and Sean?" Lizzie clarified her question.<em>

"_Sweetie, your Mom has to make her own choices. Sean is her boyfriend and she picked him. There is nothing I can do about that," Elliot explained softly. _

"_But we don't like him!" Dickie exclaimed harshly._

"I know. And if there is a problem with Sean or Mom _and_ Sean, I want you to tell me about it even if it seems silly. Do you understand?" Elliot's piercing gaze was pointed at both of the twins as he tried to get the message across. Even after his talk with Kathy he couldn't shake the weird feeling he had in his gut about the whole Sean situation and he absolutely needed to be sure that his kids would come to him the moment trouble arose. Lizzie and Dickie gave an affirmative nod in unison and Elliot drew them in for an embrace.

When he let go again, he ruffled Dickie's hair, eliciting a grin from his son. "You can go play ball now, but I want you to stay in sight. I'm going to talk to Katie." Elliot rose from the blanket and while the twins took off, already racing each other, he bent down and pressed a kiss on top of Olivia's head.

She looked up at him gratefully and tried to give him a supportive smile, but failed miserably. She knew the twins would take a while to get used to the idea but they'd be okay. Maureen already knew and still seemed thrilled about it. Kathleen was the one who worried her most.

She watched Elliot stride over to where his two older daughters were standing about a hundred yards away. They seemed to be arguing.

As Elliot neared Maureen and Kathleen, he was slowly able to make out the words that were being exchanged. If at all possible, the lump in his throat grew even more.

"You didn't tell me! You knew and you didn't tell me!" Kathleen yelled with her arms crossed in front of her defensively.

"I only knew because I have eyes in my head. They were pretty obvious back in the Catskills and it's not my fault that you didn't figure it out!" Maureen fired right back at her sister in an equally loud voice.

Kathleen turned on her heel and was trying to run off further, but Maureen had always been faster than her sister and caught up with her in a few strides. "Where do you think you're going?" she inquired, grabbing Kathleen's arm.

Kathleen wheeled around, getting right into Maureen's face. "I'm leaving. I'm going home!"

"You're walking to Queens?" Maureen asked sarcastically.

"Yes, I'm walking to Queens," Kathleen replied defiantly.

"It's that way," Maureen pointed into the opposite direction from where Kathleen had been trying to run off to. She watched her sister's expression grow menacing.

Elliot had caught up to his girls by then and put a calming hand on Maureen's shoulder. She turned her head, never letting go of her sister's arm, her green eyes looking up to her father questioningly. "Let me talk to Kathleen for a minute," Elliot requested.

Maureen let go of Kathleen's arm and turned more fully towards her father. "Okay Dad," she said.

Elliot passed her a smile. "Thanks." He watched her make her way back to Olivia who sat by herself on the picnic blanket, watching the twins play ball. Then he focused back on his middle child, taking a moment to study her closely. She looked utterly lost. Elliot reached out for her, but she twisted away from him.

"Don't touch me," she spat, her eyes sparkling with anger.

Elliot sighed, not really certain where to begin. The silence stretched endlessly, which did nothing for Elliot's already frayed nerves. The air between him and his daughter was so thick, for a moment he felt like he would suffocate from lack of oxygen.

"You said you wanted to talk to me, so talk!" Kathleen demanded after a long while, the furrow between her brows remarkably deep. She didn't want to have this conversation, she didn't want to hear from her father's own mouth how he was screwing his partner. She didn't want to be here, wanted to pretend this all wasn't happening. If she just didn't allow the words to touch her ears, they wouldn't be true. But she felt powerless to stop all of this and that was probably the worst part.

Elliot could easily pick up on her inner turmoil and distress and it pained him that he was the reason for it. "Maybe I better listen to what you have to say," he proposed as he tilted his head sideways, studying his daughter closely.

"Why?" Kathleen's voice sounded tearful and desperate, it nearly broke Elliot's heart to see her like this. "It's not like you care what I think!"

"That's not true, Katie. Please tell me what you're thinking." Some detached part of Elliot's mind registered that he was using the same voice with her that he also used with victims. He shook his head slightly, trying to rid himself of that thought. He slowly sat down in the grass in front of Kathleen, hoping he could prompt her to sit down with him, but for now she remained standing.

Meanwhile Maureen had found her way back to a pale looking Olivia. She knelt down next to her and after a second spontaneously embraced her, holding on to her tightly.

Olivia was quite overwhelmed by the gesture and didn't relax into the embrace let alone return it for quite a while, but in the end she did. When Maureen finally let go of her again and sat back on her heels, Olivia couldn't even find the words, but the question apparently had been written all over her face, because Maureen answered it anyway.

"You looked like you could use a hug. Did it help?" the girl asked shrugging, her eyes bright with a smile.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath of the fresh spring air only to open them with a serene smile on her face. "It did."

Kathleen watched the simple but genuine exchange from afar and that was when the tears started to fall. "Look at them," she said, waving accusatorily into the direction of Olivia and Maureen.

Elliot turned his head to catch the last moments of the embrace and for some reason it made his heart feel lighter. But it had a totally opposite effect on Kathleen and he was well aware of that too.

"They're all cozy and friendly," Kathleen added almost in a wail.

"And that bothers you?" Elliot's voice was warm and caring.

"Traitor," Kathleen muttered under her breath, the word clearly not meant for her father to hear, but he had keen ears.

Elliot wasn't quite sure to whom Kathleen referred but kept quiet, waiting for her to go on. At this point, it didn't really matter anyway.

Kathleen stared off in the distance, where Maureen and Olivia sat chatting on the blanket while the twins were playing ball as if there was no care in the world. She slowly and defeatedly sank down on the grass opposite her father.

"They're all happy," she stated dully, her eyes glued to her hands, which she had clasped together tightly.

"And you're not," Elliot stated the obvious.

"How could I be happy, Dad?" Kathleen asked, a sob escaping her. "First Mom and now you!"

"Katie, you gotta know that your Mom and I would have never gotten back together, even if we both hadn't found anyone new," Elliot pointed out. The look on his daughter's face spoke volumes. Of course Elliot had known that Kathleen clung to the idea of her parents getting back together most of all four children, but he hadn't realized just how convinced she was that would actually happen one day.

"Mom is not happy with Sean," Kathleen said in a small voice.

"If your mother was that unhappy, she'd split up with him," Elliot replied gently.

"And once she does, you can come back," Kathleen insisted, a defiant look on her face.

"No, sweetie, I can't. I won't ever come back to your mom. We didn't get the divorce just because we had some minor disagreements. We were both miserable in our marriage and it started to become so obvious that you kids were suffering. We swore we wouldn't ever let that happen again. We want you to be happy and it may not feel that way right now, but you'd be even unhappier with me still in the house and constantly fighting with your mom," Elliot explained. He sat cross-legged with his elbows resting on his knees and his thumbs were twirling somewhat nervously.

Kathleen mulled that over for a while, still staring at her folded hands silently before she reached up to wipe away some of the tears on her cheeks. "Is it true that you and Olivia … ." she hesitated, obviously reluctant to finish the sentence and willing her father to understand anyway.

It took Elliot a moment to catch on. "Are you asking me whether Olivia and have been together since before the divorce?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kathleen nodded, not meeting her father's eyes, both anticipating and dreading the answer.

"Absolutely not!" Elliot said vehemently, his voice taking on a strong but not unkind edge. "You have to trust me, Katie. This didn't start until two months ago."

"When we all went on vacation," Kathleen filled in the gap.

"Yes," Elliot confirmed with a small nod.

Kathleen shook her head. "Why did you have to bring her?" she asked, giving her father a fleeting look before resuming to stare at her hands.

"You think this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't?" Elliot tilted his head in disbelief at that faulty piece of logic.

Kathleen shrugged, not quite believing it herself.

"Why does it have to be her, Dad?" she wailed after a short moment. "Why did you have to pick the one woman you know mom hates?"

Elliot was more than surprised at the question. "Trust me, that thought hasn't even crossed my mind, though I suppose you're right. But just to be clear, your mom and I don't share a life anymore, whatever the other one thinks doesn't factor into our decisions any longer. Olivia is the woman I fell in love with and you have to believe me when I say that I love her with all my heart and she loves me. She's good for me. All I want from you is to give her chance. She's known you for a long time and she cares very much about you. I'm not saying you have to love her back, but I'm asking you to be friendly and civil when she is around because she's very important to me. Can you promise me to try?"

"What happens to us when you guys decide to get married and have your own kids and when Mom marries Sean and they have their own kids?" Kathleen asked quietly, ignoring her father's request as a new bout of tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I promise you there will always be a home for you either with your mom or with me and you will all always be part of the family, okay? Neither Mom nor I will love you any less should either of us ever have another child or two," Elliot was gazing intently into Kathleen's eyes, willing her to understand and accept that as the absolute truth. "Now can you promise me to try and be friendly with Olivia?"

"I suppose," Kathleen said with a slight frown.

"Okay." Elliot smiled at his daughter before he pulled her in for a hug and kissed her on the temple. "Now stop crying, sweetie, so we can get back to the others."

Kathleen remained in the safety of her father's arms for a long moment before taking a deep breath and wiping at the last of her tears. They rose in unison and silently walked back to the rest of the group, where Kathleen excused herself to go play with her younger siblings, but not before giving Olivia a tentative look out of her red-rimmed eyes. The three of them were soon joined by Maureen, which left Elliot and Olivia by themselves.

Olivia found herself wondering why the two older girls were playing ball at all, they were teenage girls and that wasn't exactly something you did when you were trying to appear cool and grown up. She thought most likely Katie was playing so she didn't have to sit with them and Maureen had joined them to give her father and Olivia some more privacy. It didn't really matter, she was glad it gave them these few moments by themselves.

"Everything alright?" Olivia asked when the silence had stretched too long for her liking. She could tell by the look on his face that Elliot's mind was occupied, presumably with thoughts about what the future would bring for his family.

"Yeah," Elliot answered after another short moment. "Katie promised to make more of an effort."

"Don't push her, El." Olivia said softly. "You can't make her like me, it doesn't work that way."

"Maybe I can't. But I can make her control her tongue a bit better." Elliot turned his head to look at Olivia. "She really thought that once Kathy broke up with Sean, she and I would get back together. She actually used the word _once_ not _if_. She's expecting it to happen eventually and then she sees me as the knight in shining armor, coming to rescue her mom."

Olivia smiled a little. "Well, you're _my_ knight in shining armor now and I won't let you ride off to rescue some other damsel in distress," she teased him playfully before becoming more serious. "I get it though. I mean, which kid doesn't want his parents to stay together forever?"

"Well, sometimes life just takes a different turn," Elliot mused, entirely missing the rueful look on her face when the weight of her own words hit home and when she realized how untrue they had been for herself as a child. "And I'm very glad that mine did." He leaned over and kissed her, first tentatively but it soon it became more passionate.

When his tongue tried to move past her lips, Olivia stopped him with a hand on his chest. "We're in a public park with your children," she pointed out with a smirk. "But if you're up to it, we can do more of that later." She chuckled at the groan that followed from him; apparently the image forming in his mind had started having an effect already. She moved closer to sit right beside him and rested her head on his shoulder, just enjoying to be this close to him.


	23. Chapter 23

__Here's a new chapter - a belated Christmas gift of sorts *lol*

This part of the series is slowly coming to an end, there will be two more chapters after this one. The third installment of the series is nowhere near finished, but it's on my mind every day and the story keeps building in my head, longing to be written down. Now I only need to find the time to do that :-)

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><p><em>When his tongue tried to move past her lips, Olivia stopped him with a hand on his chest. "We're in a public park with your children," she pointed out with a smirk. "But if you're up to it, we can do more of that later." She chuckled at the groan that followed from him; apparently the image forming in his mind had started having an effect already. She moved closer to sit right beside him and rested her head on his shoulder, just enjoying to be this close to him. <em>

"Can I ask how your talk with Kathy went?" Olivia inquired a few silent minutes later. She lifted her head to look at him and saw his features darken.

Elliot dropped his head, considering his words. "She wasn't exactly forthcoming," he said tentatively, his eyes resting on his playing children. He flexed the fingers of his good hand, trying to hide the tension that took hold of his body when he thought back to the few minutes he had tried communicating with his ex-wife this morning. He had once again been painfully reminded why their marriage had ended; they just weren't able to talk to each other anymore.

Olivia remained quiet for a moment, waiting to see if he would go on unprompted, but when he didn't, she asked, "What did you tell her?"

Elliot scoffed a little before he shook his head and finally turned to look at her. "I asked her how things were going with Sean. Needless to say that she was not willing to share many details so I told her about the kids' concern that she was changing and not for the better. I think I made it worse for them." The thought was killing him, but he was fairly certain that his intervention would backfire sooner or later and he felt guilty about not handling the situation with more delicacy, but that had never been one of his strong suits. Especially not around Kathy.

Olivia could see defeat shining in his eyes. "So I take it she didn't react well to any of that?" She watched him turn his head away once more, almost hiding from her, before he answered.

"I get it even. I mean, I don't think I would like it any better if Kathy questioned my relationship with you," he said wistfully.

"But that's different," Olivia objected softly, reaching out to touch his arm, wishing she could see his eyes. "Our relationship doesn't have that kind of impact on your children."

"Doesn't it?" Elliot asked, before he looked at her directly. "I don't know, Katie seemed pretty affected."

Olivia tensed immediately as his words hit her ears and went right to her heart. She felt the blood drain from her face, pooling up in her stomach instead, where it weighed heavily. She knew he had not meant his words to be hurtful, but somehow she felt like he had punched her.

Elliot saw the pained expression on her face and realized what he had just said. "I'm sorry," he apologized quickly, reaching out for her face and cupping her cheek. "This is not your fault."

"But you're right," Olivia whispered in return, her eyes darting back and forth between his face and anywhere but. "We're putting your kids through a lot of heartache just so we can be happy."

"They may be a little confused right now and yes, Katie is hurting. They will come around and I'm dead certain they'll feel happy to have you in their lives one day, just as I am," Elliot said, his thumb tenderly tracing her cheekbone, desperately trying to make her understand.

Olivia allowed herself to lean into his touch a little more, fighting not to close her eyes. His words felt soothing, yet she had trouble to believe them. She had seen Katie's expression when the girl had realized what her father was about to announce and she had been on the receiving end of her hostility enough during the last few months to know that this wasn't something that would just blow over given time. Katie wouldn't just get up one morning and be over her parents' divorce and she would most certainly not just decide to like either of the new spouses Kathy and Elliot chose. Olivia wondered if her life and future with Elliot was really important enough to cause his daughter so much pain.

"What I meant was," Elliot continued, oblivious to the direction her thoughts had travelled off to, "that Sean seems to be having a bad influence on Kathy somehow which in turn has an effect on the kids. You're not a bad influence, on the contrary, you bring out the best in me and I'm certain I'll be a better father for it." Elliot's eyes held hers as he said those last words, willing her to see how much he meant them. "And I know you will be brilliant with them, you already are. They couldn't have hoped for anyone better by my side."

"Stop saying things like that," Olivia whispered, dropping her gaze to her hands in her lap. "I'm not a mother, I probably never will be and I have no idea how to be one. I certainly won't try replacing Kathy in their lives." She thought back to the things Alex had said to her not even two days ago and how it had gotten her thinking about this whole step-mother thing. She had come to the conclusion then that as much as she longed for a child of her own, the kid would probably be better off not having her for a mother. With her history, what chances did she have at being any good at it?

"I'm not talking about replacing Kathy, what would be the point in that?" Elliot replied, wishing she wouldn't look away. "But you're good with kids, you always have been good with them on the job and of course with these four," he said, motioning into the general direction of his playing children.

"I'm good with other people's kids, yes. I don't know how good I'll be as a step-mom of sorts and that's what I would be to them, right?" She gave him a fleeting look, wishing she would be strong enough to hold his gaze, but finding that she wasn't. What if he didn't want her around his kids in that role anyway? She wasn't sure she could take that kind of rejection and she was suddenly sorry she had brought up the topic at all.

"I guess that's true," Elliot answered, really considering the implications for the first time. "Step-mom to four; that must sound a little scary." He reached out and tenderly tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, dying to get a glimpse at her eyes.

Olivia marveled at how effortlessly he had spotted one of her biggest fears. "I'm not the mom kind of girl. I'm cool Auntie Olivia, I'm the woman who busts perps with their father, who carries a gun and doesn't shy away when it gets messy and dirty. I'm not the one who bakes cookies and brings them hot milk when they're sick." Olivia let her gaze wander across the field, where Lizzie and Maureen had teamed up against Katie and Dickie.

"I could teach you to bake cookies," Elliot teased, attempting to lighten the mood a little, but quickly realizing that she was too caught up in her worries to react to the quip. "But that's not really the point," he relented.

"Liv, will you look at me?" Elliot requested after another moment of silence hanging between them. He didn't think he could take her emotional detachment from him any longer. He needed to see her to be able to comfort her.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath before slowly turning her head only to open them again and meet his beautiful blue orbs. Her throat tightened and she had to make a conscious effort to keep breathing regularly

Elliot was taken aback by the amount of pain reflecting from her eyes. "Remember when Maureen was sick up in the Catskills?" he said, his voice warm and low so that only she would hear. "You may not have brought her hot milk, but you were handling that situation way better than I did. You just knew what she needed and wanted, knew it instinctively. And then just two days ago, after Maureen called about Sean, you were so worried. Don't try to deny it, it was written all over your face. You were sick with concern for them. That is what a mom does.

You may not have noticed this, but you stopped being just their father's work partner a long time ago. You care about them so much and I'd trust you with their lives because I know you would die before you let anything happen to them. You won't replace Kathy, not in a million years, she gave birth to them and she raised and raises them. But you will still be important in their lives and I am totally certain that you will be up to the task." Elliot watched with a small smile as he saw her process every single one of his words. Her eyes were watering.

Olivia took a ragged breath as his words threatened to overwhelm her. She recognized the familiar pressure behind her eyes that meant she was fighting a losing battle against the impending tears yearning to fall and dug her fingernails into the palms of her hands to have something else to focus on. Thankfully it was working. She managed to give Elliot a small smile, grateful for his kind words but unable to formulate a response before she shifted slightly and let her head fall back down onto his shoulder, needing a little time to think about what he had said. She felt him wrap his arm around her waist, drawing her closer, before his hand came to rest upon hers in her lap.

She had not realized that she had in fact already started to slowly phase into that new and unfamiliar role in his children's lives, but Elliot was right. She did care and she did worry about them. She loved them and she would do anything for them. Maybe that was a good enough start when it came to being a mother. Countless of child abuse cases had shown her over and over again that all a child really needed and craved was parental love and support. Everything else took a backseat when it came to bringing up children. What neglect did to a child was often beyond comprehension because the effects varied greatly and often didn't show up for a long time. If she could help it, Elliot's children would not ever be in that situation.

She thought back to her own childhood, the root of her insecurities when it came to having a family of her own. Her mother had loved her as best as she knew how, but the love had never been unconditional and Serena Benson had often neglected her daughter. Olivia liked to think that she turned out to be stronger and more independent for it, but it had also left her with so many demons she needed to address over and over again.

She was desperately afraid she would do the same to a child of her own and that fear was constantly battling against the overpowering longing to have one at some point in her life. Now it looked as if she was going to become a step-mother for Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie and Dickie. The thought still left her breathless and feeling a little faint. As much as she reminded herself that maybe aside from Maureen none of Elliot's kids felt even affectionate towards her at the moment, that didn't change how she felt about _them_. She couldn't stop herself from caring about them anymore than she could stop loving Elliot and somehow that connected them despite everything else.

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	24. Chapter 24

Just one more chapter after this, enjoy it while it lasts :-)_  
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><p><em>She was desperately afraid she would do the same to a child of her own and that fear was constantly battling against the overpowering longing to have one at some point in her life. Now it looked as if she was going to become a step-mother for Maureen, Kathleen, Lizzie and Dickie. The thought still left her breathless and feeling a little faint. As much as she reminded herself that maybe aside from Maureen none of Elliot's kids felt even affectionate towards her at the moment, that didn't change how she felt about them. She couldn't stop herself from caring about them anymore than she could stop loving Elliot and somehow that connected them despite everything else. <em>

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After sunset Olivia and Elliot returned to her apartment after having dropped off four exhausted but considerably content kids in Queens. Elliot was sure that right now conversation back at his old house was circling around the new status of his and Olivia's relationship and he could just picture Kathy's face when she got confirmation for what she had been assuming all those years. He found he didn't care one bit.

"We never made it to our date last night," he said as he sat comfortably on Olivia's squishy couch. He was watching her moving busily through the kitchen, trying to come up with something doable for dinner. She had insisted that he would sit down and take it easy, pointing out that he had ignored doctor's orders all day long already and was surely going to pay for it if he kept that up.

"Neither one of us was in any shape to go out," Olivia replied with a small headshake, trying to rid herself of the flash of goose bumps that rose on her arms as she thought back to last night. She inspected the take out cartons that still stood untouched where she had dropped them off after the delivery man had brought them by the previous evening – evidence of their non-dinner. The noodles were dry and the meat had turned an unappetizing shade of grey. Her nose wrinkled as she tossed the cartons and scratched the delivery service from her mental list of take out options. Unfortunately that left them with little to eat tonight.

"I hate that we had to cancel, it was supposed to be our first real date," Elliot pouted before his face lit up again when he had an idea. "Let's go tonight. It doesn't look as if you can find anything edible in that kitchen of yours."

Olivia wasn't sure she should let that dig at her shopping habits go uncommented, but her concern for Elliot's wellbeing overrode any snide remark that normally would have come to mind. "I don't think you should do anything else today that involves you getting up from that couch."

Elliot raised an eyebrow and grinned mischievously. "Does that mean I don't get to go to bed tonight?"

The ringing of her cell phone saved Olivia from having to grace that comment with an answer. She dug it out of the back pocket of her jeans and read the caller ID with a barely suppressed sigh.

"Benson."

Elliot watched her face grow serious as she listened to what the person on the other end told her and he knew from her expression that she was getting called on a case. He sighed, not particularly looking forward to spending the evening alone but knowing at the same time that he could not go with her because he was still on sick leave and without clearance for work. He hated the fact that he had to let her go by herself. While he was perfectly aware that she could handle anything that was thrown at her, he felt his place was by her side.

Olivia hung up after confirming the address and looked over at Elliot. He knew. Of course he knew; he'd been doing this job long enough.

"What did you catch?" he asked, trying not to let on how bummed he was that she had to leave. Her face was pale and there was a definite furrow between her eyebrows.

Olivia gave him a long and considerate look. She knew she couldn't not answer that question, but she wished it was different. "A married couple was assaulted, brutalized and killed in their home."

Elliot sucked in a breath sharply at the news, but quickly sensed that there was more, she was not meeting his eyes. "Liv?" he prompted gently as he leaned forward, his elbows coming to rest on his knees.

Olivia closed her eyes, of course he would pick up on her mood immediately and of course he would know that a double rape homicide – while cruel and difficult to process – would not throw her off that much. "We have a witness," she explained slowly, looking him straight in the eyes.

"Who?" Elliot asked, his throat suddenly dry. He already knew. If Olivia was that affected by it, the witness could only be a child. Still he needed her to tell him so he could believe it too.

"Five year old daughter," she stated simply, but her voice and eyes couldn't hide the anguish she already felt for that little girl.

Elliot shook his head frustratedly. The need to go with her became stronger and he clenched his fists, knowing full well that there was no way that he could without Cragen having a fit.

"I could come and stay in the car," he proposed, but he already knew she would have none of that. It shocked him that for a moment she seemed to actually consider the offer before she declined.

"You can't, El. I know you want to be there, but really the best thing you can do is rest up tonight, rock your doctor's appointment tomorrow and get clearance for work as soon as possible." She transfixed him with a piercing gaze, willing him to understand that that was really the only way it could happen.

He gave a defeated sigh. She was right, but that didn't mean he had to like it. "Fin and Munch coming too?" he asked, wanting reassurance that she would at least not be alone.

Olivia hesitated, but again, it was not a question she could just ignore even if she wanted to. "No."

Elliot frowned, liking this less and less. "Why not? Sounds like enough work to go around for more than one detective."

"Cragen said he sent them out of town earlier today. Alaska called; they claim they caught the real pedophilic kindergarten teacher this time. They are extraditing again," she explained, readying herself to talk Elliot out of coming along once more now that he knew that she would be handling the investigation by herself. She lifted her finger when his mouth opened to protest and watched the words die on his lips. "Doctor's appointment tomorrow, El. I need you to pass," she said, her voice revealing the amount of desperation she felt. She needed him to be able to work this case with her and there was only one way she could get that wish. If it meant she had to tackle the crime scene and witness interview by herself tonight that was a price she was willing to pay for having her partner back at her side by tomorrow.

She disappeared to the bedroom to get changed without another word and found Elliot still seated on the couch when she returned a few minutes later. She walked over and crouched down in front of him, taking his defeated looking face into her hands. "I'll try to be back before my shift starts tomorrow, but I can't promise anything," she said softly even though she was well aware that he knew that better than anyone. The words brought her comfort, it was something to look forward to. She kissed him tenderly before she rose and retreated through the front door. "Take your painkillers," she told him with a small smile just before she drew the door shut as she left, going out into the dark night by herself.

Elliot sighed, looking down at his splinted fingers with resentment. This was wrong on so many levels.

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Olivia had never made it back to the apartment the previous night, but that didn't surprise Elliot in the least. He had called her as soon as the alarm had woken him from his fitful slumber. She was still not done processing the crime scene but had already talked to the little girl last night. He had pressed the phone so close to his ear when she'd told him about her story, unwilling to miss out even on the slightest detail, that once he had hung up the side of his face had grown hot and he had had an imprint of the receiver on his cheek.

Now he was sitting in the hospital waiting room, the nurse had told him the doctor would be another while which unfortunately gave him enough time to once again go over the facts Olivia had related to him earlier. Or rather he replayed in his mind _how_ she had related them to him. She had sounded so exhausted and heartbroken, he would have given a lot to have been able to reach through the phone and offer some form of comfort. But the distance separating them had left him with only one option, offering his support and sympathy through his words. He had sensed that she had relaxed a little as he talked to her, but it was not enough.

Elliot tapped his feet on the floor impatiently. He wanted to get this over with and get back to work. He was determined to go in and see Olivia no matter what the doctor would tell him, but he hoped he would get cleared. She needed him and the fact that he couldn't do a thing for her right now killed him.

"Mr. Stabler?" a nurse called as she poked her head into the waiting area. Elliot rose quickly, the sudden motion making a little dizzy, but he pushed through it, determined not to let anything on. He followed the nurse with purposeful strides as she walked him down the corridor into a small but very neat exam room.

The doctor who had treated him at the ER two days ago appeared after a short while.

"Detective," he greeted him, his voice having that superficially caring but still somehow distant tone that many doctors possessed. "How are you doing?"

Elliot looked up at the man as he shook the hand that had been offered to him. "I'm fine," he claimed, maybe a little too quickly.

The doctor gave him a piercing look before he retrieved a pen light from his lab coat pocket. "Headaches?" he asked while he shone the light into Elliot's eyes, causing him to squint a little.

"Not too bad," he answered truthfully, having sworn to Olivia earlier this morning that he would be absolutely honest about his condition.

"Any dizziness, nausea, vomiting?" the doctor continued to inquire, his fingers carefully probing for the bump on Elliot's head and eliciting a sharp hiss when he made contact.

"Not since Friday night." Elliot decided that was true enough and watched the doctor nod to himself before he reached for his left hand. With a few practiced motions he unwrapped the bandage and took off the foamy splint. Elliot couldn't quite suppress a wince.

"Swelling is not too bad," the doctor commented, but Elliot would have liked to disagree. His fingers looked like large blue sausages.

After some further inspection, splint and bandage went back on his hand just as quickly as both had come off. "I'm clearing you for light duty as of tomorrow. Take it easy for today to give your head a little more time to sort itself out; that was quite a hit it took. And of course you can't return to full duty as long as the fingers haven't healed. The splint has to stay on another three to four weeks, after that it's physical therapy to get back full range of motion, which I'm confident you will."

Elliot suppressed the groan that was threatening to escape his lips as he realized he was most likely looking at two or three months until he could resume his job for real. "Thanks, doc," he said instead but it came off sounding a little sarcastic. He tried to smile at the man, but it felt more like a grimace. Apparently it had looked more like a grimace too for the doctor was frowning at him for a second before he visibly concluded that Elliot was not in any significant amount of pain. After all the paperwork had been taken care of, Elliot couldn't stop himself from rushing out of the hospital. He'd come here by cab, as he was technically not supposed to drive with a concussion, so he hailed down another one to proceed to the precinct.

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	25. Chapter 25

__**So, this is it...for now :-) Last Chapter for Changes, but you're lucky, this is a series and there will be a next part :-) Thanks for reading and reviewing! Check back for the next installment, but it won't be done for a while yet. I wrote 26,000 words so far and the case is still a mystery (well, not to me, but you get what I mean :-) )  
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><p><em>Elliot suppressed the groan that was threatening to escape his lips as he realized he was most likely looking at two or three months until he could resume his job for real. "Thanks, doc," he said instead but it came off sounding a little sarcastic. He tried to smile at the man, but it felt more like a grimace. Apparently it had looked more like a grimace too for the doctor was frowning at him for a second before he visibly concluded that Elliot was not in any significant amount of pain. After all the paperwork had been taken care of, Elliot couldn't stop himself from rushing out of the hospital. He'd come here by cab, as he was technically not supposed to drive with a concussion, so he hailed down another one to proceed to the precinct.<em>

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It was mid-morning by the time he reached the squad room and while the room was as usual quite busy and loud with the mixture of many different voices and ringing phones, it also felt empty. Olivia was not at her desk, but her jacket was thrown over the back of her chair, telling him that she was around here somewhere and not still stuck at the crime scene. The desk Fin and Munch shared was equally deserted and the combined absence of the four prime detectives of the squad made the room appear strangely abandoned. He looked around and spotted Cragen sitting in his office, immersed in paperwork and oblivious to his surroundings.

Elliot stepped over to the captain's door and opened it after a brief knock. Cragen looked up, the annoyed look on his face quickly changing into a surprised one. "Captain," Elliot addressed his boss in a manner of greeting.

"Elliot! Didn't expect to see you around so soon," Cragen replied as he leaned back into his chair and motioned for his detective to sit down. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good, Sir," Elliot replied with a small nod as he lowered himself into the chair. "Doctor cleared me for light duty as of tomorrow."

"Good, good. I'm glad, we can sure use you around here so your partner doesn't have to hold down the fort by herself all week." Cragen reached out for the clearance papers Elliot was holding in his hand and the younger man gave them to him eagerly.

"Speaking of Olivia, where is she?" Elliot asked, trying not to sound too worried.

Cragen shot him a funny look before he answered. "She's upstairs with that little girl from last night, trying to get her to sleep a bit. Her aunt won't be able to pick her up until later today."

Elliot nodded, unable to keep the concerned expression off his face. He quickly rose from the chair and turned to leave. "See you tomorrow then," he said before leaving the small glass cubicle in such a hurry that he missed Cragen's puzzled look.

He took two steps at a time as he made his way upstairs, feeling an intense need to see Olivia. He opened the door to the cribs quietly and stepped inside the darkened room. As usual, the blinds that covered the small windows were closed, allowing next to no light to penetrate the comfortable darkness dominating this place. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust before he could see his partner sitting sideways on a cot that was lined up next to the back wall of the room. She was leaning back against the wall, a small form lying right next to her with a curly head resting in her lap. Olivia's eyes were open and she looked at him calmly.

"Hey," Elliot whispered as he stepped over to the cot and lowered himself carefully to sit next to her without disturbing the sleeping child in her lap.

"Hey yourself," Olivia answered, her hand resting gently on the little girls arm. The warmth of his presence touched her soul and the tension she'd felt in her chest ever since she'd been called in last night eased a little.

"Doctor cleared me, I'm back here by tomorrow," he whispered, knowing full well that that was the most pressing question on her mind.

"I'm glad," Olivia replied quietly, feeling relief wash over her. Last night had shown her once more how much she depended on having her partner by her side. He gave her the strength to work the tough cases and this one definitely qualified. The sight that had greeted her when she'd arrived at the crime scene after getting called in had been gruesome. There had been so much blood.

But that hadn't been the worst part. The responding officer to the 911 call that had been made anonymously had not only found the two mutilated bodies, he'd also found their daughter cowering against a wall, covered in blood and completely catatonic with shock. She had been taken to the hospital and Olivia had ridden along. While the girl had sustained no physical injuries, the apparent emotional trauma was bad. Yet still somehow Olivia had managed to get her to talk.

Elliot – as usual very much in tune with her – sensed her distraught state of mind. He hated that he hadn't been able to go with her the previous night and he hated that she'd had to face that case alone. The children were always hard on everyone. Without thinking twice about it he broke their protocol of keeping their relationship out of work and slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. After a few seconds of hesitation he felt her relax into his embrace.

Olivia allowed herself to get lost in his arms for a moment, allowed the comfort he offered to lighten the burden that weighed heavy on her heart. The last few days with all that talk about motherhood and family had left her so vulnerable and open when it came to the side of her that had always been overprotective and caring with their youngest victims. Seeing that little girl's lost expression, picturing the horrible things she had witnessed had made Olivia want to scream. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent that was so uniquely Elliot and she felt herself calm down and relax and slowly she became aware of how tired and exhausted she was.

"Just sleep, I'm not going anywhere," Elliot whispered, sensing that she was fighting to keep from drifting off. It took only a few more minutes until he could tell by her breathing that she was no longer awake. He smiled to himself while he gently played with her hair and pressed a tender kiss to the top of her head. Watching her around children always warmed his heart. She allowed herself to care so deeply, even if it meant setting herself up for heartbreak over and over again, but she knew it made a whole world of difference for the child who needed her. Olivia was probably the single most giving person he had ever met and he felt blessed that she loved him.

Elliot let his thoughts travel back in time, back to what felt like a million cases they had encountered during their partnership that involved children. There wasn't one where Olivia hadn't done everything in her power to protect the child from any more harm and often she'd put herself on the line to ensure that. She'd been a mother of sorts to all of them and now that she stood on the brink of becoming a step-mom to his children, she doubted her abilities and expertise in that field. How ridiculous that sounded to his ears. He was convinced she'd be great, but he realized he needed to make her believe it too.

She lacked self-confidence in her personal relationships and that was something he blamed on her mother, who had forever been unable to establish a real relationship with her daughter. Part of Olivia had never been able to grow up and thrive completely and it was that part that had her convinced she lacked certain skills and abilities when it came to having a family of her own. Yet there was nothing Elliot wanted more than to have just that with her. He knew she was perfect and he knew they could and would make it work.

It had already been over an hour since Olivia had fallen asleep and Elliot's muscles protested more and more against the uncomfortable position he was currently in, but he refused to wake her just so he could stretch. Her heard footsteps approaching and then the door to the cribs opened. The cone of light streaming through the gap made him squint and he didn't recognize the shadowy figure standing in the doorway at first.

"Elliot?" Cragen asked, a bit surprised to find him still here, he had assumed the younger man had gone home a long time ago. He took in the scene in front of him, the sleeping girl with her head in Olivia's lap, Olivia asleep and resting against Elliot's shoulder with his arm wrapped around her almost protectively. He did not allow himself to wonder about the true nature of his two top detective's relationship. He was confident they would fill him in as soon as there was something to fill him in on.

Cragen stepped through the door and closed it behind him, plunging the room back into semi-darkness and causing Elliot to relax again.

"Her aunt is here," Cragen stated simply with a wave towards the sleeping girl. He saw Olivia stir as she gradually started to wake up.

Olivia sensed the additional presence in the room even in her sleep and she came around slowly. When she opened her eyes she immediately recognized the silhouetted figure standing in front of them and pulled away from Elliot's embrace maybe a little too quickly to make the situation look innocent.

"You okay?" Elliot asked softly, allowing his voice to resonate with concern a little more than he probably should have in the captain's presence, but he found he didn't care. Cragen would have to find out about them eventually, and all he really wanted right now was to make sure Olivia was feeling better.

She nodded with a small smile. "Yeah, thanks. Nothing like an hour of rest after a sleepless night." She rolled her neck, trying to rid herself of the stiffness that had settled there, before she gently shook the girl in her lap awake.

"Come on, sweetie. There's someone here to see you," she said quietly as soon as the girl was awake enough to hear her words.

"Mommy?" she asked, her large blue eyes staring hopefully up at Olivia.

Olivia felt her heart break. She pulled the girl a bit closer, hugging her and stroking a hand through her curls. "No baby, it's your auntie. She's here to pick you up."

"I want my mommy," the girl wailed as tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"I know, sweetie, I know," Olivia murmured comfortingly as she rubbed her back. She rose slowly from the bed and turned to pick up the girl, who immediately clung to Olivia's neck with all her strength, giving off the impression that she would never ever let go of her.

Elliot watched her walk slowly from the room and presumably down the stairs to hand the child over to her relatives. Once more he marveled at how wonderful she handled the situation with that poor little girl. Yes, Olivia Benson would definitely make a wonderful mother one day and he intended to give her just that in due time.

*-*-*-*-*#*-*-*-*-*

As Elliot entered the squad room side by side with Olivia the next morning, he felt he was right where he belonged and he couldn't wait to dive head first into work in a few minutes. He spotted a medium sized stack of message slips on his desk before he bee-lined for the coffee pot, only to find it cold and empty. They were the first ones in. He grabbed the coffee jar and wedged it into the crook of his left arm while trying to unscrew the lid, but found it stuck.

"Damn it," he cursed under his breath as the jar slipped from his grasp and he only just caught it before it would shatter on the ground.

Olivia watched her partner's morning struggle with slight amusement. She raised an eyebrow as she walked over to him, jabbing him playfully on the arm. "Need some help with that?"

Elliot turned his head to look at her and saw the wry smile playing around her lips. "Are you making fun of the gravely injured?" he asked, only a little accusatory.

"I wouldn't dare," Olivia lifted both her hands in mock defense before she reached for the coffee jar and easily unscrewed the lid.

Elliot shook his head and turned away scoffing. "Woman, make me coffee," he teased her over his shoulder as he lazily strolled back to their joined desks and sat down on a corner of his side. He grabbed the stack of message slips and leafed through them, finding a whole lot of useless information before suddenly his breath caught in his throat and he slid into a standing position so hastily, it almost made him dizzy.

He grabbed the pink slip of paper a little tighter, reading it again. This couldn't be true. "Liv," he said in a hoarse voice, his eyes still glued to the message in his hand.

Olivia turned her head; her attention immediately peaked by the unusual sound of his voice. The tension emanating off his body was almost palpable. She frowned and abandoned her coffee making task. "What is it?" she asked as she started walking towards him. She noted the vein in his temple, it was pulsating violently. That and the deep furrow between his eyebrows told her whatever it was, she wouldn't like it.

Elliot slowly lifted his head and caught her eyes while he stretched out his hand holding the message slip so she could see it. He didn't say a word, but knew she would read the tension in his face and the flabbergasted disbelief in his eyes.

Her hand reached for the pink piece of paper, but Olivia's eyes never left her partners face. She'd hardly ever seen him like this. Almost reluctantly she dropped her gaze to read whatever had unnerved Elliot this much. She felt her own throat constrict as the words gradually sunk in. This couldn't be true. They hadn't expected that, not so soon and not here. She subconsciously tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear and she tried to take a deep breath, but found it hard with the lump in her throat.

They were both unaware of the third party that entered the squad room. Donald Cragen was glad to see his top two detectives were already in, a lot of work waited for them and for him and it was always good to get an early start. But something wasn't quite right here. He knitted his brows as he changed direction mid move and instead of retreating into the glass cubicle that was his office he turned to walk towards the two people standing motionless and staring at each other.

"What's going on, you two?" he asked, when neither detective acknowledges his presence. He had the impression they were having a silent conversation the way they stared at each other intently and he knew better than anyone how these two could pull that off. Nevertheless, this kind of behavior was very unusual and highly unnerving. He cleared his throat audibly because he still didn't get an answer to his question, and at least one of them seemed to snap out of it.

Elliot slowly turned to look at his captain, only unwillingly breaking eye contact with Olivia. He could feel her anxiety, it carried easily through the few feet of air that separated them. He longed to reach for her hand and squeeze it, but refrained from any such gesture in the presence of their superior officer.

"Elliot?" Cragen asked, his voice low and questioning.

Elliot could see the concern on the captain's face. "I got a message from the Bronx SVU night shift," he said softly. "There's been a kidnapping. An eight year old girl went missing from her house last night and the neighbors reported they saw a stranger lurking around that evening. They picked Jake Donahue out of a row of pictures the officer's showed them. He's back in town."


End file.
